Losing The Light Of The Moon

To Thine Own Self Be True

Chapter 14: To Thine Own Self Be True

TATIANA

I have found over the years that at times, while my emotions are kept at bay to allow my door of knowledge to bring forth what is to come, they can also overwhelm me once they are set free again, especially in instances like tonight when the lives of several I hold dear had been in the balance...

As Vivian and I stood outside Lorenzo’s home, my tone reflected the distant thoughts of my reflection as I unexpectedly revealed, “When I was very young, I did feel being a witch was a curse at times. You see, I saw a lot of misdeeds and evil being done with magic back then. Hurt, pain, destruction, and death being inflicted by those who saw their power as a weapon to selfishly utilize for their own good and satisfaction. Those who—after hearing of my immense powers—wanted to use me as a weapon for their own self-serving needs. To remain hidden and safe from that threat, I would have to relocate often.”

“Just like we did when we were young,” Vivian surmised with thoughtful understanding, “How old were you?”

“It started when I was eight, but the worst period occurred when I was ten,” I slowly breathed out, “The same age as Madeline when the Rogue Eight’s journey began.”

My admission instantly sent Vivian into a stunned stupor, “Wait, you could wield and control your powers at eight? Raven was thirteen before her powers started to come to light, though she progressed quickly after.”

I smiled warmly then, “Every witch is different in when and how their powers fruition, Vivian. I was a bit of an anomaly as my powers were evident as a toddler, though I was incredibly headstrong and my control was questionable to say the least. In fact, my mother had to put a bell around my neck because I would disappear at will to different areas of the house quite frequently. Fortunately, I never went too far. Reina and Persephone have many funny stories about my antics then.”

Vivian laughed softly, “Well, at least you had the aunts!”

“Mmmmm,” I hummed out thoughtfully before reluctantly replying, “As we are each ten years apart, their presence was a bit more sporadic then as I was the youngest. Though the love between us has always been there, Reina was closer to Persephone back then, idolizing her and following her every chance she got, leaving me behind on their many exploits in their youth. The deep connection the three of us share now didn’t come until much later.”

My eyes drifting out into the darkness, I dreamily continued to reminisce, “The quote about Magic--It’s the intent that matters. Magic should always be a positive act—I read that quote in my grandmother’s magic book, those words deeply resonating with me when I was eight. I saw my powers clearly as I feel every witch should—a gift that should be utilized for good—especially for the good of others. Like you and the girls, I stayed hidden, cultivating, and utilizing my powers when needed—never wanting to openly expose to anyone what I or eventually, the Power of Three were truly capable of or who we really were.”

“Until Uncle Julien and Uncle Aldric found the Power of Three that day,” Vivian enthusiastically said, “They brought you home to Crescent Moon—becoming a part of their family and ours.”

Laughing softly under my breath, I replied, “Yes, they did. Julien literally swept me off my feet that day, threatening to carry me all the way back to Crescent Moon if I even thought about refusing our connection. The love we shared together...oh, Vivian, it was like nothing I ever could have imagined! And the most amazing part was—I never saw Julien coming.”

“He never came to you in a vision?” Vivian mused.

“No, he didn’t,” I slowly breathed out, continuing in wonder, “Julien and Aldric’s decision to come find us was a spontaneous moment. A moment I’m so grateful for now. That decision has brought with it so much joy to my life, both in love and cherished connections and friendships—and the best part of the love Julien and I shared, of course—our Jace. Prior to that day, there were only two people I considered to be allies and beloved friends outside of my sisters. After that day, my life finally felt complete.”

“Even at ten, you managed to make quite the awe-inspiring first impression,” Lorenzo’s amused voice broke in, immediately turning mine and Vivian’s heads, “Headstrong is an understatement, by the way. Your fierce independence and unwavering determination were very self-evident—as they continue to be to this day.”

