Illicit Cravings

Being Alice

Present date...

A new month, a new man to lust. After what happened to Clive, I didn’t bother with dating. I couldn’t stay long enough with a guy to worry that my dad would hurt him. I’d go to my favorite dating app and swipe left, until I found a guy that was within my taste and went for a quick hook up.

But that night, I felt like dancing, I was feeling invisible. Dad was filming abroad, and I felt like a kid set free in a candy store. I had no visible wounds at the moment, and I had no intention of bringing anyone home. Bathroom blowjobs or handjobs with deep kisses on the back of a car have been my go-to for the past few months, and I was okay with that. I didn’t need another Clive, I’d still remember the look on his face and the pity goodbye blowjob he had given me.

I didn’t drink, not after Landon’s death, and I didn’t drive under the influence. Hell, I rarely drove, I mostly walk considering my apartment was within a walking distance from campus. But you couldn’t call me Alice because I like taking pills without knowing for sure what they’d do to my state of mind.

The gay bar was my wonderland, my rabbit hole, and that night I just needed my very own mad hatter to keep me entertained for a couple of hours until I woke up to my reality.

The bouncer knew me, he was the Cheshire cat giving me the path to my nightly adventure. College was about making friends, whereas, sadly, that was the department where I was lacking. I didn’t let people in. The closest friend I have was my driver, Miller. He knew everything about me and took care of me without any questions being asked.

“Hey, you’re Reid, right?” I smiled, taking the fancy overpriced bottled water that they sell at the club.

“Yes,” I raised my brow to the muscled wall of the sexy man in my front. I didn’t even dare to attempt flushing his name from my brain.

“It’s me, Kayne, from the football team. We go to the same campus. Jeez, it’s been like...probably a year ago. How are you?”

Still suicidal, but meh...enough about me.

“I’m...still in school?” I offered him my best reply, since I didn’t do chitchat. I was Alice, I went where I was told, and I took pills with blind faith.

The hot footballer laughed and took a sip of his light beer. Hmm... my very own mad hatter, no one laughed at my response. I didn’t even joke, I didn’t socialize, I was just living. Miller made sure of that.

Kayne ushered me to the dance floor, and suddenly I remembered him, the backseat blow job before my first attempt to exit my pathetic life.

Kayne and I were kissing in no time. This time he pulled me into the back dingy alley. There was a thrill about doing it in the open, and after the pink pills, I was high as a mother f*****g kite.

“You’re so adorably cute, I could ravish you all night. Come back to my place?” Kayne asked, and I shook my head, telling him I want it now. The man let out a sexy growl when he slipped his hand under my shirt and his cold hand traced behind my back, traveling under my briefs after managing to unbutton my pants. His kisses were deeper and my d**k was grinding his erection. I moaned louder when he squeezed my ass and pulled me closer and our body gyrated shamelessly.

We ended up going to his car and he was on top of me in seconds, the kiss was hot as hell and I got to see his naked chest this time when his shirt was restricting him from moving freely between my legs.

He had given me the same enthusiasm as our last hook-up, and I was on cloud nine the second he took all of my load. And I was tasting myself in his mouth when he reached up and f**k my mouth with his.

The groans were feral enough that I was reciprocating his kiss and let him jerk off on my thigh.

I liked touching the guy, feeling his weight on my body, until finally, the footballer marked me with his c*m and his body engulfed me for a couple of seconds before he apologized and took a handful of tissues and cleaned his mess from my inner thigh.

“That was so hot,” he rested back in the backseat after pulling his boxers and jeans in one swift tug. It took longer for me to sit up and pull up my briefs and pants back on. “Give me your phone, we should do this again.”

“Kayne, I don’t do seconds, I don’t date...”

“Oh,” the man looked disappointed, and it was too precious, so I reached out and took his phone to type in my number. “We can still be friends,” I said to my very own confused mad hatter.

“Oh,”

“I should go, I’ll see you around campus.” With my last words, I got out of his car and walked back to my car. Miller was sitting quietly behind the wheel and nodded when I told him to get me back to my apartment.

“Miller?” I asked when he took the wrong turn.

“Your father is back in town. He asked for your attendance.”

“f**k, I didn’t even do anything in public. I’m in a f*****g gay bar minding my own business. f**k, Miller...this is why you should just let me f*****g die. Just make sure Benson is notified. I’d probably need him before I go back to my place.”

