Her mother's daughter

What are you doing

{Sometimes saying sorry ain't enough to heal a broken heart:-}

I was woken up by the buzzling of my phone i had left on the table last night. I opened my eyes lazily and tried to reach for it to find out who was it interfering with my sleep. Looking at the name on my screen it was from my mum but before i could answer it the call ended. I took that chance to check at what time it was. It was already past noon and i was shocked. I have never slept for so many hours before but surely yesterday was an exception.

Next to me i heard someone moving in my right side. That's when i fully realised that i and Roni slept in the same bed. Reminiscing yesterday's events i smiled since my friend was courageous enough to come out to her parents as her being gay and they never hated her.

I thought of myself being the same what would be my mother's reaction to that. She is so religious but i have never heard any of her views regarding gayism. Having most of my friends claiming that i would end up being gay made me think of it. But how could i be in love with another girl if yet i can't bare it hooking around with a guy? How can i tell the difference between someone who claims to love me and the one who claims to like me? This 'love' things really confuses me and i don't know how to accept it rather than see myself in it.

Don't get me wrong am eighteen and all the guys who came to me i turned them down that explains why i always asked Harry to look for a decent girl no matter how many times her best friend claimed that Harry is in love with me. I didn't want to give him false hopes but still he decided to remain friends with me and keep those feelings to himself.

"Good morning beautiful."

"Morning to."

"How was your night."

"Peaceful and relaxing."

"Mine was just fine. "

"That's cool."

"What shall we have for breakfast."

"Do i have any choice." She nodded "I'm the guest here so anything i'll go for it," i answered her not ready to give any choice.

"Okay," she said while getting out of bed. She headed to her closet and came out with a sweat pant and a t-shirt. "You can have a quick shower as i prepare for the breakfast."

"Yeah sure thanks."

I did justice to myself and being sure that i was okay i walked out of the room. I had a better view of the interior of the house and to say the truth it was really beautiful. It had the theme of black and white my favourite colours. I went and stood at the kitchen bars watching Roni prepare the 'breakfast' as she called it.

Within a few minutes she came to the dining area with a tray of food. She had prepared some pancakes, sausages, bacon and a cup of black coffee my favourite.

"Welcome and feel at home."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

We dug on our 'breakfast' silently even though it was past 1pm. After eating to our fullest we cleaned the used dishes and did our final general retouch of the house and set it back in order. It was almost 3pm in the evening when everything was done and good in our sight. We sat on the couch to relax our reflexes and turned on the tv to watch a certain movie on Netflix.

We heard a knock on the door as the same time my phone rang. I just remembered i had not calledy mum for the entire day. I received the call while Roni run to check who was at the door.

"Hey, hi honey what's up you have not been receiving my phone", my mum said on the other side of the line before i had said anything.

"Am sorry mum my phone was in silent mode since yesterday."

"Where are you your friend has been calling you for a while now without answering."

"I'll call her right now ."

"You better call her, and when are you coming home."

"I'll be there in no time, thanks love you," said as i hang up to call Jasmine. After i was done with my calls i went back in the house only to find Harry chit chatting with Roni.

"Hey who do we have here," i asked interrupting with their conversation.

"Eddie, you here?" he asked clearly shocked to see me there.

"Yeah it's me got a problem with that," i continued teasing him.

"No i thought you left yesterday, am sorry,"

he said clearly unsure of what to say.

"Okay how can i help you with Harry?" Roni asked cutting short our silly conversation.

"Mnh, i left something here yesterday, a small red backpack," he explained for clear understanding.

"Oh yeah i got it was it yours," she said.

"I was in a hurry to help Marcus get home safe so i forgot the bag."

"I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay he is good now and i believe hw will overcome."

"Yeah i hope so," my friend said sadness clearly written in her face as she went for the backpack.

She came back with three glasses of an orange juice and gave one to each of us.

"Hey i'll be leaving my mum has been calling me since morning," i sait to her.

"Oh yeah i'll be also be heading back home my dad called me earlier in the morning."

"That means we're going to leave together."

"Yeah but i'll be going on the opposite direction to your route."

"Oh yeah am not lucky then..."

"I'll drive you home," Harry offered but i was not so sure about it but all in all i had to go home.

"Okay thanks." i said.

After a couple of few minutes we locked up the house and walked out. We took our different ways as we bid goodbye to Roni knowing it will be my last time to be with her till next year.

I boarded the same car with Harry. It's not my behavior to be nervous but saying that i was nervous it would be an understatement. We had small talks talking about random things here and there until he stopped the car at a quite far distance from home.

"So Marie i know this might be our last time to see each other for a while or maybe never get a chance to meet again." he finally let it out.

"Meaning?"

"There's something i have been dieing to tell you. but i don't know if it's worth it."

"Just say it stop hiding behind the bush."

