Irredeemable (Harry Potter fanfiction)

4 - Back to School

The days leading up to Draco's return to Hogwarts were uneventful, and he swung between looking forward to going back and dreading it in equal measure. He and his mother had had a pleasant Christmas day; they exchanged gifts and had dinner, then sat listening to the usual Celestina Warbeck festive special. She hadn't questioned him again about his date on Christmas Eve, but must have noticed that he was distracted at times.

His obsessing with Hermione had done some good; he had not had his usual nightmares. Instead his dreams had been filled with confused brown eyes and pointless longings. He also didn't seem to be filled with as much self-loathing as he previously had; talking about his time as a death eater genuinely seemed to help. Like Granger had said, he wasn't irredeemable.

He was packing his trunk with the last of his school supplies, when his mother appeared in the doorway of his room. "Nearly done?" she asked, watching him toss books into his trunk.

"Pretty much," he replied, frowning at the nib of an old quill that needed sharpening, before chucking it in with everything else.

"I wanted to ask if you wanted me to accompany you to the station tomorrow." She looked slightly nervous, although what she wanted him to say he wasn't sure.

"That would be nice," he replied, "although if you would rather not I will understand." There, suitably diplomatic!

"Ok, I will!" she said with a smile. "Although I may not come on to the platform…"

He was about to be diplomatic again, when he decided not to. If he was going to forgive himself, then his mother should too! "Come on to the platform," he told her. "We have nothing to be ashamed of! The ministry have judged us as not guilty, it's time we started acting it!"

His mother stood there in his doorway, looking somehow small to him. "Draco, I'm not sure that I can…"

"Just give it a try," he cajoled. "We can't hide forever."

His mother suddenly looked at him shrewdly, "She is doing you some good, isn't she?"

Draco felt himself flush, "I don't know what you mean." He said quickly.

"Ok, well I will come on to the platform tomorrow, but only because I want to see this girl who has you so preoccupied." His mother gave him a smile that he found altogether far too knowing. At his annoyed huff, she said airily, "Dinner in half an hour!" and went back downstairs.

That evening he carefully picked out the muggle clothes he was going to wear to the station, trying not to analyse his motives too much. He was oddly ambivalent about seeing Granger the next day; would she acknowledge him? Would she be angry with him for the kiss? Then an even worse thought occurred to him, what if she had slept with Weasley over New Year?

Pushing that unpleasant thought away, he got into bed. Time to use his Occulumency training again.

Draco took his mother's arm as they entered the station; she was nervous but trying to cover it. They were both dressed as muggles, and passed through the station without notice, pausing at the barrier to platform 9 3/4.

"Ready?" he asked her.

At her tight nod they stepped through the barrier, and were at once hit with the usual cacophony of noise. Parents, children and owls all screeching and chattering away whilst weaving around trolleys and trunks and cages greeted them. Stepping out into the chaos, they made their way towards the front of the train where it was a little quieter.

Draco surreptitiously scanned the crowd, looking for a glimpse of chestnut ringlets. He spotted the Weasley's a little way down from them with Potter in tow, but no sign of Granger. The Weasley matriarch caught sight of him and his mother, and he was surprised to see her give a nod of recognition to Narcissa.

"Is she here?" said his mother, noticing him searching. Draco gave her a frown, and didn't reply. Where was Granger? It was unlike her to be late.

"That better not be her…" his mother continued, nodding at someone behind him. He turned, and saw his mother was indicating one of the little Ravenclaws who had spoken to him on the train, who was eying him coquettishly.

"Mother, no! That's not her." He cried in disbelief, what was wrong with the girl? Still looking at him like that after he had been deliberately unpleasant to her!

"Thank goodness! If it had been we would be having a talk about appropriate age gaps!"

He had a last glance up the platform but there was still no sign of her. "I had better get on the train," he said, turning to his mother.

"Alright darling." She said, giving him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for coming to see me off. I'll write at the weekend!" Draco lugged his trunk up into the carriage, looking for an empty compartment. He saw Theo Nott alone in one, and decided that would do.

"Nott" he said in greeting as he hoisted his trunk into the luggage rack.

