Losing The Light Of The Moon

Looking Inside Your Heart...

Chapter 46: Looking Inside Your Heart...

HORACIO

After discussing some plans for preparing our army at Spirit Walker for the upcoming battle and other business that needed our attention, Priscilla came back to their room, taking a seat beside Lorenzo, both silently looking at me with curious eyes...

“Should I be nervous?” I humorously asked, darting my eyes between them.

“I don’t know, should you be?” Priscilla pleasantly replied with a thoughtful grin. I knew that smile—it was an unnerving smile—one that I had seen on her face many times with Alastor—a smile I wasn’t sure I wanted directed at me...

“No,” I nonchalantly answered, trying to react as I normally would despite my nervousness, “You have known me long enough to know—I’m always honest. Ask me anything.”  After the words came out of my mouth, I wondered if I wouldn’t regret them...

“We have known you, Horacio, since the day you were born,” Lorenzo thoughtfully stated, “And have always appreciated your sincerity and honesty. Both Priscilla and I have always held you in extremely high regard—which is why it was so easy for me to choose you as my Beta. A choice I have been incredibly grateful for—for many reasons—including the close bond it has enabled us to share, especially after your parents passed away so unexpectedly when you were just getting started in our army.”

“You have always been like a son to us, Horacio,” Priscilla kindly stated, “No other Spirit Walker warrior has ever been more dedicated than you. Our family has always been first and foremost in your mind, while never seeming to desire anything for yourself. You have spent your entire life caring for and protecting not only us, but all of Spirit Walker—and we would be remiss if we didn’t thank you for that—for all that you have sacrificed.”

I was flabbergasted as I took in Lorenzo and Priscilla’s words. Rare terms of endearment—words that touched me to my core—feelings that were very much reciprocated by me. I had always considered Lorenzo, Priscilla, and Alastor, even though we strongly disagreed at times, as family—especially after my Mother and Father passed away from viral lung infections that plagued several families in our pack. It devastated me—watching them fight to breathe. Though like my Alpha and Luna, I never felt the need to express my feelings openly...and still wouldn’t if it weren’t for my Fairy Queen. Without her influence, this would admittedly have been a more uncomfortable conversation...

Swallowing hard, I quietly admitted, “I hope you both know what you mean to me—Alastor as well. I think one of the reasons we have always gotten along so well is because we have never needed to express it in words, we always just knew how we felt. I will always be dedicated to you—forever—nothing will ever change that. You are my family and I have no regrets about my life, because I’ve received everything I have ever wanted, especially being your Beta.”

Chuckling slightly, I anxiously mused, “So, I hope this isn’t the beginning of you telling me I’m being forced into retirement.”

Lorenzo adamantly stated, “You will be the Beta of Spirit Walker for as long as you desire. This is more about what you have given up.”

Priscilla protectively spat, “That despicable Dusan’s rejection of you—not that I’m not happy that vile creature left Spirit Walker and know without any shadow of a doubt you were done a favor by her doing so—but Lorenzo and I have both known it is part of what led to you not seek a life outside of your duties at Spirit Walker.” Another unnerving smile crossed her face as she soothingly stated, “Until—Tati.”

Lorenzo calmly stated, “It has not gone unnoticed by us that you have become quite dedicated to Tati—devotedly so.”

“Just as your deep adoration of Tati didn’t go unnoticed by me years ago,” Priscilla knowingly continued, “Back then, Lorenzo and I always disagreed on that subject. But you have finally given me victory in the debate—watching you and your actions following her return—the closeness you share now—it has proven to both of us that you have cared greatly about Tati for quite some time. Though being the person you are, you chose to respect her and her life then. Simply admiring her from afar. But we have seen changes in you as of late—”

“Changes that please us both a great deal,” Lorenzo quickly interjected, “Tati’s influence, while not as noticeable to others who don’t know you as we do, gives us hope that you will finally allow yourself to enjoy time with someone who brings you joy—to put yourself first a little—though not too much, I hope, as it would pain me to lose you completely. Alastor is going to need a strong Beta by his side.”

