The shy's girl crush

Chapter nineteen - Here I feel safe

Loren's POV:

For the past week, my mood has often been changing. I don't know why this happened. I started feeling upset. Christina noticed this and started going after me again. I can change my style, but that won't help. I mean, it won't make me feel better. That's why I was at home most of the time. Here I feel safe. Only my parents come here and Alice. She came to check on me a couple of times. Both with Jackson are making progress. My best friend wants to tell him everything but doesn't know how. According to her, he doesn't like her. At least not the way she wants. Believe it or not, sometimes one kiss can save the day. Well, that doesn't always work. At least she is doing something. I tried to look happy around Dylan, but he noticed something was off with me. I didn't tell him anything. Honestly, I don't know why I feel this way. It's not because of Christina. She only makes things worse. I tried to watch comedy movies, but it didn't help. That only made me feel the opposite. It will probably be over, but I don't know when. I have kept going to the gym and used it as a distraction, but it's not helping much. Dylan has been going with me. I appreciate his effort to make me feel better, but it's not working. Maybe it's time for me to go to therapy. I had been thinking about it for a long time, but I never did that. I started feeling insecure again. I won't die my hair, but I want to change things in myself. Since I came to this school, I didn't get welcomed. Not by everyone. I try to be nice, but talking with people makes me nervous. I'm careful what I say and where I say it. Well, I am carefree when Alice is at home. With her, I feel better. I'm happy that we are best friends. She always knows what to say to make me feel better. I hope we'll never lose our friendship because I don't think I can find someone like her.

Currently, I am in school. I was waiting for Alice to come. Yesterday, she didn't feel well. It was Sunday. My best friend spent the whole day at home. I think she might be sick. Soon enough, I received a message from her. Alice caught a cold and won't come to school this week. I will go to see her later. When I texted her that, she immediately cut me off. According to her, I might get sick as well. I know that, but she is my best friend. I should be there for her. It's not like I can do much.

I took my things and walked to class. It will be lonely without Alice. I walked into the classroom. Only three students were there. Soon, everyone will come. I sat down and pulled out what I would need for this class. In the next one, I will have a history test. We had presentations, but we also should do tests. I waited for miss Williams to come here. Usually, she arrives a bit early. I texted Alice, and she sent the emoji with the thermometer. I feel bad for her.

- Hello, everyone. We have five minutes to start the lesson.

- Miss Williams?

- Yes, Loren.

- Alice won't come here this week. She is sick.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me.

I was about to put my backpack on the free chair when someone pulled it and sat down. It was Dylan. I don't mind him being here, but I thought he always sat with Jackson.

- Hey, I hope you don't mind me.

- N-no. W-where is Jackson?

- Sick at home.

- Really? Alice is too.

- Our friends have been out, dressed not according to the weather. You can guess the rest.

- I understand.

- That's why I want to sit with you.

- No problem.

- How do you feel today?

- Better, thanks.

After this class, Dylan and I went to get ready for the next one. I have studied for this test, so I should get a good grade. Well, sometimes teachers like to surprise us. When the bell started ringing, we walked to class. The teacher was already there with the tests. He started giving them to us. We have two groups. That way, you won't cheat on the person next to you. It's not like this is helping. Technically, the questions are the same. They are in a different order and with mixed answers. If the correct answer on my test for question two is a, on Dylan's test, it might be question number seven and c.

- Ok, you can start the test. If I catch someone cheating, the student will get an F. Good luck.

I checked all the questions before marking the answers. There were two questions with free answers. All you have to do is write it down, not choose from the given options. The questions were easy. I looked at Dylan, who was writing his. I noticed that he skipped some of them. Well, he will come back later. I will help him with what I can. After twenty minutes, I was on the free questions. On the first one, I have to answer with not more than three sentences about what happened during the given year. That took me five minutes. It was easy.

- Excuse me?

- Yes, Loren.

- Can I take a piece of paper for the last question? The space is not enough for me.

- Sure, but don't write me novels, ok? Keep it short.

- I will try.

On these questions, I always write a lot. That's why teachers tell me to write only the important things. For ten minutes, I filled out the paper. I checked every question and gave my test to the teacher.

- I have a question. - one girl said

- I'm coming.

- Quickly show me the questions which you haven't answered. - I said to Dylan

- Here.

- Ok, five is a, nine is b, eleven is a, thirteen is d, seventeen is c. Also, sixteen is not a. It's b. Let me check the test.

I quickly turned around to see where the teacher was. Luckily, he wasn't looking. Someone else called him. Dylan had only two mistakes. It's visible that he has studied. I told him the answer to the first question you have to write. Later, the teacher came, and I couldn't do anything.

After the last class, I went to the books I will take home. It feels weird that Alice is not here. I was about to go out when Dylan came. I noticed how Christina looked at me, but I ignored her.

- Hey, what are your plans?

- To go home and study.

- Will you mind if I take you for drinks? I owe it to you after the history test.

- You don't owe me anything.

- Yes, I do.

- Thanks, but I want to go home.

- Will you call me when you go there? We can study together.

- You can come with me if you want.

- Really? Are you sure?

- Well, I can't hide forever.

- Thank you. I appreciate it.

Both with Dylan walked home. I didn't even bother to show him around. All I wanted was to curl up in bed. Honestly, I have been thinking about it since I got up. I left my backpack on the floor and laid down. Soon, Dylan came and did the same.

- Loren, are you ok?

- I don't know.

- Can I do something for you?

- Thanks, but I will be fine.

- I like your room. You have a lot of books.

- Yeah, I like to read.

- Are these your grandparents?

- Yes. They passed away when I was eight.

- I'm sorry.

- It's ok. I'm over it.

- So, this is where you spend most of your time.