"Malfoy" came a terse reply.

Draco sat down and looked out of the window at the platform, just in time to see his mother dodging through the crowds to the exit. Oh well, he thought, at least she came along, and hopefully saw that she wasn't completely despised if Mrs Weasley's reaction was anything to go by.

"How was your Christmas?" Draco asked Nott, in an attempt to start a conversation.

"Alright," came the sullen response.

"Mine was alright too, thanks!" Said Malfoy, giving his sarcastic best; He was fed up with everyone treating him like crap!

Nott looked surprised for a minute, then said, "Actually, no. It was s**t! Happy?"

"Not really," commented Malfoy, "but at least you gave me a real answer. I suppose honestly, mine was pretty s**t too!" Christmas eve notwithstanding, he added in his head.

"At least you were with your mum." Countered Nott. "I was with my aunt Jocasta. She feels responsible for me whilst my parents are in Azkaban, but would much rather I was there with them. I should have stayed at school, no one wants me there either but at least I don't have to pretend I'm grateful for it!"

Just like that, Draco knew that this term would not be as bad as the last.

The train journey passed monotonously, Draco and Nott speaking infrequently but the atmosphere was more relaxed than it would have been previously. It was dark and freezing cold when they disembarked and joined the exodus of shivering students walking towards the waiting carriages. Draco noted grimly that he had no trouble seeing the thestrals that pulled them now. He had a quick glance around for Granger, but as expected, it was too dark to really recognise who the hooded figures around him were. He climbed into a nearby carriage along with Nott, and were followed by three second years who looked utterly terrified when the realised who they were sharing with. He and Nott exchanged a look, and they both began to laugh at the absurdity of it all. The second years looked even more worried, and one glanced at the door like he wanted to leap out of the moving vehicle!

"Calm down," Nott told them waspishly. "We're far too tired to murder you tonight!" He and Draco chuckled again, with the second years looking on like they were insane.

It wasn't until they got to the feast that Draco caught sight of Granger, seated next to Weasley at the Gryffindor table. She laughed at something one of them said, and her eyes flicked over to the Slytherin table. Looking for him? He ducked his head, not wanting to be caught staring. Now all he had to do was engineer a meeting; would she go to the library tonight? Probably not, he concluded. He would have to wait until tomorrow to speak to her.

He ate breakfast quickly the next morning, eager to get to Transfiguration. He sat at his assigned desk at the back of the room, alone as usual. The other students filed in, Potter and Weasley sitting up front, Granger and Abbot sitting behind. He was pleased to see her turn and give him a slight smile as she was getting her books from her bag, which he quickly returned; she obviously wasn't too angry with him then.

He was distracted all lesson by watching her interactions with Weasley, trying to see if anything had changed, but if anything they were even more distant. Weasley talking to Potter and on his other side Patil and Brown more than he spoke to Granger. Luckily the subject today, human transfiguration, wasn't too taxing for Draco. That was one good thing about being around Voldemort, you learnt to pick up new magic very quickly. Fear of death was an amazing motivator! He smiled grimly to himself, obviously attracting the attention of Professor McGonagall.

"Mr Malfoy," she barked. "Let's see you change your appearance!"

With a casual flick of his wand, he turned his sleek blond hair into a mass of black curls.

"Very good." Said McGonagall grudgingly. She had never been outwardly hostile to him, but he as pretty certain she would never be able to forgive him for his role in Dumbledore's death. He turned his hair back and sat once more. His eyes strayed back to Granger who had given herself a pair of elephant ears, laughing hysterically at Abbots attempt at a long horse's nose. They were a contrast to Potter and Weasley, who seemed to be having a whispered argument under cover of the chaos going on around them.

"Homework!" barked McGonagall, bringing the classes antics to a halt. "Practice human transfiguration. This will be part of the NEWT!"

The rest of the day continued in the same fashion, going from lesson to lesson, all the while acutely aware of Granger. All in all the first day back was fairly easy, he had homework from every teacher and for once was pleased as it would mean an evening in the library, no doubt he wouldn't be alone.

