High School Crushes

CHAPTER 2 - THE SECRET

Mia Williams knew the truth.

She had known for months, perhaps even longer than Emily had been willing to admit it to herself. It was not difficult to notice the way Emily's eyes followed Ethan Bennett whenever he walked into a room, the way her expression softened whenever he smiled at her, or how she always seemed to know exactly where he was, even in a crowded school courtyard.

Emily could pretend with everyone else, but she could never really fool Mia.

It was lunchtime at Westbridge High School. Students filled the courtyard, laughing, talking, sharing food and rushing from one group to another before the bell rang for the afternoon classes.

Emily sat beneath the familiar mango tree with Mia beside her. Her lunch was still mostly untouched.

Across the courtyard, Ethan was playing football with Ryan and several other boys. His school shirt was slightly untucked, and his hair was messy from running around, but somehow, to Emily, he looked better than everyone else.

She watched him laugh as Ryan attempted to steal the ball from him.

“You are doing it again,” Mia said.

Emily quickly looked away.

“Doing what?”

Mia raised an eyebrow.

“Watching Ethan as if he is the last boy on earth.”

Emily's cheeks turned red.

“Keep your voice down.”

Mia laughed softly.

“So you admit it?”

“I didn't admit anything.”

“You didn't have to.”

Emily rolled her eyes and picked up her spoon, pretending to concentrate on her food.

Mia leaned closer.

“You know, one day you're going to stare at him so much that he will finally catch you.”

“He already catches me sometimes.”

“And?”

“And nothing.”

“You smile.”

“I smile at everybody.”

“No, you don't.”

Emily sighed.

There was no point arguing with Mia. Her best friend knew her too well.

After a few seconds of silence, Emily finally whispered, “I like him. At least I think I do.”

Mia's smile disappeared.

She looked at Emily carefully.

“How long?”

Emily stared at the ground.

“I don't even know anymore.”

“That long?”

Emily nodded.

“I think it started before I even realized what was happening.”

Mia rested her elbows on her knees.

“Then tell him.”

Emily immediately shook her head.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I can't.”

“You can.”

“What if he doesn't feel the same way?”

Mia shrugged gently.

“Then at least you'll know.”

Emily looked across the courtyard again.

Ethan had stopped playing for a moment. He was talking to Ryan, laughing about something.

“I can't risk losing him,” she said quietly.

Mia's expression softened.

“You are afraid that telling him will ruin what you already have.”

Emily nodded.

“He is my best friend. He's the person I talk to when I'm happy, when I'm upset, when I have a problem. I don't want everything between us to become awkward.”

Mia reached for her hand.

“But Emily, you're already hurting because you're hiding.”

Emily swallowed hard.

She knew Mia was right.

Every time Ethan talked about another girl, something inside her broke a little.

Every time he hugged her, she had to remind herself that the hug meant friendship to him.

Every time he called her his best friend, she smiled even though a small part of her wished he would call her something more.

Emily looked toward him once again.

Almost as if he could feel her watching, Ethan suddenly turned.

Their eyes met.

For a second, Emily froze.

Then Ethan smiled and waved.

Emily's entire face lit up.

She waved back.

The moment he turned away, Mia sighed dramatically.

“You are completely gone.”

Emily laughed softly.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

Emily looked down at her hands.

“Maybe I'm just hoping.”

Mia squeezed her fingers.

“Then be brave.”

Emily smiled sadly.

“Maybe one day.”

She had no idea how much those words would come to mean.

She did not know that one day Ethan would finally look at her differently.

She did not know that before that happened, her heart would have to endure jealousy, disappointment and heartbreak.

For now, all she knew was that she loved him.

And she was willing to keep the secret.

At least for a little while longer.

The following Friday afternoon, Emily was walking out of the science laboratory when she heard Ethan call her name.

“Emily!”

She turned.

Ethan was walking toward her with an unusually serious expression.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I need your advice.”

Emily smiled.

“You always need my advice.”

“Because you're good at this.”

“At what?”

“Things like this.”

He stopped in front of her.

Emily noticed that he seemed nervous.

“What happened?”

Ethan looked down the hallway before speaking.

“I like someone.”

The smile disappeared from Emily's face.

She felt her heart suddenly beat faster.

She forced herself to remain calm.

“Who?”

Ethan hesitated for a moment.