- Yes. Here I feel safe.

- From what?

- Everything. People, negative comments, opinions.

- Why do you care so much about it?

- If only some people said it, I wouldn't care. The problem is that they are many.

- You think much about it, and that's what upsets you.

- Maybe.

- You have to look at things from the bright side.

- What is that?

- You have a beautiful house, parents who love you, and food on the table. Also, you have ginger hair and freckles.

- You noticed them. Usually, no one does.

- They might be invisible for the rest, but I see them. That is what makes you outstanding.

- If you say so.

- Don't you trust me?

- I don't even trust myself.

- Why do you think so low of yourself? You are one beautiful girl, and you should be proud of that.

- I don't feel this way.

- That is your mistake. I think you look great.

- Thanks.

- Do you have pictures of yourself as a baby?

- I think I do. Why?

- Can I see them? I showed you mine.

- Yes, sure. I will take them.

I'm trying to be positive, but it's not working much. If the shy Loren had been here, she would never let Dylan here. Well, I'm not in the mood to complain about that. I took the box with pictures from my wardrobe and put them on the bed.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

- I was three here.

- I like the piggy tails.

- Mom loved them. That's why she always tied my hair like that.

- Now I love the bun.

- Why?

- I don't know. It suits you well.

- Thank you.

- Where was this one taken?

- That's in our old house.

- Do you have a picture of you and me? I mean from the lemonade story.

- I don't think so. I asked my mom to give me money.

- I have to say that you were one cute little girl.

- Um, I was little, for sure.

- Cute too. I love the hair. Well, I still do.

- Why?

- Because you are the first person that I saw with ginger hair.

- Really?

- I have seen other people on tv or the internet.

- I understand. Well, it takes me time to take care of it.

- You are doing amazingly.

- Why don't we study? Later we can talk again.

- Sure, no problem.

Dylan and I studied for two hours straight. I was reading my geography lesson when I received a hug and a kiss on the top of my head. I looked at him, but he only smiled. I didn't say anything and continued with it. Later, I went for snacks. Dad sent me a message that he had a late meeting. I guess it would be only my mom and me for dinner. That was until I received her call. She will go out with friends. I was invited as well but refused to go. Maybe the next time.

- Do you want to stay for dinner?

- Sure, but what about your parents?

- Dad has a late meeting, and my mom will go out with her friends.

- Ok, then. I will keep you company.

- Do you like pasta?

- A lot.

- Will you mind if I made it for dinner?

- Not at all. Homemade food is always better.

- We have orange juice and lemonade for drinking. Well, except for water. We always have it.

- I will take the lemonade. It brings good memories. - Dylan said, and I chuckled

We talked for an hour in my room. Later, I went to prepare dinner. Dylan wanted to help me. There is not much he can do. I still gave him some chores. I told him to set the table. Having dinner in the living room is not something I like. There I only eat snacks. Also, we have a silver couch. I don't want any sauce spilled there. While the pasta was boiling, I showed Dylan around. Our house is not big, but I like it. He likes the backyard.

- Who picked the design?

- Mom. She loves decorating.

- It's visible. I like the colors she chose.

- Me too. Dad loved everything. Well, he is ready to do whatever she says without complaining.

- That's true love.

- That's why I want to be like them. Well, when I grow up.

- What about the boy?

- I want to be with someone who will understand me and can handle my mood swings. - I said, chuckling

- Hey, everyone has their bad days.

- I know, but mine became often.

- Don't worry. I won't let you feel sad.

- Thank you, Dylan. You always know what to say.

- That's why I am here. Let's eat now.

Dylan and I sat at the table. I put some pasta on his plate, and he started eating. The boy made sounds. That was enough for me to understand that he liked it. I didn't say anything and started eating as well. Dinner was peaceful. The thing is that I don't know what to tell him. I went to take some biscuits. It's all that has left us as a dessert.

- Here you go.

- Thanks. I won't deny one.

- Did you like the dinner?

- No, I loved it. I think you should cook more often.

- I don't have time.

- This can be another distraction.

- I haven't thought of this.

- Don't worry. I'll eat everything. - Dylan said, chuckling

- I'm sure about this. What do you want us to do now?

- Why don't we go into the backyard?

- You liked it, didn't you?

- Yes.

- Ok, then. I will take some blankets.

- In that case, I will take everything off the table.

- Don't worry. I will do it in a minute.

I went to take a blanket and gave it to Dylan. Later, I went to the kitchen. Since he wanted to help me so much, I let him. I quickly washed the dishes and let them dry. Both of us walked into the backyard. Dylan has put the blanket on the ground.

- What's the plan?

- Sitting and talking. I want to use every moment before the shy Loren comes back.

- W-why?

- Hey!

- Relax. I was kidding.

- What will you do after we graduate?

- I don't know. In the summer I will be here.

- I meant after high school.

- Oh. I will start searching for a university. Mostly applying.

- Do you know what you want to study?

- Not yet. That is a hard choice.

- I was thinking about something connected to social media.

- Like an influencer?

- Not really. To work for one so it can grow up big.

- I don't understand.

- I want to be part of the design.

- Well, I think there is a career for that. I haven't checked.

- There is. I will think about it more when the time comes.

- I'll do the same.

Dylan and I talked for a while. Later he went home. I would like it if he stayed more, but my parents will come. I know they will ask him a million questions. It's not like I mind, but I prefer to avoid that. One day, he will present himself. For now, we are trying to keep it on the friendly side. I don't know what happened with the shy Loren, but I'm glad she was gone for a while. I had a great time with Dylan. He knows how to bring someone's good mood back. I'm scared. If I tell him everything, he will get distant. I like that we talk so much. I want to keep it. I hope that I will be able to make a move before it's too late.