Defending Deanna

Chapter 13

Ryker

My heart is beating a mile a minute. She agreed. I wasn’t at all sure she would. I half expected her to laugh in my face. I don't know why I think I can change anything for her but honestly, I want to help her and heal her. I want her to have everything in life. Truthfully, a part of me wants to give her everything but she deserves better than someone like me. But maybe for a while I can help her heal even a little.

I want to grab her and pull her into my arms and feel her body against mine, but I promised not to touch her. She stands before me with her eyes closed ready for me to kiss her and all I have to do is touch my lips to hers.

I lean in careful not to touch her. She smells of lavender. I know that's the soap in her bathroom. I’ve used it before. It’s starting to become my favorite scent and when we go our separate ways after my job is done, I know the scent will haunt my dreams.

I can tell she's tense and I want to help her relax a little.

"Remember I will stop if you ask. The second the words leave your mouth I will back off.” I whisper it softly.

I look at her lips, but I don't kiss them yet. I blow my breath on them, and she shivers slightly.

Finally, I lean in and touch my lips to her.

She hesitates but doesn't pull away. I take that as a good sign. I touch my tongue to her lips to silently encourage her to open her mouth. I’m relieved when she does. I deepen the kiss.

It's challenging without touching her, but I am a man of my word. I form fists at my side to keep from grabbing her and pulling her against me. I breathe in her lavender scent and her minty breath.

My tongue touches hers and she touches my chest. I’m prepared for her to push me back. Maybe this was all too much too soon.

I want to sigh in relief when instead she grabs on to my chest and pulls me more against her. I want to cheer. She’s enjoying kissing me.

I hesitate to touch her. I want to. I want to pick her up and place her on the counter behind her. I want to feel her legs wrapped around me more than I want my next breath, but I don’t want to scare her off.

I have to be gentle and take it easy with her. She deserves gentle and easy, even if it kills me. She did agree that if she touches me, I could return the favor. I slowly wrap my arms around her and pull her closer. I am tense for a second wondering if it will ruin the moment, but she kisses me more eagerly. I sigh into her mouth at the feel of her body against mine. She fits there perfectly.

I had dreamed of kissing her years ago. I haven't let myself think about it since that night at the theater. It was almost a punishment for being so weak that I left her and then the worst happened.

Even with all the dreams of kissing her, they didn't at all do it justice. Kissing this girl is dangerous because I never want to stop. I want to claim her as mine and kiss her for the rest of my life.

I can’t do that though. She may never be able to handle more and so I have to be careful with her. I also have to remember she isn’t mine. As much as my instincts scream the contrary, she isn’t mine and can never be. She deserves flowery romance and safety, and I'm not the type and with my job, safety isn’t guaranteed. I know I will have to let her go when all this is over but I will enjoy every moment I get to spend with her showing her what it means to be cared for and passionate.

We continue to kiss until finally I pull back. I don’t want to break the moment, but we are both breathless.

She meets my eyes, and she looks dazed and surprised.

I want to laugh but I’m a little dazed myself. That was the soul crushing earth ending kind of kiss that you only dream about and rarely have.

I have kissed many women throughout my life. Some of them more fun than others but it has never felt like this before.

A part of me is terrified. Deep down I knew kissing her would be different but I part of me j

hoped it wouldn't be special so that I can let go of my feelings for her.

"Well how was it? Is that something you'd do again?” I hold my breath waiting for her answer. I want to kiss her a thousand more times. I would love nothing more than to spend my life making her dazed and breathless but maybe she doesn’t feel the same.

She smiles. "I don't think I can answer that so maybe you should show me again just to be sure I know how I feel."

I laugh and my soul lifts. This version of Deanna reminds me of the girl I loved when I was a teen. She was cute and saucy and smart aleck. She challenges me at every turn but in the most thrilling way. I am so amazed to see a glimpse of that girl again.

I know that exploring with her is going to be fun.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” I say with a wink before I press my lips to hers again.