Her mother's daughter

Goodbyes

{Making decisions is the most relevant thing to do but arriving at the best choice is the greatest battle we have to fight and win...}

The it was late in November having completed our high school studies. Climate in our region is unpredictable but today it seemed to have mercy on us. I and my friends were holding a party later for us to give our farewells and goodbyes to one another as we open a new chapter of our life.

I sat at the balcony watching the sun set and i bet this is the best view i can't get tired watching daily but i knew it was impossible. I received an invitation letter to join a University in California through scholarship. I was happy receiving it as it has been my dream to study abroad but I didn't think it will be so soon. I wanted to spend much more time with my mum and my brothers but the time was limited. I somehow felt sad but i couldn't show it i knew better.

My brothers too were very happy for me and wanted to celebrate my victory but i refused to hold one. I didn't like the idea because it will only make me sad leaving the country to a far place. Miles and miles away from home. I have never been away from my family for more than a week and now i'll be away for four good years. This is really going to be the hardest time in my life.

I was lost in my own world and didn't realise that i was not alone anymore. My mum stood right next to me. She seemed worried that look on her face that i never wanted her to have it, and that's why i made sure i did my best to make her happy. Our dad left since i was seven years old and since then i have never came across him nor heard about him. The last time i heard of him he had remarried and this had left my heart broken. My mum did everything in her power to give us a better life of which am greatful about. I love her so much and having her by my side i can't ask anything else.

"Hey mum how long have you been here," i asked leaving my thoughts alone.

"Long enough to recognise that you are sad about something, what is wrong with you honey," she asked fear and concern drawn on her face.

"It's nothing mum just wondering about something," i said.

"Want to talk about it."

"No mum it's not a big deal i only don't want to go to the party, i want to spend more time with you," i sincerely answered of which it was partly true.

" It's okay you can stay but what about your friends they will be going to campus very soon."

" Yeah i know but i hate saying goodbyes."

I was busy having a talk with my mother when we were interrupted by a ring on the door. I hated it knowing that it was no other than my best friend Jasmine. She is always punctual and she can't leave here without me. So i stood up from my seat to go and answer the door but my brother was already there and welcomed her in.

"Hey Eddie," she greeted me with alot of enthusiasm which faded as soon as she had a proper view of how i was.

"Wait you're not ready yet," she said more of a statement.

"As you can see i believe you're not blind."

"You can't be serious girl."

" I am i don't want to go to the party i want to have fun at home."

" Stop it Eddie until when will you stop acting like a baby, you're not a kid anymore despite you will be going to campus very soon and you will leave them behind."

" Yeah i know and you're right i will leave them behind that's why i want to spend more time with them."

" Don't be such a meanie its only today for few hours then you will be back home," she continued to persuade me but still i don't want to go.

" Then do it for me," she finally said.

" What! ...i mean what does that means."

" I will be leaving mid next week and i don't think i'll have time to say goodbye after today." I stood there shocked by the sudden news. Don't get me she is my best friend and of course i knew they were moving to India but i didn't think it will be this soon.

" What a hurry you still have few months to campus."

" I know but my dad wants us to familiarize wit the place first."

" What about your twin, is she happy with it. She hates moving."

" She is fine with it infact she is super happy about it she promised grandma to go as soon as our high school is over."

" Wow i guess there's no turning back."

" Yeah so you going with me."

" Yeah i need to see Maya for the last time and spend more time with you."

Guess what this is what i never wanted. My best friends are moving to India its a little bit far compared to me. I just got a scholarship to study in U.C.L.A and i guess am more than smitten. Studying in Los Angeles away from everyone it will be a hard time for me. We headed into my room and to say the truth my head was spinning real hard.

Leaving her seated on the couch in my room i headed to the bathroom to have a quick shower i don't want to make her late for the party more than i have already done. While in the shower i remembered that i had left an incomplete poem on the bedside table and maybe just maybe she has seen it. It was all about her.

I opened the bathroom door and i was shocked to see her holding the book reading the last written poetry. The title of the poem was written in bold Goodbye. The lyrics of the poem begun flowing in my head as i watched a tear escape her eyes.

How can i say goodbye

How can i spend a day without you coming by

We promised each other never to say goodbye

But time has really run by

You're just like a sister to me as time went by

You're my secret holder

With you i felt complete

How then am i going to say goodbye?

