Holding On

Chapter 2

“Did you really think the best thing to do was to let Grace handle breakfast?” He was mad. Like fire-breathing dragon mad but I wasn’t about to back down. “It’s not like I had much of a choice. By the time I came down, she was half-done already. What did you expect me to do?” “I expected you to NOT let her cook. If you hadn’t spent so much time thinking of how to get rid of me, maybe you would have been downstairs early enough to cook.” “What’s the issue? It’s not like you haven’t eaten her food before. Or is she such a bad cook that you can’t stand just one meal she made?” The idea that Grace was a bad cook was laughable. I could still catch little whiffs of breakfast even if I was upstairs in the bedroom with the door locked. Brad isn’t a violent man, but at that moment he looked like he could put a giant c***k in the major pillar of the house. “Don’t you realize what’s going on? The more the children see and hear of Grace, the more confused and conflicted they get. Especially Lisa.” “Trust me, Lisa is not confused in any way. She knows exactly what’s going on and exactly what she’s doing.” Now it was Brad’s turn to look confused, “What do you mean?” I wasn’t ready to lay out my suspicions. “It doesn’t matter. Look, if it makes you feel better, I’m sorry about breakfast. I promise it won’t happen again but I don’t get why you are so worked up about it. Brad, Grace is back and if you want to remain part of Lisa’s life, you are going to have to accept that we are going to be seeing a lot of her. You of all people should know that at this point, if Lisa is asked to choose between you and Grace, she’d go for Grace…without hesitation.” That seemed to give him a lot to think about. After a minute or two, he sighed and said, “You’re right. I’m sorry for blowing up. This past week all I have been thinking about is the negative effects of Grace’s return. I haven’t really thought about Lisa…and when I did think about her, it was always in the context of her mother taking her away from me.” “Its okay.”

Brad went down to join the others while I went to freshen up. I had another thirty minutes soaked in thoughts. I kept wondering if what Brad said had any truth in it. Grace didn’t appear to be one of those vindictive bitches who would keep a child away from the father. But Grace has missed out on a lot of time with Lisa. It would be understandable if she wanted some time to exclusively be with Lisa. And Brad didn’t want that. I was more confused than ever with Lisa’s strange behavior. We always got along. But now, it looked like she wanted me out of the way. I shouldn’t be giving space for these thoughts. If I keep doing this, I’m going to get defensive and instead of helping Brad, I would be fighting him. I needed to calm down. In my attempt to do so, I went eight years back in time, to when I first met Brad.

At the time, I was a rising lawyer. I focused on criminal litigations. I still lived in New York, where I had done my masters and PhD. It was rare to see a lawyer who had gotten both before hitting thirty but I was a very determined character. The lawyer that handled Brad’s company’s affairs had just passed and I had been chosen to take over. I hadn’t wanted to. It was out of my comfort zone. I majorly dealt with criminal and international law, taking over the company’s legal affairs would mean more of contract and tort than crime. I hadn’t had much of a choice anyway; the perks that came with it were too good to miss. By accepting, I immediately became a junior partner at the firm. It was a dream come true, except for having to deal more with compensations and damages than imprisonments and fines. I looked forward to finally meeting the CEO of the Starborn Conglomerate. I had already done my research. I knew the company started a little over twenty years ago with just one land, rich in oil. From supplying only petrol, the company has diversified into many other areas.

With this prior information in mind, I stepped into the board room, expecting to see a man who is, at the very least, in his 60s, only to see his son who had taken over heading the company a little over two years ago. I like to keep business and pleasure in two very different categories and so when I first saw Brad, it was all business. I remember leaving that first meeting with a smile, feeling proud of how I had handled things. A few months after that, Brad asked me out. At this time, I could already call him a friend and not just a client, but nothing more than that. I was shocked when he asked me to dinner that had absolutely nothing to do with work. I felt wary. It took a lot of convincing to finally get me to agree. I didn’t want people to think that I got to where I am because I have ‘with the bosses’.

As I stepped out of the shower, I spotted our wedding picture by the bed. With a smile on my face, the first since Grace’s sudden appearance the day before, I reminisce on all we have been through in the past years and it gives me hope that somehow, possibly, we would come out of this situation intact. I quickly dressed since I was already late for work. In Lagos, stepping out even a minute after 7am simply means being at least thirty minutes late. Okay that’s an exaggeration, but still. I was happy to find out that Brad had already taken the kids to school. The only person left in the house with me was Grace. She was sipping a cup of coffee when I came back into the dining room. Feeling a lot better after my shower, I gave her my first genuine smile and said, “I’m happy you’re here…for Lucy. She is overjoyed to have you back in her life.” “I’m happy too. I could only wish I hadn’t missed anything at all.” I smiled sympathetically. I couldn’t imagine not seeing Kim and Ken for a whole day, talk less of ten whole years. Which brought to mind the question: What kind of mother would leave her child and disappear for a whole ten years without a trace? “What happened?”