Priscilla eyed Lorenzo warily as she stoically relayed, “But should that be your wish, you have given us more than we could have ever hoped for and have earned the right to finally live your life.”  Her warning gaze turning to me, she added, “But know while I care for you a great deal, I’m just as protective over Tati as you. If you ever hurt her in any way, I will hurt you—severely. And you know me well, Horacio, so you know that to be true.”

“And true for me as well,” Lorenzo cautioned, “Not to mention Alastor’s dedication to her now would more than likely make it a triple-threat to your well-being, despite our love and adoration of you. I’m afraid even you can’t break our unwavering love and loyalty to Tati.”

“Not surprising.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say the same applies to all of you,” I exhaled out heavily, “I haven’t fooled either one of you. You both know, don’t you?”

Clearing her throat, Priscilla knowingly grinned, “Only aware of your growing closeness—until last night. I may have had trouble sleeping, deciding to go to the kitchen to make myself some tea.  As I passed Tati’s room, I heard you inside—you were unusually animated in your declaration of love for Tati, though muffled I could make it out. I respectfully didn’t eavesdrop long—but I do have to say I agree with you. After everything you’ve been through, you should be able to choose who you love and, as I know you have chosen Tati, I also have to say—you have chosen well. A fact that cannot be denied by anyone and if she feels the same, you are the most fortunate of men.”

Shaking my head, I exasperated out, “Well, so much for keeping it a secret!”

“Why are you choosing to keep it a secret?” Lorenzo curiously asked, “Are you two worried about everyone’s reactions?”

“Well, I was worried about yours,” I honestly admitted, “and for the record, I have no intentions of retiring anytime soon, but will take you up on some time off. Tati and I will work out the details of managing our time between Crescent Moon and Spirit Walker, which should please you as you will be seeing her more. But that’s not the main reason for keeping it quiet—Tati’s visions are—and none of them sit well with me as they center around Frieda and the Forest of The Vines.”

************

CHARLOTTE

Carson asked if we could take a walk to see Auntie’s bench, which excited me a great deal. But he was unusually quiet and looking incredibly nervous as we made our way down the path, making me curious as to what was going on in my love’s always rampant mind...

“Alright, Chatterbox,” I lovingly urged, “What’s going on? You know I get worried when you’re quiet, Carson—it’s never a good sign. Has the Dark One done something I need to know about?”

“No, though maybe I should be worried,” Carson anxiously replied, “Tink’s been rather quiet too—no antics today—you may need to check on that later. That usually means she’s planning—it’s always dangerous for me if Tink is planning, Lottie—love language or not.”

We arrived at Auntie’s bench, and I was blown away by the beauty of it. I’ve always loved Jace’s woodworking talent—smiling as I sat down beside the beautifully engraved heart in the center, reading his heartfelt words about our Auntie...

“ It is so beautiful! And so comfy! We may have to come here more often to enjoy the water together!” I exclaimed.

Standing in front of me, Carson let out a broken, sharp breath, “Yeah, Jace did a great job, didn’t he?”

“Carson, what is going on with you?” I deliberately asked, reaching out to grab his hand comfortingly, “You really are worrying me!”

Running his hand through his hair, Carson let out a frustrated sigh before holding up his finger and blurting out, “Sorry! H-Hang on!”   

Sprinting over to a tree not far from us, Carson reached around the side, pulling out a large bouquet of gorgeous flowers bursting with color, rushing back over with the huge goofy grin on his face that I adored. Extending them out to me, however, his high-strung ramble continued to give me pause, “These are for you—I have to give Luna credit, she helped me pick them out. And I’m sure you’ve already figured out the big guy put them together for you. It still amazes me that Beastie-boy is so good with flowers! I just—I wanted them just right for you.”

“They’re beautiful!” I gushed, grinning up at him, “Thank you! But you don’t have to stress over making them just right, you know! It’s the thought you put behind it that means so much to me.”

