High School Crushes

Emily Carter sat beneath the old mango tree behind Westbridge High School, her schoolbag resting beside her and her English textbook open across her lap. The tree had stood behind the school for as long as anyone could remember. Its branches stretched widely over the small patch of grass, providing shade for students who wanted somewhere quiet to eat lunch, study or simply escape the noise of the school grounds. For Emily, the tree had become special for another reason. It was where she and Ethan Bennett spent most of their free periods together. That afternoon, the school grounds were filled with the usual sounds of students talking, laughing and running between classes. Somewhere in the distance, a football bounced against a wall. Teachers could be heard calling students back to their classrooms. Emily barely noticed any of it. She was trying to concentrate on her English textbook. Trying. Because Ethan was sitting beside her, and Ethan had never been particularly good at allowing her to concentrate. He leaned toward her lunchbox and quickly grabbed another piece of chicken. Emily's eyes widened. “Ethan!” He immediately put the chicken into his mouth. “That was my chicken.” He smiled innocently. “You weren't eating it.” “I was saving it.” “For what?” “For myself.” Ethan laughed. Emily tried to look angry, but she couldn't keep the expression for long. Whenever Ethan laughed like that, it became almost impossible for her to stay annoyed with him. “You are unbelievable,” she said. “You say that every day.” “Because you do something unbelievable every day.” “Then I must be consistent.” Emily shook her head. “You're lucky you're my friend.” Ethan smiled. “I'm more than lucky. I'm your best friend.” Emily looked at him for a moment. Her smile remained, but something inside her tightened. Best friend. Those two words had become both precious and painful to her. She had heard Ethan say them countless times. She had smiled every time. She had pretended that the words were enough. But they weren't. Not anymore. Emily had been Ethan's best friend for years. They had grown up together, attended the same school and shared almost everything. They had memories that went back so far that Emily sometimes struggled to remember a time when Ethan had not been part of her life. They had studied together. They had argued over the smallest things. They had laughed until their stomachs hurt. They had shared secrets. They had defended one another. They had celebrated each other's victories. And whenever life became difficult, they found their way back to each other. Somewhere along the way, however, Emily's feelings had changed. What had started as friendship had quietly become something deeper. She had fallen in love with him. At first, she had tried to ignore it. She told herself it was only admiration. Then she told herself it was just because they were close. Eventually, she stopped trying to give her feelings another name. She knew the truth. She was hopelessly in love with Ethan Bennett. The worst part was that Ethan had no idea. To Ethan, Emily was simply Emily. The girl who was always there. The girl who reminded him about homework. The girl who listened when he had problems. The girl who encouraged him when he doubted himself. The girl who knew when he was upset even when he insisted he was fine. His best friend. Nothing more. “Come on,” Ethan said suddenly, reaching over and closing her textbook. Emily stared at him. “Why did you do that?” “We have chemistry next.” “I know.” “So get up.” “I was reading.” “You've been reading the same page for ten minutes.” Emily frowned. “I was thinking.” “About chemistry?” She hesitated. “Yes.” Ethan laughed. “You are a terrible liar.” Emily stood and packed her books. “You're the reason I can't study.” “Me?” “Yes, you.” “How?” “You talk too much.” “I only talk because you listen.” “That doesn't even make sense.” “It makes perfect sense to me.” Emily smiled despite herself. They began walking back toward the main school building. As they walked, Ethan casually placed an arm around her shoulder. “You're my best friend, Emily.” She looked up at him and smiled. “I know.” The words she wanted to say remained trapped inside her. I wish I could be more than that. She swallowed the words and kept walking. She had become very good at hiding her feelings. Perhaps too good. Every morning, she reminded herself that Ethan did not know. Every afternoon, she reminded herself that he was not responsible for feelings he had never asked her to have. Every night, she promised herself that she would stop hoping. And every morning, she found herself hoping again. That was the problem with loving Ethan. No matter how many times her heart was disappointed, it always found another reason to believe that maybe things could change. Maybe one day he would look at her differently. Maybe one day he would realize that the girl standing beside him was the girl who had always loved him. Maybe one day she