"I have liked you since our second year in high school and the more you turned down those boys made me fall so hard in love with you and,"

"... and i have been willing if you can be my girlfriend, if you can give me a chance."

I was shocked by his confession but i couldn't still say yes just for his petty confession.

"What are you talking about Harry i warned you about this before," i was annoyed and mad at him.

Don't get me wrong every person would be happy if someone confessed loved to them but i was not. I had warned him before that i was not ready for love and i didn't want to break his heart. I loved him as a friend and losing him would be a great loss.

I was lost in my thoughts i couldn't find the courage to say no in his eyes yet i couldn't accept him. I never believed in love.

"What are you doing Harry?"

"I just want to kiss you, i just want you," he said out in blue.

"Stop it Harry..." but before i could complete my sentence he closed the gap between us and since it was my first time kissing i was shocked and almost gave in but i realised what we were doing and i pushed him back.

"Let me go H-Harry," i have never pleaded with anyone but i had to.

"No i can't let you go i love you Eddie," he looked at me pity written all over his face. I felt so guilty but to say the truth i wasn't sorry.

"No wait i heard that Roni is gay are you her girlfriend?" he asked our of nowhere.

"What? am not gay."

"Then what were doing in her house the two of you alone"

"We were just talking."

"Talking about what whole night and the whole day, just accept that you're gay she rejected Marcus every girl's choice..."

"...and look at you i have turned down all the other girls just to be with you, just to please you and then what you never loved me, no you are gay." he said those words with a lot of bitterness and hatred.

"Okay then am gay you happy now," i said cleary annoyed and anger was now taking the better side of me.

"Bravo bravo that's my girl now i have better plan for you," he clapped his hands and gave me a devilish smirk.

"Can i go now," i was now mad and crazy and if he push me harder i don't know what i can do to him.

" Not so fast we can have an agreement you be my girlfriend and i will zip my mouth."

"What?" i asked.

"You got me right," he said winking at me.

"You gonna be f****g kidding me."

"It's a good deal isn't it," i looked at him and slapped him so hard but i ended up hurting my hand and quickly opened the door and left his car.

" You gonna pay for that slap," i heard him saying behind me.

"It's okay do what you want to do as far as i don't get you," i turned around only to see blood at the corner of his mouth.

I cursed under my breath and i felt so guilty about the whole situation. I could have distanced myself away from him since the beginning. I knew he loved but why could i stopped this from happening? Why couldn't we just broke up in peace just like Roni and Marcus? Or was it just because i knew that this day will come? But why could i not prepare myself enough for it? What is he going to do since i can't allow him to blackmail me just like that?

I had so many things running through my head. Tears started to fall down my cheeks i couldn't control them. I lost one the most important person in my life. He was more of a brother than a friend to me. He is now like a stranger to me and i don't know if he will ever forget this nor forgive me.

I arrived at home and found my mum waiting for me.

I had told her that i will be home at 4pm but now its almost 5pm in the evening. Roni had called like 15 minutes ago but i didn't pick the call. I just ignored her. Jasmine called again ignored her and now i sure like hell that they already knows that something wrong might have happened between me and Harry.

"Hey whats wrong with you," my mum asked the moment i set foot in the house.

"Nothing mum am just tired," i said cleary lieing.

"Okay how was the party," she asked dismissing the other subject.

"It was cool and full of fun but most of them will be leaving to different universities."

"It's okay how about your bestie," she asked.

"Jasmine and her twin will be leaving to India, Veronica will be going to Los Angeles and others to different universities all over the world," i said.

"Aren't you happy that you and Roni will be together."

"I'm but its not until next year."

"Yeah i know but be cool it will be fine."

"Thanks mum, can i take a rest now."

"Its okay honey."

I left my mum and headed to my room. As soon as i entered my room Roni called the again. I decided to pick the call maybe she can comfort me a little bit.

"Hey what happened," she asked on the other end.

"I'm fine ," i lied.

"Have i ever told you that you're not a good a lier."

"Okay Harry wants me to be his girlfriend and he was trying to blackmail me when i declined so i ended up hurting him," i said while crying i couldn't handle it anymore.

" What the hell was he thinking."

"That we are together and that am gay that's why you rejected Marcus."

"I'm sorry i made you go through that all."

"Hey i'm okay it's not your fault."

"Just keep in touch okay."

"Okay i'll, i have a terrible headache let take a rest."

"I'm so sorry bye."

"Bye."

My mind was full of mixed reactions i didn't know what to do next. I took some pain relievers to reduce the pain in my head. I was lost in thoughts i didn't know when i felt asleep as i woke up the next day at 5am in the morning.

I started to arrange my belongings ready to leave for the barracks i now had a reason to go there. I had a reason to go and train much harder because i had a lot to deal with ahead of me. Life is not easy as they say. It is full of battles one had to fight and must come out as a winner.