Yellow

EPISODE FOUR: BLUE

No one was talking until we got home. I don’t know… I really don’t know what’s happening. I am mad. I am mad at myself. It's been a week. I lost my best friend and my yellow. I feel like everything is not right. I am eating alone and just watching them eat with other people. I tried to smile at them but they always looked away. I lost the most important person in my life. I walked to my chemistry class and I have to sit beside Alice since she is my Chemistry partner. I looked at her but she looked away. She keeps on doing that. I guess she was really mad at me for not liking her back? I mean, I like Alice but not to the extent that she may think. I know Alice for the fastest seconds in my life and knowing that she likes me gives me creeps. Not the bad creeps but the good creeps.

“Mr. Frederick… C-can I have a different seat?” I look at Alice when she utters those words. She looked really upset.

“Sorry Alice, I will be glad if I can help you with that but I am afraid to tell you that we just have enough seats for everyone.” Mr. Frederick said and I looked at Alice. I felt like the fang of guilt was hunting me. She doesn't deserve to feel like this, she doesn’t deserve to feel intimidated by me. We are friends for not a long time and this is one of the dumbest things I can ever imagine. Hurting one of your best friends because you are in love with the other best friend. How can that work? I mean that can work at least but not with us.

“I am sorry but I am not feeling well, I think I have to go, sir,” Alice said and stormed away. Mr. Frederick is looking at me as if he wants me to do something. I look around and I saw everyone was looking at me. I look back at Mr. Frederick and he keeps on giving me the look.

“Please follow Alice and check her at least?” Mr. Frederick said.

“Oh, okay. Got it.” I stuttered and immediately got our stuff. I run to the gym but I see no one. I look at the pool area but Alice is not there. I look at the library at the restroom but she’s not there. I ran and ran and ran until I bumped into someone.

“Dude. Are you blind?!” I looked at her… and it was Heather. She’s not directly looking at me. I can sense that she can’t forgive me for now. I can’t believe that I am having trouble with two important people in my life and they both involve love. Oh, God.

“I-m sorry…” No one was talking. There’s a huge silence around the corridor. There was no one in here. Just me and Alice. I know that there was something in me that wants to get her back but I need to deal with Alice first. I hurt her badly and that was my responsibility.

“It’s fine and if you’re looking for Alice, she’s in the garden,” Heather said and I smiled at her. She was looking at the ground and I bet she didn't want to see even my face. I took my steps to Alice but I pause and turned around.

“Heather, I know that I may give you creeps but if you are free can we hang out? Like how we used to do? I mean, I’d love to save our friendship. I hope you want it to?” I uttered. Heather looked at me and smiled. She doesn’t say anything. She was just looking at me and looking at the floor.

“I guess, maybe not?” I uttered and smiled awkwardly. At least I tried, right? I least I know that I am trying.

“Alice doesn’t deserve this. She needs you. She loves you. Love her back.” Heather said and chuckled. She smiled at me again and walked away. I slowly watch her until she’s gone in my sight. I smiled weakly. How can she be so cruel? Or I am the one who’s selfish and cruel?

I sighed and gently hit my head. I need to think of something else. I need to know better. I ran to the garden and I saw Alice. She’s crying. Really heavy. I sat beside her and gave her my handkerchief. I pat her back and she looks at me. I can see the hatred in her eyes. She stands up and looks at me. She wiped her tears and I gave her water.

“I'm sorry," I said and smiled at her. She looked at me like she will kill me very soon and that really doesn’t matter right now.

“Accept my offering?” I uttered. Alice grabbed the water I have and drink it.

“I really hate you,” Alice uttered and rolled her eyes on me. I smiled at her and she chuckled. I guess this was getter better.

“I know, I know that you hate me and I hate myself too. Maybe you’ll ask me where I am getting my guts but… Alice, I wish we can save our friendship. I want to save our friendship.” I said and she looked at me. She’s really weak and fragile. Dealing with Alice is like dealing with the most delicate crystal. She is not like Heather. Heather knows how to gather her senses and how to deal with everything. She was strong and knows better than anyone.

“You really loved Heather. Do you?” Alice asked. I looked at her with confusion and cleared my throat. I never expect that she will ask me like that in this serious kind of time.

“Alice, let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about what was happening between us. What was going on with ourselves,” I replies. Alice chuckled and let out a heavy sigh.

“You do love her. You really love her.” Alice uttered and stood up She looked at me and smiled.