Then he said, “Sophie.”

Emily felt as though the hallway had suddenly become too quiet.

Sophie.

The name echoed in her mind.

Sophie was beautiful, confident and popular. She was the kind of girl who seemed comfortable wherever she went. Emily had never considered herself her competition because, until that moment, she had never believed Ethan was interested in her.

She forced a smile.

“Oh.”

Ethan watched her.

“You know her, right?”

“Of course.”

“She is nice.”

Emily nodded.

“She is.”

“I've been thinking about asking her out.”

Emily's chest tightened.

She wanted to tell him not to.

She wanted to ask him why he had chosen Sophie when she had been beside him all this time.

She wanted to tell him that she loved him.

But instead, she smiled.

“You should ask her.”

Ethan's face brightened.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You think she'll say yes?”

Emily forced herself to laugh.

“Why wouldn't she?”

Ethan smiled.

“I knew I could count on you.”

Those words hurt more than he could ever have imagined.

Because Ethan trusted Emily enough to ask her for advice about another girl, while having no idea that the girl he was talking to was secretly in love with him.

“Thanks,” he said.

“No problem.”

Ethan gave her a quick smile before walking away.

Emily stood there long after he had disappeared around the corner.

Her smile slowly faded.

She looked down at the books in her arms.

For months, she had told herself that perhaps one day Ethan would notice her.

Perhaps one day he would realize that she was not just his best friend.

Perhaps one day he would see the girl who had always been standing beside him.

But now she understood something painful.

Waiting did not mean something would eventually happen.

Sometimes, you could wait for someone forever and they would still be looking in another direction.

Emily walked to an empty classroom and sat alone.

She placed her books on the desk and stared through the window.

A few minutes later, Mia entered.

She immediately noticed something was wrong.

“Emily?”

Emily did not answer.

Mia walked closer.

“What happened?”

Emily tried to smile.

“Nothing.”

Mia knew better.

“You look like somebody just broke your heart.”

Emily laughed weakly.

“He likes Sophie.”

Mia stopped.

“Oh.”

Emily nodded.

“He wants to ask her out.”

Mia sat beside her.

“I'm sorry.”

Emily looked down.

“I knew this would happen eventually.”

“You knew?”

“I knew there was always a chance.”

Mia was quiet.

Emily wiped her eyes before the tears could fall.

“I just didn't think it would hurt this much.”

Mia moved closer.

“You don't have to pretend with me.”

“I know.”

“Then don't.”

Emily finally allowed the tears to fall.

“I've spent so much time hoping he would notice me.”

Mia listened.

“I thought maybe if I stayed close enough, he would eventually understand.”

“You don't have to earn someone's love by staying close.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Emily looked at her.

Mia continued gently.

“You've been giving Ethan pieces of your heart without ever telling him what they mean. He can't respond to something he doesn't know exists.”

Emily wiped her cheeks.

“But what am I supposed to do now?”

“That's up to you.”

Emily looked toward the window.

For the first time, she realized that she could not continue living in the same way.

Every day she watched Ethan.

Every day she hoped.

Every day she waited for a sign that might never come.

And now Ethan was interested in someone else.

She could either continue waiting and allow herself to be hurt over and over again, or she could finally try to move forward.

“I think I need to move on,” Emily whispered.

Mia looked at her.

“Are you sure?”

Emily nodded slowly.

“I have to be.”

“Even though you still love him?”

Emily's eyes filled with tears again.

“That is the problem.”

She took a deep breath.

“I can't keep loving someone who doesn't even know I'm waiting.”

Mia reached for her hand.

“You deserve someone who sees you.”

Emily gave her a small smile.

“Maybe.”

There was a long silence between them.

Then Emily stood.

She picked up her books and wiped away the last of her tears.

That evening, as she walked home, Emily made a decision that would change everything.

She would stop waiting for Ethan.

She would stop searching his face for signs that were never there.

She would stop allowing her entire happiness to depend on whether he noticed her.

If another boy gave her a chance to be seen, perhaps she would allow herself to see him too.

Perhaps she would give another boy the opportunity to know the girl Ethan had always overlooked.

Emily did not know who that boy would be.

She did not know that her decision would soon bring someone unexpected into her life.

And she certainly did not know that Ethan's feelings would eventually change.

For now, Emily only knew one thing.

She was tired of being the girl who loved quietly.