Defending Deanna

Ryker I watch my boss and best friend argue with his sister. "De, let me take care of you." She sighs exasperated with her brother. "I'm fine everything is fine. He's on house arrest, you don't have to worry.” I want to speak up and agree with my boss, but I bite my tongue. I don't want her to think we're ganging up on her. We kind of are but we don't want it to feel that way. We’re only here to get Deanna to agree to let her brother move in during the trial, so that she’ll be safe until the monster is back behind bars and can’t get to her. "Just let me move in and protect you. It's just during the trial." She glares at him. "No! I could barely get you to let me have my own place and you live down the street as it is." Maddox sighs. "Fine, then let Ryker do it." She glances at me. "What? No." “It's me or Ryker. It's up to you but one of us is moving in here to protect you." She lets out a huff. But doesn't say anything at first. I almost smile at the look of frustration on her face. This was all part of the plan. My boss came into my office this morning and begged me to accompany him to see Deanna so that he could use me as a threat to get her to agree on her brother moving in and protecting her. Deanna avoided me at all costs so we knew she would give in and let Maddox move in. I hate to be the threat to her but if it keeps her safe then I’ll be the threat. Anything it takes to keep her safe and sound. "This is my apartment. I don't need a babysitter. I have lived on my own for over a year without any issues." Maddox sighs. "It's not about babysitting. It's about keeping you safe. I can't let anything happen to you. I can't risk it. He wasn’t this close before. You were safe, but now that he’s out, it’s too risky to have no protection for you. Please let me do this. I can’t handle anything happening to you again." He pleads with her with his eyes. I can hear the pain and fear in his voice, and I have to hope she does too. I can tell she's softening. She's a total softy when it comes to her brother and his fear over her safety. She sighs. "Fine, Ryker can stay.” My breath catches in my throat. This is not the way it was supposed to go. There’s no way she said what I heard. Did she just say I could stay? That was not supposed to happen. "Um... Ok good... Good...Ryker, can I see you outside to go over some security plans?" I nod silently and follow my boss outside. I’m still in shock over the uno reverse of that conversation. I was supposed to just be the threat to show there were worse options, so Maddox moving in wouldn’t sound so bad. How did she change things and twist it to this? The second we’re out of ear shot I can’t hold in my annoyance anymore. “Dude, you said that she would never agree to have me around and I was just supposed to come to get her to agree to let you move in. " “I know, that was the plan. She wasn't supposed to choose you. I was sure she would agree to let me move in. I know this wasn’t the plan, but I need you to do this. I know it’s a major ask. " “You can't be serious." Maddox is so protective of his baby sister. He never trusts anyone else with her, especially after what happened when she was a kid. I can see the desperate and pleading look in my best friend’s eyes. “Please I have to keep her safe and if she's willing then it will make everything so much easier. I can't let anything happen to her again. " Maddox goes silent and I can imagine all the horrors Deanna went through are playing in his mind. Maddox would never forgive himself for what happened to his little sister. I was just as responsible if not more for what happened to Deanna, so I understand the struggle my friend is going through to some degree. It isn’t quite the same thing, and Deanna doesn’t blame her brother the way she does me. It's understandable. He’s her brother I’m just the kid from the wrong side of the tracks who let her down so royally. She will hate having me in her space. She hates me and avoids me as much as possible. I don’t want to make her life harder, but I can’t let them down again. I won’t let them down again. "Ok, I'll do it." Maddox sighs in relief. "Really?" "You know I'll do anything for you guys. I'll go pack up some stuff and move in now. And when I get back, we can go over all the security measures and what we wanna do to make sure she's protected." Maddox nods. “Ok great. I'll figure it all out. I really appreciate this. I just can't let anything happen again.” We say our goodbyes and I head home to pack and prepare to spend days around the woman who can’t stand to be around me for even a minute, and it’s not like I can blame her really. I can’t let anything else happen to her on my watch either. I will literally protect her with my life. Maddox started his security company to make sure he could protect Deanna no matter what. I was so honored he trusted me to work for him and keep his customers safe. Security is my job, and I am damn good at it, but I am definitely nervous about protecting someone that I’ve known for so long. Deanna has always meant so much to me and I will never forgive myself if I drop the ball with her again. ****** 10 years ago I watch Deanna as she watches the animated movie that her brother had chosen for her when we came to the movies. Maddox had a hard time remembering that she was 14 and not 5, but she took it all in stride. He had always been pretty overprotective of her. I know it grates on her nerves. She’s more patient with her brother than I would be, but I understand that she loves him and goes along since it keeps the peace. She glances over at me and smiles. "I can't believe he suckered you into watching this baby movie with me.” She says laughing. I can't help but laugh along. Her eyes light up and she's so pretty when she laughs. "Hey, I will have you know I love animated animals talking and saving the day. They're my favorite kind of baby movies." She laughs harder and it makes me feel so special. This girl is all things light and shiny in this world and I revel in her shining her light on me. "You are so stupid.” She says smiling as she turns back to the movie. I smile to myself. I love that she never seems to get annoyed