I walked past her slowly to my closet and started dressing up for the party. To my surprise i had no dress in my entire closet and that explains why i like being called Eddie other than Marie. I settled on a black ripped denim trouser, a white tank top exposing a little bit of my cleavage and a black denim leather jacket and a white sport shoes. I tied my hair up in a bun and walked out.

" Can't you dress like a girl for once," Jazz asked teasingly out of nowhere.

" Guess what i have no dress in my closet," i said clearly contented by it.

" What!...you can't be serious."

" Am f*****g serious, you wanna see."

" I would but we have no time. Let's go."

" Sure."

" You really looking handsome in that," she continued teasing me.

" And you really gorgeous in that dress. I swear Lucas can't keep his eyes away from you tonight," i continued teasing only to get a punch on my arm.

" Ouch what was that for."

"For teasing me." she said giving me a smirk. " Wait are you jealous?"

Oh my god this girl is playing really hard with me. " Of what? its not like am gay."

" What if you're."

" Stop it Jazz will you, am straight and if i were i couldn't definitely go for you."

" Why am i not your type." She countered but how could answer that i love her and if i were gay i would have asked her out but for now love does not exist in my world. So instead how laid my head on the window watching as the sun sets on the west. We went silent no one dared to say anything but it was a good silence. I was lost in my own world .

" I'll also go to the barracks next week," i said breaking the silence.

" Says the one who thinks am in a hurry to leave," she teased.

"Am serious Jazz," i said in a serious tone.

" But why not wait till the end of the Christmas," she asked.

" Everybody will be here and i hate saying goodbyes so i want to go before anyone starts arriving."

" You're such a meanie have i ever told you that."

" You already did some time earlier."

" What about school?" she asked.

" I'll do it online for the first year then I'll join the rest on my second year."

"Wow you have already prepared yourself that much."

" Yeah i don't want to rush when time is not on my side." I tried to reason with her and she seemed to understand having read my poem.

" By the way thank you," she said and i was confused.

"For what?"

" For the poem earlier but it will be okay and i promise i'll maintain our friendship."

" You're welcome anytime but don't remind me about that today." I said as i wiped a tear from my eyes before she realises it.

" You're so sweet thanks for everything."

" Thanks too for being there with me." She pulled me into a hug and i swear i didn't want to leave her but we had to join the rest in the party.

We walked out of her car and headed into the party and to my surprise the place was full to capacity. As we walked in we met with so many unfamiliar faces but i kept focused looking for my friends. We noticed Lucas seated on bar stool alone holding a glass of liquor yet looked so unhappy. I slightly pushed Jazz to him and continued searching for my friends and to my relief i saw Roni who now came approaching me.

" Hey you finally here," she greeted.

" You want me to go back."

" You're welcome," she said not giving me a chance to fool around.

" Thank you, where are the rest." Saying the rest i mean our group had a minimum of 10 girls if am not wrong. There's Maya Jasmine's twin sister, Denise, Simone, Samantha, Cynthia, Shantel and Lucia. On the other hand we have we Harry, Rehan, Marcus, Garvey, George and Martin. Together with this boys we made a strong group at school and no one dared to play around one of us.

" Follow me, but before you go home i want to have a talk with you."

" Okay hope i'll be available."

" Yeah sure." She sounded a little bit of being nervous or unsure of herself but i just shrugged it off furthermore i'll talk to her later. She led me to the other side of her house and i could tell this is where the real party was. The background was dimly lit with all types of colourful lights on the sides. The tables were full with every type of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. The music was loud enough but still cool. Everyone was happy enjoying themselves but i realised Marcus was missing.

Marcus could always cling on Roni as they were said to be lovers but how comes today he is missing and i knew something was off with them. I didn't bother to ask anything as i mixed up with the rest.

We spent the rest of the night talking, drinking and laughing. The weather was cool and a lot of stars shining brightly above giving us company and making the night so beautiful and memorable. As usual i don't take alcoholic drinks so all the night i was sober and awake compared to my friends who were heavily drunk.

It was past 3.00am in the morning when the place was cleared and the rest of the people had gone home. Roni gave them a sleepover night to those who can't drive home but to our surprise everyone was prepared. Their taxi drivers came for them and they all left and we had the whole house to ourselves.