Draco sat at the Slytherin table eating the delicious pork chops the house elves had produced, and was pleasantly surprised when Theo Nott came and sat next to him. He nodded in acknowledgment and they ate in silence, but still Draco felt heartened by this apparent ally. He finished his food and glanced at the Gryffindor table; Hermione was still eating but Draco was confident that she would be in the library tonight. The Arithmancy essay alone required further reading!

Draco went straight to his corner table upon reaching the library and gathered all the books he would need, settling in for the evening. He was halfway through his essay when someone sat down at the desk next to him. Glancing up in annoyance, wondering who would purposefully sit near him, he saw Granger pulling parchment from her bag.

"Hullo Granger" he said nonchalantly; belying the thrill he felt at her choosing to sit near him.

"Hi Malfoy." She got out all of her work, and sat, absentmindedly running the tip of the quill back and forth on her chin whilst reading her assignments. She seemed rather distracted, he noticed, and after a few false starts she laid down her quill.

"How was the rest of your holiday?" she asked, turning towards him.

"It was alright," he said. "Didn't do a lot. How was new year?" Bit obvious, but he wanted to know what was going on with her and Weasley.

"Yes, it was good." She replied, but there was a slight twist to her mouth showing that she was not telling him everything.

They lapsed into silence for a while, both attempting to read, but Draco must have re-read the same paragraph five times.

Not meeting his eyes, Hermione suddenly blurted. "Why did you kiss me that night?"

Off guard, Draco didn't reply for a moment. "I told you Granger, I had too much to drink…"

"No." she cut him off. "You weren't that drunk. I need to know why." Her cheeks were flaming, and she still hadn't looked up.

What could he say? "I don't know Granger. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Oh." She said. It seemed she wanted a more complex explanation than that.

"Come on Granger," he continued, "you must know that you are attractive. Is it really that strange that someone would have a couple of drinks and try to kiss you?"

She turned and even darker shade of scarlet. "But you… I'm a mudblood… you don't…"

"It's not a big deal. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you." This conversation was not what Draco had envisioned it to be.

"I'm not offended." She said. "I'm just confused. But you're right, we should just forget it, it's not a big deal." She dropped her head and looked intently at her book again.

"How are you finding the Arithmancy essay?" he asked, not wanting to allow the conversation to die.

"Not too bad," she said, "I have made a start from my notes, but I think I will need some help. Can I have Numerological Theory after you?"

"Sure, I'm nearly done." They worked in silence for a while, Draco's mind straying frequently from his essay. If only he could forget about the kiss! He knew that there could never be anything between them; there was too much history of mutual loathing and distrust, but couldn't help imagining what being with her would be like. She was sweet and trusting and everything he had never had, and never deserved.

He finally finished his essay, and handed the book over to her. As she leant over to get it, he caught a trace of jasmine from her hair, and realised he needed to leave before he said or did anything inappropriate.

"Well, I'm getting tired." He said abruptly, standing. "I'm off to bed, see you Granger!"

He quickly gathered his books together.

"Ok. Good night Malfoy." Said Hermione. She gave him a distracted smile, already engrossed in Numerological Theory.

Malfoy swiftly left the Library, trying to govern his thoughts about Granger. Not fancying going back to the common room just yet, he took the long way back to the dungeons. He hadn't been walking for five minutes when he ran into Weasley, who was alone and looking distinctly shifty.

He gave Malfoy a sneer as he passed, but didn't say anything, and Malfoy followed suit. Continuing down the hallway, Malfoy almost immediately ran into a rather flushed Lavender Brown. No, thought Malfoy, it must be coincidence; surely Weasley wouldn't be that stupid?

He was all of a sudden angry and savagely pleased all at once; how dare Weasley mess Granger around? Not appreciating what he had! This would be the end of Weasley and Granger!

Even if it is the end of Weasley and Granger, the sensible side of him piped up, this doesn't mean that Granger will want anything to do with you! She can do a lot better than an ex death eater and school bully, with no money and no prospects! Anyway, you don't even know for sure that anything is going on.

These conflicting thoughts carried Malfoy back to the dormitory, barely noticing the usual hostility aimed at him.