by anything. She's just happy all the time. I’ve never met anyone else who is such a ray of light. I reach for some popcorn from the bucket on her lap. And my hand brushes hers. I leave my hand in the bucket a bit longer than I should because then I get to touch her, even if it's just her hand. I wish I could touch her anytime I want. I wish I could hold her hand and brush my thumb along her lips. I wish I could touch my lips to hers and hear her gasp in my mouth but that’s not an option and probably will never be. Finally, with great force of will, I pull back with some popcorn. She smiles at me again, and my soul soars, like it always does with her. "Ok, so I bet the jerk pig is gonna be the savior at the end. He's gonna find a heart and help." I laugh. She's probably right but I have to disagree. I just love arguing with her. I never miss an opportunity to needle her. "I don't know, he seems kind of far gone. Maybe he betrays them at the last second.” She huffs. "No, he's the unlikely hero who acts all mean and tough at the beginning but then comes around when it counts." "Wanna bet?” I say in a challenge. I get excited at the idea of a bet with her. We make stupid ridiculous bets all the time. Somehow though she seemed to always win, even when she lost. What could I say? I’m a total softy for her cute little pout when she looses. Honestly, I probably enjoy her losing more than I enjoy the winning part because then I get to be her hero. She smiles and bites her lip. My eyes are drawn to her mouth, and I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to kiss her. My mind seems to head in that direction more and more lately and it’s not a good thing. I have to keep my hands and lips to myself, or it could ruin everything. The spell is broken when she once again talks. "What do I get if I win?” She says smiling coyly at me. A kiss? My mind screams. No, I can't say that. I must get my head out of the gutter. As much as I want to suggest such a thing, I know I can’t. "What do you want?” I ask finally. She thinks about it for a sec. "You have to buy me anything I want at the concession stand." I nod. “You have a deal miss." Of course, she wants something like that. She doesn’t have her mind in the gutter. She probably doesn’t even want to kiss me, and yet that’s all I seem to be able to think about lately. I need help. I need to get over this and not have these feelings anymore. She laughs again. "My snacks are going to taste even better since they will come with victory over you.” She says and laughs evilly. I can't help but laugh with her. She's so cute. I glance down at her hand. The one I got to hold for a second while I grabbed popcorn. I want to reach out and grab her hand now. And see what she would do. Would she hold mine back? Would she pull hers back like I had burned her? Would she laugh? Or maybe she would just be confused. I can't take her hand though. She is so off limits it's not even an option. There is no exception in the world that would make her available to be with me. She's my best friend’s little sister for one. It's so incredibly inappropriate that I even have these feelings but there is something about this girl that I can't get out of my head. My family is so dysfunctional. My dad left when I was a kid, and my mom brings home random crappy guys that treat us both like crap. The world sees me as a loser, and I can't blame them, but Deanna is different. She makes me feel like any other guy. She doesn't see me as the loser trailer park kid with no dad. She makes me feel seen. I want that more than anything. But like I said she's so off limits. She's too young for me. She's only 14 and I’m 17 so it's not ok to have these feelings. She's also way too good for me. She has a more normal happy family, and her world is perfect. I would only bring her down. But still, I can't get her out of my head. "I see the pig coming around. I am going to win. So, you'd better get your money ready. I am feeling very hungry.” She says laughing. I notice a piece of popcorn on her chin and without thinking I reach up and wipe it away. I hesitate with my hand against her chin, and she looks up into my eyes. I look down at her lips and I’m so tempted to kiss her. She sucks in a breath, and it breaks the spell. I shake my head and pull my hand back. I quickly turn and face the screen. That was so stupid. I am so stupid. I almost kissed her. Maddox stuck me on babysitting duty, but this is suddenly feeling too date like. I know I have to put a stop to these feelings they aren't ok, and I can't risk messing everything up. Since my house is such an unstable place, I have always spent most of my time at the Maddox family home. Their mom treats me like another kid and Maddox is more like a brother than a friend. And there was a time when I wanted to see Deanna as a sister. I never got to that luckily because it would be even weirder since she’s now the girl I can’t get out of my head. If I make any kind of move on her, I risk not only my best friend, but also my second mom who seems to actually care about me. But if I mess with Deanna, I know they’ll be done with me for good. "Hey kid, I'm gonna be back in a bit." She cringes at the use of kid. I know she hates that, but I need to put up a shield to keep my hands to myself. I won’t step over that line even if I want that more than anything. I head over to a girl a few rows in front of our seats. She's been glancing back and smiling at me all night. She will willingly distract me from the one girl I can't have. Against my better judgment I glance back at Deanna, and she looks crushed that I left her. It feels like a punch to the gut, but I don't have a choice. I hate myself in that moment for hurting her. It's for her own good though. She'll be better off without me. I didn't know it then but walking away from her that day would be the worst decision I ever made, and I would regret it for the rest of my life. That night changed everything for all of us and if I could go back, I would undo that one horrible choice. Unfortunately, I didn't go back to Deanna. Instead, I stayed with the random girl wwhomI barely even remember the next day and Deanna was kidnapped.