Saying that i was not nervous that might be lie. I was so tensed i didn't have any idea what Roni was upto. We were friends since first year in high school and we are now like close friends even though not best friends. She led me to her room. It was beautiful with a king sized bed at the middle, a bedside table with a lamp on it and a full wall size window to see the city view quite good.

I sat quietly on the couch as i watch her move up and down in the room. Whatever she was about to say seemed to be so serious and i don't know if i was ready for it.

"What is it girl take it easy," i finally said breaking the awkward silence in the room.

" Can i trust you Eddie," she asked at low voice.

" What do you mean, if you don't trust me then why am i here," i said a little pissed off but at the same time to reassure her that she can trust me.

" Okay, i know you're wondering why Marcus was not here." I nodded for her to know i wanted to know why he wasn't there at the first place so she took it as a clue to continue.

"...i and Marcus we kinda of b-break up." she completed her sentence which left me in shock.

" What?...Wait did he cheat on you?" i asked a little embarrassed.

" No i just wanted to end things with him i can't keep lieing to be in love with him. I don't love him and i never loved him but i had to pretend to be in love with him to protect myself from being mocked."

" So you used him and lied to be in love with him," i asked out of blue.

" Yeah. I was afraid of coming out. I was afraid of being myself, afraid of being rejected so i had to fool everyone including my friends."

" So you're afraid to come out ay gay," i said making work easier for her.

" Wait did you know about this," she asked shocked and curious.

" Yeah i knew it i was just waiting for you to say it." Yeah i had known about it for almost two months now. I had seen it on her phone when she was trying to find how one knows that he or she is gay. I really i wanted to ask her about it but decided to play it cool. I wainted for het to say it bug she never mentioned it to any of us. She just kept quiet.

" You knew it but how," she asked shock clearly written on her face.

" Does your parents know about this," i asked avoiding her questions.

" Yes they know everything..."

"....and they are the ones who asked you to continue with the pretence. That you're in love with Marcus." I completed my sentence for leaving her more confused than she has ever been.

" Wait how to do you seem to know me much better than i know myself." she asked.

" Simply because i have been stalking you after Marcus came to me and asked for my help. He wanted me to know what's up with you since you had lost interest in him. He asked me to find out if you were in love with someone else but you had non. When i realised you were gay i just told him to have a talk with you and maybe he gonna find the answers he is looking for because you don't seem to be suspicious." I explained everything to her and she seemed to understand.

" Why didn't you tell him that i am gay."

" That's not my story to tell," i answered her back.

" Thank you Eddie that's why i love you," she said with tears in her eyes.

" Hey you love me," i asked teasingly.

" Yeah i love but am not in love with you."

" Mmh that hurts," i said pretending to be hurt.

" Stop it Eddie, even if i were in love with you i know that love can't be reciprocated and so i can't break my own damn heart." shd said avoiding eye contact with me.

" It's okay i got your back and this is safe with me."

" Thank you again Marie," she said .

" Spare me that name Veronica its mine but i hate it and furthermore you're my friend you have no right to call me that. Unless you want to be a stranger."

" Hey don't be such a meanie and am sorry i'll never use it," she said.

" Thank you. Lets leave that alone you were silent the whole evening where are you going for campus," i asked leaving the rest behind.

" Ooh yeah i'll be heading to California. University of California in Los Angeles. Yeah there," she said a little bit unsure.

" Are you not happy going there."

" Yeah happy but Marcus will also be joining the same campus."

" And i will also be joining you there," i said to lighten up the mood.

" You sure," she asked with a smile on her face.

" Yeah sure but i will be joining at my second year but for the first year i will do it online." Her facial expressions changed and i couldn't understand her. " Am sorry but i have to go to the barracks i have always wanted to be a detective and that's what am upto and with that when i join you i can protect both you and i, right?"

" You're right i guess there's a need for one of us to be trained hard for our safety," she said a little bit relieved.

" Promise me that you will take care of yourself."

" I promise. You too you should take care of yourself."

" Yeah of course i will."

We were both relieved but i was happy finally one of my friends will be with me and there is no need to worry. It was a good day i had to say goodbye to my friends and for Jasmine she kept her word i told her not to mention that she is leaving to me again and she left without saying goodbye. I can't believe she will be away from our country within four days from now. I will really miss her but i will make sure to call her and reach unto her as many times as possible.

That night i slept with Roni worrying about nothing. It was also a goodbye night to her until next year.