Standing beside his father, Alastor chuckled out, “I still can’t believe you’ve known Aunt Tati since she was ten.”

Proudly beaming at Lorenzo, I exclaimed, “As we all know your father, I consider the fact that I impressed him at all one of my greatest triumphs!”

“No offense, Father,” Alastor lightly chastised, “But one of your greatest triumphs would have been to bring the Power of Three here to Spirit Walker that day. Although we still would have lost them to Crescent Moon thanks to Uncle Julien.”

Lorenzo’s voice fell slightly as he somberly replied, “It was a bit of a complicated matter, Alastor.”

“Yes, it was,” I kindly returned, “Independent, determined, and headstrong, remember? And as it is quite late, I think I will reel back in my surprising release of emotional reflection. Jace will worry if I don’t return soon.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Auntie,” Vivian earnestly said, again swelling my heart with love in her heartfelt delivery as she reached out and embraced me warmly, “and for everything you did tonight.”

“Always, my darling,” I lovingly replied, returning her hug tightly.

“As we eavesdropped during a great deal of your conversation, I must also say thank you,” Alastor tenderly stated, walking towards me, “I quite enjoyed learning more about you just now—it gives me an even greater appreciation and admiration for you, something that was already overflowing tonight after you selflessly saved my life. You’ve enabled me to still be here with my little beauty and saved the lives of my mother and father. For everything you’ve done tonight, Aunt Tati—I will appreciate, love, and adore you forevermore—more than you will ever know.”

Releasing Vivian, I wrapped my arms around Alastor’s fit frame before leaning back and reaching up to cup his handsome rugged face in my hands, wholeheartedly replying, “And for that, I am so very blessed and fortunate, my darling!” Grinning from ear to ear, I softly urged, “Now, why don’t you and your stunning little beauty go and get some much-needed rest for your Auntie, hmmmmm?”

“I think that is a very good idea,” Priscilla’s soft voice called out from the front porch, “We could all use some rest, including your Aunt Tati.”

Leaning down, Alastor silently nodded, his eyes full of deep adoration, sweetly kissing me on the cheek before Vivian did the same. Then, hand in hand, they walked back towards the house, each of them kissing Priscilla on the cheek as well before going into the house.

“I eavesdropped as well, Tati,” Priscilla thoughtfully stated, walking towards me, “I was quite touched to be included in your reflection to Vivian as one of two allies and beloved friends. Know that your meaning in my life is just as cherished and treasured.”

“Your meaning in both of our lives,” Lorenzo kindly breathed out, “I also found myself surprised that you revealed so much to our Vivian, especially given you aversion to discussing that period of your life at all.”

“I was surprised myself, honestly,” I stoically replied, “My emotions got the best of me, I suppose. Things could have ended so differently tonight. But thankfully, they didn’t—and for that, I am eternally grateful!”

***********

As we said our goodbyes, Lorenzo informed me that Horacio requested that I stop by the kitchen before returning home so he could speak with me for a moment. After promising Priscilla I would return to see her soon, I found Horacio waiting for me, sitting at a large table in the back of the room with a large plate of cookies in front of him and a tall glass of milk in his hand.

As I sat down in front of him, Horacio sat his glass on the table, chuckling out, “Emotional eater—typically sweets. Fortunately, our cook made a huge batch of oatmeal raisin cookies as an early birthday present. Unfortunately, while a great cook, she’s not a great baker—they’re really dry.”

Falling into a fit of giggles, I replied, “I’m sorry to hear that. Early birthday present?”

“My birthday is next Wednesday,” Horacio flatly replied, “I’ll be forty-six, thanks to you.”

“And a bit bitter about that fact from the sounds of it,” I humorously returned, “but I find myself very grateful you are still here to celebrate being forty-six years young.” Winking at him, I light-heartedly urged, “Take it from someone who is a few years older—it's much more positive to think about it that way.”

