Leading Light Of Dawn

Chapter Five

Jordan's POV:

So when do you know its the end? When light fades into darkness or when darkness ends in light?

When you watch yourself throughout the years change and grow all for it to come to one common point. The end.

You watch yourself put up walls so high to protect yourself only for someone to come along and tear those walls down. You watch yourself protect then love. You watch yourself learn and grow. For what?

For it to end in nothingness?

Why do we love? Why do I love her? When all I've been is the root cause to all her problems? Her brother... I should have told her...but how do I tell her that? I know she'll hate me. She says she hates me now but she doesn't but if she finds out she will.

There was no intention to hurt her but sometimes just because you can do something or did do something doesn't mean you wanted to. As they say all is fair in love and war.

Is it worth the sacrifice? The truth for hatred or lies for love?

As I lay here unmoving, fighting for my next breath the answer becomes simple. Her love is worth anything because I can earn back trust and change hate to love but if I had not told her in the first place that I loved her then I have nothing to go on from there.

I saw the light. It looked so welcoming. Standing at crossroads it became evident that the only thing I needed to do was fight against the light. Isnt that ironic? Normally the light symbolizes life yet here I am fighting to be pulled back away from the light that would have led to my most unfortunate end.

I can hear them. The paramedics. I heard the sirens. I heard the shouts. I should have seen it coming. Why did I not?

Her

She rejected me

Deciding to walk back home to clear my mind may have been the most stupid decision I had ever made. Its may just cost me my life.

I feel myself being moved. I still hear the sirens. Why are my thoughts so disoriented?

Where is she?

I wish there was an easy way to do this. Her brother is in jail because of me. She doesn't know. How do I tell her? I know what happened. She hates him even though it wasnt his fault. It was mine.

Asking her to teach me how to dance wasn't just a way of getting close to her. It was a way of showing her the real me. Protecting her from the dangers that lurk. She thinks shes free but the nightmares that haunt her are not just nightmares...they are a reality.

I need to fight. I need to protect her. Only I can do that while her brother is away. Only the light of my love can eradicate the darkness of her nightmares.

I hear a constant beep. I think I'm in a hospital. Why?

The accident. Why am I so disoriented?

Its her!

Her smell

Her touch

Her voice

It has to be her

"Jordan

I'm sorry...this is all my fault. If I had just stayed this would not have happened. How can I make it right!? Please. Wake up...for me...You said you love me right? Then you have to wake up. You have to! Otherwise I wont get the opportunity to tell you how I feel. I love you...and I hate that! But I cant explain it to you. You have to come back so I can show you. You are not worth losing. My walls are not worth your life. My misplaced hatred is not worth your life. Come back...please..."

I feel tears drop onto my hand. She's crying... for me...

I thought she hated me...I have to wake up!

I try hard to open my eyes, to see her just once but I cant. My eyes refuse to open and my voice refuses to leave my mouth. The harder I try the lounder and faster the beeping gets.

I hear her shout and soon shes followed by other voices all shouting the same thing.

"He's going!"

Who's going where?

Me

With that I slip into a deep state where there is nothing but darkness.

How welcoming the warmth of the unknown. Contrary to what I believed its nice. Not having to worry abt whether they will find her. Not having to worry about whether she loves me back. Not having to worry about how to fix things. For now that's somebody elses job.

How would I even save her if I was awake? I'm not even entirely sure what I'm saving her from. Who is he? Why does he want with her? I know I led him to her but even I'm confused about who he is. 

She's scared...even I know that but shes strong. I see right through her facade. Her 'I dont need anybody' attitude. Its fake. Its a cover up for the nightmares, the paranoia, the hurt, the anger. But I was put on this path for a reason and the day I realized how I felt about her it became more evident what that reason was. She's no damsel in distress but even a queen needs a cavalry.

The queen up in her castle governing a kingdom but having no knowledge of the demons that dance behind her back. The cavalry that stands behind her, aware of the dangers shall keep her safe.

Her life shrouded in darkness will soon begin to see a new breaking dawn. Winter will end and flowers will bloom. The story may be tragic but whats a tragedy without a happy ending? Whats the light without the dark? Whats the night sky without the stars?

He won't get to her. He wont take her from me. Even if its the last thing I do.

Micah you will see only the worst of me.