“I know, you can’t easily like someone but can we at least give it a try?” Alice uttered. I gasp and gulped. I can’t believe that I am hearing this from Alice. I mean she can have everything; she can get anything she wanted and she doesn’t deserve to beg for love. To beg for someone like me to love her back.

“You don’t deserve that, Alice. You deserve someone better. Not me. I am Arthur… I’m just Arthur. You can get whatever you want and you can have anything in this world. You shouldn’t be begging for someone to love you back,” I said and Alice hugged me. I felt her tears flowing like a stream. I can feel her warmth, her heartbeat, and her sadness.

“Then be better for me. I like you for just being Arthur. I like you. Those things are not worth it to me, but you do. I know that loving you will be worth it.” She uttered. I froze when I heard those words coming out of her mouth. What will I do? Should we give it a try? Should I just try to love her back and then retreat if I failed to do so? I know that I may sound unfair but that seems the better answer to anything that was happening right now.

“Can I at least have some time?” I asked. I know that I am not in the place to ask her this but I have to. I need to think of something.

“You can. Just let me know so I know when I will give up,” Alice uttered and smiled. She grabbed her bag and as soon as the last bell rang, she walked away. I watched her walk away and I was left with my thoughts. Alice and I sort some things out and even fixed what we have. I guess I need to sort things out on my own. I guess I should be the better man.

“I’m home.” I plainly said and rushed to my room. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I need to figure this on my own.

*Knock*

“Arthur? Can I come in?” I heard my mom and I unlocked my door. I knew it. Mom will come here and ask me what’s wrong. She always does that even though I didn’t tell her what was going on in my life.

“What is it, mom?” I asked and sat down in my bed. Mom looked at me and sighed. She sat beside me and gave me a kiss on top of my head.

“Why are you so blue? What’s the problem?” My mom asked and I looked at her. I tried to avoid the questions and change the topic but I didn’t win.

“How did you know? I didn’t tell you anything. I didn’t scream in my room or stomp my feet,” I asked. My mom laughed and I feel annoyed. I can’t hide anything from my mom. I can’t hide from her, she knows me very well.

“You are my son, that’s why I know you very well. I think I know you even your blink. I watched you all time since you were born. Don’t ask me that silly question. You know what I will tell you,” Mom uttered and chuckled. I sighed and looked at her with a blank face.

“What is it? You can tell me everything right? No judgment,” Mom uttered with her smiling face. Like she always does. Her smile always gave me comfort and I will always choose to see that smile. You can tell that I am a Mama’s boy but yes if that is what you want to. It’s just a mother’s love and kindness will always be the best.

“Mom… What will you feel if someone you like doesn’t like you back?” I asked. My mom smiled at me and patted my back.

“I will feel devastated of course, especially when the person I like really likes someone else. I will cry a lot and then wish that I hope I was that girl. But of course, we have to keep in mind that not all the things we want will be meant for us. Sometimes the things we want are the one that is not for us. AND most of the time… The things we can easily get will hurt us really bad because we always get the wrong one.” I froze as I heard those words from my mom. I can’t believe that I am hearing this from my mom. She was right. I should stop hurting someone and chasing someone who doesn’t like me back. I should move on. I should continue my life.

“What if you like your friend but that friend doesn’t like you back? And your other friend loves you but you can’t love her because you love your other friend?” I asked. My mom chuckled and looked at me with a teasing look. She cleared her throat and gather her senses back.

“Mom, I am serious. Please don’t laugh at me. I know that my question is complicated but that was true,” I frown and mom looked at me and blurted out a laugh. She was laughing harder and starts crying. I take a deep breath and clenched my jaw.

“Mom, please,” I uttered. Mom stopped laughing and looked at me directly in the eyes.

“Is it Heather?” Mom asked. I looked at her and I feel like I gradually turned tomato red. My ears are getting red and then my face turned pink. I hate this. HOW CAN I SUPPOSE TO HIDE THINGS FROM THEM!?

“I am happy that you have a good taste in girls. I thought you were gay,” Mom teased and laughed.

“Mom, I need my room right now. Please? Would you please get out?” I politely asked. My mom sighed and patted me on my shoulder.

“Arthur if you have a problem, you can talk to me or your dad. We will always listen. No judgment. No pressure.” My mom said and gave me a forehead kiss. She leaves my room and I look at my window. I can’t see Heather, not even her shadow. I put my curtains down and start to fix everything I messed up.