“I’ll remember that...and you’re only four years older and look younger than me, by the way,” Horacio quietly stated, running his hand up the dark stubble on his cheek before continuing anxiously running it around the back of his head, earnestly telling me, “Don’t get me wrong, Tati—I’m incredibly grateful to still be here. And as you have saved my life twice now—I more grateful than you could ever know—for you.”

Remembering my conversation with my sisters, I uncomfortably laughed out, “Saving your life doesn’t mean you have to feed my ego, Horacio, but thank you for your kind words...I’m very grateful for you and our friendship.”

“Want me to really feed your ego?” Horacio smirked, “Tink not only gave me a nickname, but she and Beast offered to be my partners tonight.”

My jaw instantly dropped as I exhaled out in awe, “NO! REALLY? What is your nickname?”

“King of Fury!” Horacio proudly boasted as he sat up straight in his chair and flexed his tight muscles, flashing me a wide grin before we both fell into soft laughter.

“Oh my!” I playfully exclaimed, “No wonder she asked to talk to me tomorrow! As an early birthday present, I’ll see if I can help that one stick.”

“That would be the perfect present, so act like I didn’t tell you,” Horacio grinned, “Seriously, I wouldn’t mind keeping that one!”

Our laughter fading, I thoughtfully stated, “If she and Beast offered to be your partners after giving you that nickname, I’m guessing it was said in a very heated moment with the prisoners.”

Horacio’s voice hardened as he replied, “It was. They came here to Spirit Walker intending to take the lives of my Alpha and future Alpha and if they had the chance, Devlin, me, and all my warriors they could. For that, they deserved to die.”

Pausing for a moment, his jaw locked hard as his lowly growled out, “But when they saw they were going to fail, they set out to take the lives of two women who are very important to me...women that I will always protect—at all costs. For that, they needed to die.”

I hesitated before reluctantly murmuring out, “You do care about me a great deal, don’t you?”

His tone softening, Horacio admiringly replied, “Since you have saved my life twice, I guess the least I can do is be perfectly honest with you now. I do care for you, Tati, deeply in fact. I always have, even before you saved my life—twice. Even when I didn’t want to, even when I was forced to forget you—after my memories of you were returned, I realized you were still inside me—you were hidden, but you were still there...deep in my hardened heart. As I looked back on it, that’s when I realized...I know Julien felt the same way.”

Taking in a deep breath, Horacio exhaled it out slowly before fondly reminiscing, “The first time I saw you was in battle. I didn’t want witches there, so I was incredibly displeased that my first thought was how beautiful you were. You were so fearless and brave that day, I admired you even more. And then, you selflessly saved my life.”

Sighing out uncomfortably, he continued, “You were always kind and genuine towards me every time we crossed paths—knowing I was going to be polite, but an ass, nonetheless. Over time, I came to care more and more about you, but I also knew I had to avoid you to stop myself from allowing those feelings to grow any further—because I knew it would only be one sided...you were Julien’s mate.”

Reaching over the table, Horacio took my hands and held them gently in his large palms, tenderly telling me, “I know the love and deep bond you shared with Julien, Tati, and I respected it and appreciated it. That’s why I stayed away from you. For us, Julien has been gone for seven years. For you, he’s been gone a few days. I know back then, I avoided you because of my feelings, but I also know what you are going through now—the sadness and the pain of loss—and I want to be there for you in any way you need—as your friend.”

I could feel the crimson rising in my cheeks as Horacio spoke, awkwardly replying, “Thank you for your kind words and your honesty. I’m afraid I’m at a loss for words. I just never realized...” My voice trailed off as I felt a large lump form in my throat.

I had no idea of Horacio’s feelings for me that he kept hidden inside back then. And honestly, I didn’t know what to think about it now. What I did know was Horacio had his heart shattered by his destined mate, which in turn hardened him as his only way of protecting himself and his heart. For him to talk to me so openly now—to express his feelings to me in such a way—I couldn’t deny how much it touched my heart, especially what he said about Julien.

