How Much We Hurt

Adrien ”Hey honey, how was school today?” Ma beamed at me asking as soon as I stepped foot into my ‘home’. I shrugged “The same as always.” I say simply shrugging off my worn off jacket and undoing my shoes, taking them off. Mom’s grin faltered a bit. Before she could ask me the question I knew she would ask I spoke up. ”I have some homework to catch up on. Could we maybe chat later?” I ask her avoiding the very same eyes mine mirrored. We both know that was complete and utter bullshit. She frowned but nodded anyway. ”Okay hon, don’t work yourself to hard and make sure to join Kenneth and I at dinner.” She says looking down and I nod knowing it would probably be an empty promise. ”Sure thing Ma.” I say noticing she’s still looking down. And I know she doesn’t believe me. Same routine every night. Come home, have the same ‘talk’, sip on the bottle, drinking my sorrows away until there’s no more painful memories to relive and then eventually I’ll end up knocked out. Mom comes in and tucks me in and then in the morning she’ll wanna bring it up, to tell me to stop torturing myself but will be to afraid to. After giving her a peck on the cheek I go up the stairs each step creaking beneath the steps as I go up. I soon make it up to my room and shut the door behind me. When in my ‘room’ I sigh rubbing my temple. My phone rings and I answer. ”Yo, you down for coming to the spot?” Randy one of my closest mates asked. I hesitate to answer lately I just haven’t been up for going. ”Bro, you can’t say no, you’ve been blowing us off lately and isn’t like you to miss out a chance of coming to the spot.” He reminds me and I sigh looking out the window. “I’ll be there in 10.” I say. I could use this to take my mind off the toxic memories. “That’s what I’m talking about.” I hear as I hang up. Without much of an effort I shove my vans on, take my bag which has a couple bottles of beer, junk, my wallet and open the window. As I grab my skateboard and climb my way out the window and onto the old roof, I think about how me ever sitting down and indulging in more than a 10 minute conversation with my mom and her husband was just another impossible empty promise.