She had on that cynical smile again. “Long story short, I had an accident that resulted in amnesia that lasted ten years.” Wow. Out of all the excuses I expected to hear, this was the most surprising…and apparently not an excuse at all. That explained her sudden disappearance and how no one could connect all the dots to find her. When I first started seeing Brad, I had tried but it was a dead end like everyone else’s report. I wanted to be sure that their marriage wouldn’t come back and bite me in the ass. In the end, it did. No one could have guessed she had had amnesia because not only is it uncommon for someone to lose his or her memory for that long but also, the car crash she had been involved in left no proof that she could have survived. That raised the second question. “How did you survive that crash?” “Its still a bit hazy, but I remember that immediately I hit the tree, I passed out for God knows how long. When I came to, I realized the car was already on fire from the bonnet and it was moving steadily towards me. I immediately got out and started walking away as fast as my legs could take me, which wasn’t really fast. The road and surrounding area was pretty much deserted. I don’t know how far I walked until I met someone. I can’t even remember what he looked like. All I know is he got me to the hospital. The last thing I heard before passing out again was the car exploding.” Hearing all this, I couldn’t even fathom the pain she must have been going through. “When I finally woke up in the hospital, my mind was completely blank, I couldn’t even remember my first name. The doctors said it was a miracle I could even speak and move because the hit I had suffered to the head was strong enough to kill me in that one instant.” Wow. That was all that came to mind…Wow.

I was speechless as I just stared and stared at her. “Aren’t you going to work today?” Her question brought me back to the present. “Yeah…yes I am.” “I was wondering if you could give me a ride back to my hotel. Brad said it along your way.” “Sure…sure.” Why was I repeating myself? I guess I was still in a state of shock. I shudder to think of waking up one morning and not remembering anything from my life. That would be the greatest evil that could ever happen to me. I locked up the house and got in the car as Grace got in with me. I was still really curious but I didn’t want to appear nosy. At the end my curiosity won. We still had time considering the Lagos traffic so instead of the suffocating silence we had now, why couldn’t we get to know each other better? “You said you couldn’t even remember your name?” I tried gauge her expression but she kept it carefully blank as she nodded to my query. “Well then what were you called at the time.” She smiled and got that far away look in her eyes and said, “The hospital staff gave me a name; Hope, because according to them, my chances of survival had been zero to nil and against all their expectations, I made it out with all my limbs and my mind intact. They were positive I would regain my memory at some point.” “I’m happy they were right.” I can’t believe I just said that. Grace smiled at me as if she knew I was just saying it because it was the right thing to do. I sighed. “Look, I know this isn’t the ideal situation for us to be in and as much as I want it to just go away, I wouldn’t wish you dead, especially not when I’ve seen how happy it makes Lisa. Every child should have their mother and father with them for as long as possible.” She smiled a little more genuinely, “Thanks” I smiled back. I was starting to think that if not for the frightening situation we found ourselves in, Grace and I could have been good friends.

As we drove in silence except for the occasional shout of bus drivers and conductors filtering in, I thought of another question. “So what are you going to do now?” She sighed. “I don’t know” “You don’t know?” Her answer angered me. I mean here I was with my whole life on the line and the person responsible for it was actually clueless on whether to destroy it or save it. “I mean, Brad wants a divorce of course, seeing as he has moved on.” “And what about you?” I asked. “Do you want a divorce?” She sighed again. I was beginning to hate the sound. “I guess all I want is a chance. I mean, what we had ten years ago was great. We were happy and that’s the last memory I have with him. If you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you want things to go back to the way they were before the ten-year gap?” My heart literally stopped at her words and the funny thing was that I understood her point. A lot of people have said that I always try to look at things from another person’s perspective. It was one of the things that made me a good lawyer. Right at that moment, I hated that innate ability of mine. As much as I wanted to hate Grace, I couldn’t. I understood her point.

“Do you know how I regained my memory?” I managed to shake my head in the negative. “I had been seeing someone for over a year. His name’s David. We went for dinner one night and he proposed to me. It was beautiful but at the same time, I felt like I had seen it somewhere else before.” At this point she had my full attention. I had to ask though, “Did you say yes?” “I did actually. Very enthusiastically because despite my doubts I loved him and I was more than willing to start a family. However, when I got home that night and went to bed…” She seemed to lose her train of thoughts and just when I thought she wasn’t going to continue, she said, “…it started out as a dream, but then I just knew I was having flashbacks. You see, the proposal was the proposal I received from David brought back memories of Brad, starting from when he proposed and once that door opened, the floodgates opened to the others. I woke up and all I could do was cry.” I was confused. “I’m sorry but after ten years how can one little thing awake all the memories. I mean, in all those years, not one thing reminded you. It just seems too farfetched.” I expected her to be offended by my words but she smiled like she shared my sentiments. “I can’t explain that. All I can say is that I called David the next day in a panic and told him everything. I can’t tell you how shocked and hurt he was to learn that I was already married but he put away his feelings, calmed me down and got me to the hospital. The doctor told me that the proposal acted as the trigger I needed to remember everything.” I was almost scared to ask, “What about David?” She sighed again. Not a good sign. “We kind of broke up.” WOW. My only saving grace was out of her life. I still had hope though, “What do you mean by ‘kind of’?” “I’m mean that he said and I quote, ‘I know you have to go back, especially because of your daughter but if things don’t work out with your husband, you know where to find me.’” She said all these in one breath. When I finally understood what she meant, I had to fight the urge to physically attack.

