Dumb Ways to Die: The Leveling Misadventures of an Unkillable i***t

Kazuki Kurogane had exactly three seconds to process what was happening before he died. Three seconds ago, he was happily sipping on a bubble tea, marveling at the sheer perfection of chewy tapioca pearls. The drink was divine—silky milk tea with just the right amount of sweetness, the ice perfectly blended. It was, quite possibly, the peak of human experience. Two seconds ago, he took a deep breath to sigh in pure satisfaction—and inhaled a tapioca pearl straight into his windpipe. One second ago, he realized with absolute horror that this was how he was going to die. No dramatic car accident, no heroic sacrifice—just him, a lone i***t, choking to death on a 10-peso extra topping. He clawed at his throat, eyes bulging. People around him stared in a mix of confusion and concern. A stranger hesitated, holding their own cup of bubble tea like they weren’t sure if this was a joke. And then, everything went black. --- Kazuki opened his eyes to an infinite void. A floating notification window hovered in front of him, glowing with an obnoxiously bright neon light. It pulsed, as if actively mocking him. > YOU HAVE DIED IN A STUPID WAY! Cause of Death: Choking on Boba. Stupidity Rating: S+ Processing resurrection… Kazuki blinked. His mind was still catching up. “…Excuse me?” he croaked. Another message popped up, this time in bold gold letters: > Congratulations! Due to your exceptionally idiotic demise, you have been granted a unique ability! You have acquired: "Lungfish Blessing" – You can now breathe through your skin. Kazuki stared at the notification. He had so many questions. A robotic voice echoed in the void, monotone and cheerful in a way that made his head hurt. > “Welcome to Dumb Resurrection Online, where your deaths make you stronger! Please continue dying in creative ways to level up.” Kazuki’s jaw dropped. “I’m sorry—what?!” The void didn’t care. The notification flickered, flashing one last message: > Respawning… Before he could protest, an invisible force sucked him in, dragging him through a swirling abyss of colors and light. His body twisted and turned, his consciousness spinning like a badly thrown frisbee. --- Kazuki gasped and bolted upright. He was back. He was sitting on the same bench, in the same spot, in the middle of the shopping district. His bubble tea was still in his hand. The straw was still in his mouth. But—something was different. The air felt… weird. His lungs weren’t working quite right. And when he put a hand to his throat, expecting soreness, he felt—nothing. Panic set in. He slapped his face. Solid. He poked his own arm. Normal. But then, he took a breath—without actually breathing in. Kazuki paled. “…Oh, hell no.” His skin was breathing for him. His new life as the world’s dumbest, most overpowered survivor had just begun.