Kneeling down in front of me, Carson took my hands in his, breathing out in awe, “It’s important to me, though. You’re the love of my life, Lottie. I am forever grateful the Moon Goddess gifted you to me and connected us as mates, but even if she hadn’t...the day I met you, I still would have fallen in love with you! They say the moment you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true. The instant I saw you, time stopped. Meeting you and being lucky enough to be your mate was fate, Charlotte, but falling in love with you—that was completely beyond my control! You changed everything—my whole world—that day...for the better, in every single way!”

My tears were instant, my wolf howling in glee while my heart pounded in my chest as I exclaimed, “Carson!  No one will ever say anything more beautiful than that to me—ever!”

“Good, because I don’t want anyone else to ever say anything more beautiful to you, Lottie,” Carson earnestly whispered, “You’re MINE! I will never get tired of loving you. In fact, you make me fall in love with you more every single day...”

His words trailed off as Carson reached into his pocket, pulling out the most stunning ring I have ever seen in my life, a large diamond surrounded by sapphires set in white gold. I gasped, jerking back slightly in my stunned state, sending brimming tears streaming down my face as he smiled brightly, “I love you more than you will ever know! Marry me, Charlotte—my beautiful Lottie! Be mine in every way!”

I squealed, thrusting myself forward, knocking Carson to the ground—landing on top of him just as I did the first time we walked along the lake, the same musical laughter from deep inside his chest spilling out to fill the air all around me as it did that night as he chuckled, “I’m supposed to be sweeping you off your feet, Lottie! You really have to stop making me look bad!”

My face hovering over his, I sweetly replied, “You have swept me off my feet! My feet aren’t on the ground either!”

Lifting his head up, Carson sheepishly asked, “So, is that a yes?”

Nodding fervently, I exclaimed, “YES! Forever and always, YES!”  

“OH, THANK YOU! I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!” Carson exhaled out heavily in relief, his head dropping back hard onto the ground with a broad grin before bringing the ring back up to gently place it on my finger.

“It’s so beautiful, Carson!” I admiringly breathed out, holding my hand up in the air, “I couldn’t love anything more!”

“You’re so beautiful, Lottie—I couldn’t love anything more,” Carson replied in the same adoring tone, “Guess that makes it a perfect fit for you.”

“I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!” I exclaimed before crashing my lips onto his, our passionate kiss sending me into a bliss like none I have ever felt in my life. 

The love I felt for Carson overwhelmed me—I did love him—completely—every cute and goofy look and action, every sweet and loving rambling word—every gorgeous and pure, tenderhearted part of him—forever.

As he slowly broke our kiss, Carson asked, “Want to sit on Auntie’s bench together for a bit or run and tell everyone now? Or just lie here on top of me? Your choice—I will do anything you want, Lottie, always.”

“Let’s sit on the bench for a while,” I adoringly told him, “Enjoy our moment. Hope Auntie doesn’t mind—I’m afraid, since you proposed to me there, she may have to share it with me now! I’ll be coming here often!”

“Knowing Auntie, that will thrill her,” Carson chuckled, “In fact, do you mind if we tell her first? She kinda helped me too. Big time!”

“The words, I’m guessing?” I laughed out before kissing him again softly.

“In a way,” Carson happily admitted, “She gave me the inspiration—helped me find the words that were in my heart all along. All those words about you are always in my heart, Lottie. Only the perfect ones will ever do for you!”

**********

JILLIAN

While their intent was to torture Mattias by not allowing me to take him breakfast or lunch, I was the one truly being tortured, especially after my note yesterday. Even worse, I had to hide the burden of my devastating back and forth emotions or the plan to save my mate would fail miserably—and I more than likely would die for my betrayal... 

It was maddening not knowing what how Mattias felt about me now—my wolf feeling the same overwhelming anxiousness and fear—furious with me for the choices I made—making it more and more difficult to hide the torment inside. Fortunately, Amelia, Kristoff, Lucious, and Arturo had gone to the Forest of The Vines to familiarize themselves with the layout for the battle they were planning, allowing me to prepare myself to finally see Mattias’ reaction and hoping beyond hope that he could forgive me.