I am a lawyer with a reputation to protect. It won’t do to get into a fight with her or anyone else. But damn, I was mad. She had the option of divorcing Brad and marrying David who she clearly loved, but instead of doing that she was thinking of staying and ruining a lot of lives as a result. “I know what you’re thinking.” I couldn’t respond. I was so focused on not losing my cool and hitting her. Usually, I’m a calm person but sometimes, a knot could get loose in my brain and I react against the expectations of others. Right at that moment my fingers were digging into the steering wheel even though we were barely moving due to the traffic. When she saw that I didn’t respond, she sighed. Did I mention how much I hated the sound? “Look, I’m sorry. But I have my daughter to think about okay? I can’t just pretend as if I didn’t remember, as if I haven’t missed ten years already. Some women may be able to do that but I…” “Nobody is asking you to do that!” She looked shocked at my outburst. I couldn’t blame her. I never gave the impression that I was a strong personality. “You could still be a part of your daughter’s life without ruining mine. The situation is confusing enough without giving her false hope that you and Brad are going to get back together.” “What if I wanted us to get back together? I mean it’s not as if we were ever separated.” That shut me up at first. When I got my bearings, I asked, “What about David? He’s still waiting for you, isn’t he?” “I told him not to.” “So let me get this straight.” I took a deep breath. “You left a man back wherever you came from, a man who loves you by the way, to come back to a man you haven’t seen in years and who you just remembered a few weeks ago. Said man has remarried though and you still refuse to give him up and go back to your new man?” I was beyond mad now. I was livid. This woman was basically selfish. She looked at me forlornly, “I still love him okay. And when I compare what we had and what I have with David, I feel like I’m missing out.” “You and Brad had eight years together to build what you had. You and David have only been together for a year. These things take time. Its not magic.” “I know but can’t I at least have some time with Brad to weigh my options.” At this point, we had gotten to the hotel and I was about to drive in but she stopped me saying it was not necessary. As she came down I asked, “Does Brad know about David?” She looked at me and I already knew the answer. Wow…just WOW. “No, he doesn’t. And I’d like to keep it that way for now.” She was staring straight into my eyes as she said this. I looked away. If Brad knew that she had a new love interest, there was no question about it. She wouldn’t have a chance with him. But did she deserve a chance? I believed she did but at my detriment? That was a little too much to ask for. But still…it wasn’t my story to tell. “Amanda,” she drew me out of my thoughts. I didn’t even realize she was still waiting for my response. I was suddenly aware that other vehicles were behind honking for me to move. I looked at her and gave her my response. I know I’m going to regret this but here goes…”Fine, I won’t tell him…for now.” She nodded understandingly, waved and left.

I was left with my thoughts all the way to work and trust me, it wasn’t nice thoughts. I was scared of losing my family. Well, mostly Brad actually. But that thought alone was very scary. I was disgusted with myself. I had always prided myself with being my own woman, not having to lean on anyone, not even my husband for my happiness. I mean, sure Brad contributed to my happiness, but he wasn’t ever the sole cause of my happiness. Then why does the thought of losing him to someone else make my heart clench and make me want to throw up? He got under my skin.

By the time I got to work, I was ready to head back home. As a senior partner in the firm, I wasn’t really expected to show up everyday or even early but I prided myself in having very good work ethics. At that moment, I didn’t care as much. I just wanted to go home. “Good morning Mrs. Mayor, you don’t have any major meetings although Mr. Greene called to set up a meeting. When would you like that…are you okay ma?” Macy, my personal assistant was always talkative, I was surprised she noticed that something was wrong with me, especially since I was trying so hard to cover it up. “I’m fine Macy, just a little headache. I don’t think I will be staying the whole day though. I would have gone back now but I’m nit ready to face that traffic again. So I’ll just wait for noon, than I’ll leave but before I do that, I’ll be in my office. Please, no disturbance. Anything and anyone can wait till tomorrow and that includes Mr. Greene. Am I clear?” She had been nodding all through the time I had been giving the instructions but I knew from experience that that didn’t necessarily mean she was following or even listening. Macy was such a bouncy character and I kept her around because she always made the office a bit lively and at least do far, she hadn’t forgotten any important appointment. “I got everything you said ma. Now why don’t you go and rest? I will make sure no one disturbs you.” I went in and cried my eyes out. I think I cried for up to an hour and then fell asleep. I woke up to hear a couple of voice right outside my office and recognized both as belonging to Macy and the other to none other than my darling husband.