would hear him say something other than best friend. But for now, she had to be content with being the girl beside him. The girl he trusted. The girl he depended on. The girl he had never truly noticed. The following morning, Emily arrived at school earlier than usual. She walked into the classroom and immediately noticed Ethan sitting alone at his desk. His mathematics book was open in front of him, but he wasn't reading. He was staring at the page as if it had personally offended him. Emily placed her bag beside her chair. “What happened?” Ethan dropped his pen. “I failed.” Emily laughed softly. “You haven't even received the result.” “I know myself.” “You said that yesterday.” “Because I know myself very well.” Emily pulled out the chair beside him. “Then know this too.” Ethan looked at her. “You are not allowed to give up before you even know the result.” He stared at her for a few seconds before smiling. “You always know what to say.” “That's because somebody has to keep you sensible.” “I'm already sensible.” Emily raised an eyebrow. “You once came to school wearing two different socks.” Ethan immediately looked down. His socks were indeed different. “That was fashion.” “That was laziness.” “It was a fashion choice.” “It was an accident.” “You don't understand style.” Emily laughed. Their laughter attracted the attention of a few classmates, but neither of them cared. For a moment, everything felt normal. Everything felt easy. Then Ethan's smile slowly faded. “My parents argued last night,” he said. Emily's expression changed immediately. “Are you okay?” He shrugged. “I don't know.” “What happened?” “I don't want to talk about it.” Emily nodded. “Okay.” She didn't pressure him. She knew Ethan well enough to understand that sometimes he needed someone to listen without forcing him to speak. So she simply remained beside him. After a few moments, Ethan looked at her. “You're not going to ask again?” “No.” “Why?” “Because you said you don't want to talk about it.” He looked surprised. “You're the only person who actually listens when I say things like that.” Emily smiled. “That's what friends are for.” Ethan leaned back in his chair. “I don't know what I'd do without you.” Emily's heart skipped. For a second, she allowed herself to imagine what those words could mean. Then Ethan smiled. “That's why you're my best friend.” The moment passed. Emily looked down at her hands. She had become accustomed to moments like that. Moments when Ethan unknowingly gave her hope and then took it away without even realizing it. She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him that she was tired of pretending. She wanted to tell him that she noticed every little thing about him. She wanted to tell him that his happiness mattered to her more than she knew how to explain. She wanted to tell him that whenever he was sad, she wished she could take his pain away. Most of all, she wanted him to understand that her feelings were not just those of a best friend. But fear held her back. What if he didn't feel the same? What if he laughed? What if he became uncomfortable around her? What if he started avoiding her? What if telling him the truth destroyed the friendship they had spent years building? The possibility of losing Ethan frightened her more than the pain of keeping her feelings secret. So she smiled. “You're lucky to have me.” Ethan grinned. “I know.” “You should appreciate me more.” “I do.” “No, you don't.” “I do.” “Then stop stealing my food.” Ethan laughed. “I can't promise that.” Emily shook her head. “Of course you can't.” The bell rang, announcing the beginning of the next class. Students hurried into the classroom. Ethan stood and picked up his books. “Come on.” Emily followed him. As they walked toward their seats, Ethan glanced back at her. “You're coming to the football match tomorrow, right?” “Of course.” “You always come.” “Because I support you.” Ethan smiled. “I knew I could count on you.” Emily smiled back. He had no idea how much those simple words meant to her. She would always be there. She had convinced herself of that. Even if Ethan never loved her. Even if he never saw her as anything more than his best friend. Even if one day another girl came into his life and took the place Emily secretly wished belonged to her. She would still be there. At least, that was what she told herself. But deep inside, Emily's heart was beginning to understand something her mind was refusing to accept. There was a difference between being needed and being loved. Ethan needed her. He trusted her. He depended on her. But did he love her? That was the question she was too afraid to ask. And as Emily walked into the classroom beside him, she had no idea that the answer would eventually change both of their lives. For now, however, Ethan only saw the girl beside him. His best friend. His confidante. His constant. The girl who was always there. He simply had not realized that the girl beside him was also the girl who loved him most.