My body visibly shuddered just in time when Miller looked at me from the rear-view mirror. I know the man had signed an NDA working for my dad, and he was bound to his job. He was doing his best for me, and it was just going to be a couple of more years before I could access my trust fund until I’d get out of my father’s reach.

My granddad, from my mother’s side, had arranged it. The man despised my dad, but still, I was lacking the courage to go to him to tell him about Dad’s abuse. I didn’t want him to be upset with me either, then decided to pull out my trust fund. I was so screwed. I had no life skills and no degree. I couldn’t survive without my family’s money, and I couldn’t even end my life.

I wished that night Dad would finally lose it and beat me up to death. That night, I would succumb to my dad’s wrath. Though I was disappointed when he instructed me to pull up my long sleeves and expose my forearms. He took a cane before he started hitting me. It hurt like hell, but it wouldn’t kill me.

Damn it!

“Yes, I’m back, and I didn’t like knowing that you’re doing stuff in an alley.” He hit me harder each time until I saw blood. I didn’t dare cry, my chest heaved from the pain, my body almost gave up on me, but I managed to keep sitting upright and let him call me a sissy boy, telling me Landon was the one who should’ve lived over and over again until I passed out from the pain.

Miller must’ve taken me back when I woke up the next day and cursed, knowing that I was going to be late for my Architectural History Class.

I took a quick shower, and wasted a good time re-bandaging my forearms after failing to keep them from getting wet. I wore my long sleeved polo before I decided to wear my pullover instead. My body felt a bit warm. I always have a bit of a fever after a good beating from dad. But I couldn’t afford to miss more of Professor Palmer’s classes, not if I wanted to pass his mandatory class attendance, since my grade was not helping. History bored me to death. Hmm...maybe his class would finally be the death of me.

With that thought in mind, I slipped into his class fifteen minutes before it ended. “Mr. Ryker, nice of you to finally join us today. See me after class.” The man was like my personal white rabbit. He looked at his wristwatch when I entered his classroom.

I nodded and then followed him into his office when the class ended. I took my seat when told me to. My forearms throbbed. I hadn’t had my breakfast and my painkiller. I was in a hurry to get to his class, and at that moment I felt a fever creeping in. I just hope he didn’t give me a long lecture so I could go to the cafeteria and eat before taking my pills.

“Are you even listening to me? Do you want to pass this class?” The man was handsome, he was older, sexy as hell, but I didn’t even have the interest to follow through, not when almost every student in his class was salivating for his attention.

Maybe I was w***e, but I was not an attention w***e. I tend to keep things to myself, knowing I had too much baggage to share with anyone.

“Yes, and I’m sorry, Professor Palmer. I will come to your next class on time and I will take any extra assignments to pass your class.”

“You looked pale, are you alright?”

I was tensed at his words, cold sweat was forming on my back. I could feel them trailing down my spine, cursing on the inside. I tried to keep my voice calm. “I... I’m fine, I skipped... breakfast, I woke up...la...late,” But I still came out stuttering.

“Go sit on the sofa,” the man instructed, and I followed. He took out a protein bar and a can of soda from under his desk. I blushed when my hand shook as I tried to open the wrapper.

“What are you on?” He looked at me suspiciously, my blush must’ve made him think I was on something and that’s when he reached out to feel my pulse and found my sloppy bandage.

“What happened to you?”

I surprised myself when humiliation was the first that hit me. No one knows about my injuries outside my little circle. I didn’t befriend anyone because of it. I was secretly ashamed of myself.

“I’m okay, I... I shouldn’t waste any more of your time. I’ll talk to your TA...” I blurted out words in my panic state, I need to get out of his office.

“Stop this, Mr. Ryker, I want you to answer me, who did this to you?”

My tears fell, I was becoming the sissy boy, the humiliation was too much, and I didn’t resist when Professor Palmer rolled my sleeves, and his breath hitched when he peeked under the bandage and saw the mess my dad had made on my forearms.

“Mr. Ryker?” he asked again sternly.

“My dad.”

“Fuck...” that was the first time I heard him curse. My white rabbit looked rattled just before darkness surrounded me, and it was my time to curse, for fainting in his office.

Down... down... down... into the rabbit hole.