Kristoff left a guard at the entrance to the dungeon with instructions that Mrs. Dottie and I could deliver the trays to Mattias and Guntur but he was to follow us as we took them down and then bring us directly back up—another method of torture for my poor Mattias—and for me...or was it? I was about to find out... 

Taking in a deep breath, I readied myself for Mrs. Dottie’s plan to give me a moment alone with Mattias—a plan to help me that I hoped worked...

Only for you would I do this, Jillie! Oh, I can’t believe I’m holding this thing right now!

Walking ahead of Mrs. Dottie towards the entryway, I forced myself to maintain a calm exterior as she suddenly let out a loud yelp, “Oh my word! What just ran across my foot?” 

Immediately after, a large mouse she strategically dropped ran between my feet, scampering across the floor in front of the startled guard, who attempted to stomp on it, sending it back towards Mrs. Dottie, who conveniently dropped her tray in a panic as the mouse made a fortunate turn, directly back towards the guard.  I hurried down the stairs squealing as the guard continued his attempt to rid us of the vermin. 

As I rushed down the hallway, Mattias was on high alert, calling out, “What’s going on? Everything okay?”

“Seems we have a mouse problem,” I nervously replied, anxiously trying to read Mattias’ expression, able to finally let out my held breath when I saw his whole face light up—he was overjoyed to see me!

“Give Guntur his first,” Mattias softly directed, his beautiful blue eyes revealing there was an intent for his action, “He needs it more than I do.”

“Okay,” I uncomfortably agreed, hurriedly lifting the access door as I breathed out, “Nice to see you awake, Guntur. Wish we were meeting under better circumstances.”

“Thanks. Nice to meet you, Jillian, no matter the circumstances,” Guntur pleasantly replied, “Thanks for the tray. Another sandwich?”

“Yeah,” I apologetically breathed out, “Sorry.”

“No worries,” Guntur chuckled, sending me a coded message that set my mind at ease, “It works for me—really. Seems I eat them like you do—prefer taking them apart.”

“You okay?” Mattias muttered under his breath, his fingers white from his tight grip on the bars as I came face to face with him, his gaze full of distress and despair.

“Fine,” I anxiously murmured, “I didn’t know if—”

Before I could finish, Mattias’ hands released the metal, thrusting forward to gently wrap around my head, pulling me close, our foreheads touching, his lips directly in front of mine, inaudibly breathing out before kissing me softly on the lips, “I love you, Jillie.”

The soaring emotions of love flooding out from my heart and excited wolf caused a slight lapse in my control, but I quickly recovered, murmuring a gentle warning under my breath, “Careful, Alpha.”

“Sorry, no real experience with women,” Mattias’ hot breath blew out across my lips in response.

He’s killed the mouse, Jillie, taking it outside now. Get to the top of the stairs as soon as possible!

“I have to go,” I whispered softly, regret filling my eyes as I peered deep into his, fighting the tears that threatened to expose themselves, “Mrs. Dottie is bringing the other tray.”

“It’s okay,” Mattias soothingly exhaled out, his eyes asking the question as he released his hold on me, “Though I won’t like Mrs. Dottie as much as I like you.”

“Maybe not,” I quietly replied, “But I love and trust her. She’s family to me.”

“I love and trust you, Jillie,” Mattias breathed out, “Always.”

His words sent me over the moon with happiness as I ran towards the stairwell, turning to beam at him before running back up the stairs. I reached the top just before Mrs. Dottie and the guard returned, positioning myself against the wall as they came into view, my voice filled with panic, “Did you get rid of it? I’ve been standing here waiting. I hate mice. Afraid to come back in there.”

“It’s gone and fortunately, I won’t need to make another tray,” Mrs. Dottie unevenly breathed out, “Just a bit jumbled, but I’ll fix it. Go on back to the kitchen now, Jillian. We have had enough trouble for one day.”