Looking down at my hands, I fidgeted with my fingers, finally forcing out, “While it comes across as very hardened to most, I have always seen the heart you work so hard to hide.”

“You are one of the few,” Horacio gently chided, “which is why I’m really hating myself right now for pouring my guts out to you. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable—to feel like we can’t be friends.”

Swallowing hard, Horacio’s jaw ticked as he earnestly said, “Few things have meant the world to me in life, Tati, but our returned friendship has quickly become one of them. I meant what I said, I want to be there for you. But I also won’t lie to you—when we talk, it calms me and brings me peace inside, and I don’t want to lose that. There are only two people who have truly seen this side of me—Umar...and just recently, you.”

Apparently, he suddenly became overwhelmed by his genuine heartfelt disclosures, quickly chastising himself, “So, hopefully, I haven’t just screwed the whole thing up. I’m not good at this stuff, you know! That’s why I keep a small circle, so I don’t have to deal with a ton of emotions. Do you have any idea how much of an i***t I feel like right now? You know me, Tati...I don’t react well when I feel like that. I’m an ass!”

His tactic worked on both of us, easing the tension as I giggled out softly, “While no one would ever believe me if I told them of this conversation—”

His eyebrow shooting up, Horacio slowly drawled out his interruptive warning, “Which you won’t!”

“Which I won’t!” I laughingly assured him before warmly informing him, “I could never see you as an i***t, Horacio, and I very much appreciate your willingness to be so open with me. Your friendship means the world to me as well. It would devastate me to lose it. You bring me the same calmness and peace.”

His voice reflecting a rare soft and hopeful tone, Horacio pleaded, “Then what do you say we both save ourselves from feeling devastated? Forget I’m an i***t? Keep exploring this friendship of ours?”

Smiling at him brightly, I sarcastically asked, “Privately, of course?”

“Openly, if you wish,” Horacio retorted, “You have saved me twice. No one could fault me for showing a little gratitude!”

A mocked innocent expression crossing his face, he sheepishly added, “Just, you know, understand I may come across as an ass? It’s not intentional, more of a habit and reputation thing.”

Nodding in humored agreement, I giggled, “Sounds perfect.”

Standing up, Horacio walked around to stand beside me, extending out his hand, “You should get home. Jace is probably worried about you.”

Placing my hand in his, Horacio gently pulled me up before leaning down to kiss me softly on the cheek, “Goodnight, Tati. That was a kiss of gratitude, nothing more, I promise.”

Tilting my head back to look up at him, I cordially returned, “I know. Goodnight, Horacio.”

His blue-grey eyes filled with kind reverence as he looked down at me, “Thank you for saving my life again and your willingness to still be friends.”

“Always,” I ardently replied, squeezing his hand before releasing it and taking two steps back, winking at him just before I dramatically lowered my arm down then briskly lifted it up in front of my body, returning home to Crescent Moon with an appreciative smile on my face. I was very touched by Horacio’s openness with me...and so very grateful to still have our friendship intact. If only he would show everyone the heart that he truly has inside...

As promised, I immediately linked out Jace, quietly telling him, I am home, my darling.

Good, I was just about to check in with you, Jace immediately replied, Get some rest for me. There was a slight pause before he lovingly added, Nicely done tonight, by the way. I’m both incredibly thankful and very proud of you. I love you to the moon and back, Mother, forever and always.

My breath caught in my chest for a moment—his endearing words of love were those we would say to one another when he was a child—before I affectionately returned, I will do anything for you, Jace, and thank you. To make my son proud makes my heart so very full and happy. Sweet dreams, my darling boy...I love you to the moon and back, Jace, forever and always!

Quickly changing, I snuggled into my covers, bringing them up to my chin as I fell into a deep peaceful sleep for the first time since I arrived home. And my dreams? They were filled with the visions I loved most—the good ones.