Leon Monzato's Obsession (Monzato Brothers 2)

Chapter Seven

[ this chapter contains self harm, if you are sensitive about this kind of scenario, skip. read at your own risk. ]

Bella

After the encounter with Sir Leon, I tried to shrug it off and continue doing my work. I hate everything in this day. I hate that I got confident that he didn't notice. I'm so stupid. Worthless stupid brat. 

I am fully aware that I offended him in any way earlier when I technically shut him down when I told him that whatever it is, it's not his business whatsoever. Which is practically true. I avoided myself from crying while cleaning the last bedroom in this floor. Everything from what my father did to me came back. It flows down on my memory like an avalanche and I felt the ticks of anxiety coming in. 

My chest is raising and my hand is trembling as I mop the bathroom of this room. I hold down to the edge of the counter top and took a deep breaths multiple times, convincing myself that this is not the right time to have a panic attacks. I felt the tears streaming down my face. 

When I'm finally done cleaning, I decided to lock the door, I bowed my head and started walking. I bumped to Sir Leon and he held my shoulders. 

"Hey. Bella I would-" 

"Sorry, leave me alone, Sir." I cut him off and put his hands off me. I left him there while I hurried myself downstairs. 

As soon as I unlock my room, I let myself broke down and cry. 

"You're worthless! You know nothing in this world! You should die!" 

"Idiot."

"Stupid brat. No wonder your mother left you here with me because you're weak and worthless. You have no use to me." 

I remember all the yelling and the harsh words. I remember all the beatings I used to get. The slaps, the punches and the objects he either threw at me or hit me with it aggressively. 

My lips and whole body were trembling, my face is soaking wet from the flood of tears and my chest felt heavy. I tried to hug myself, hoping I would calm down any minute now. I tried to erase the memories of abuse- physically and emotionally and mentally. I'm so f****d up. 

After fifteen minutes, I started to calm down. I took another deep breathes before heading to the bathroom. I reached under my floating counter top to get the blade. A sad smile formed in my lips. I had the reason to do this now because I don't wanna feel the pain came from my father. The only pain I want right now is from this sharp blade in my hand. I heard a knock on the door but I was too preoccupied my own deadly thoughts. 

I walked inside the shower and I started to remove my uniform, especially my clothes covering my thighs and I started cutting myself. I didn't flinch when I saw the blood dripping from my freshly cut thigh. Maybe because I've been doing this for years, making my thighs get used to the sting pain made by the sharp blade or, is it only because I do have this knowledge came from my father that I should hurt myself just like how he hurt me because I deserve this from being this stupid. 

I let Sir. Leon to notice my flinching, I should punish myself, how my father punished me because I'm stupid, worthless brat. Another flood of tears started to flow down on my face again as I continue cutting myself, I remained unbothered by the blood and I don't feel pain either. 

When I got satisfied with the cut, I decided to stop and start cleaning the wound. I turned on the shower and the water instantly got stained by my own blood. I started cleaning my own wound and put some Betadine on it and I covered it with a bandage. 

I heard my phone rang. 

"Bella? Are you there? Come out and let's eat. You didn't answer your door so I decided to call you." It was Milan. I looked at the mirror and I saw my eyes is red and swollen. I can't go out looking like this. 

"I'm okay, Millie. I'm not hungry and I don't feel well too. Thank you for inviting me." I said politely, sitting down on my bed.

"Are you sure? Do you need medicine, I could ask Sonia for some."

"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna take a rest, you go ahead and eat." I said again.

"Okay. Get well soon.''

"Thanks." I dropped the call and I flopped down my to my bed, staring at the ceiling. Hopeless and with deadly thoughts. 

Helios told me to talk to someone because it helps but how could I talk to them if they will not understand me? I know but I am not the only one who's experiencing this but every people are different. Same experience but different person. No one can understand what I've been through. I've been tough for so many years, i do not need anyone's help because they know nothing. 

I can fix myself, I believe. I've been fighting for so long, I can handle this. 

I close my eyes to take a rest. Hoping that after what happened earlier between me and my boos, he will now learn how to leave me alone and stick his nose out of my business. 

I took a deep breathe before letting the darkness to bring me to deep sleep. 

==

When I open my eyes, it's already near evening. I heard a loud knock on the door, so I get up to open it up and there, I saw Isaac standing in front of me with a huge smile on his lips. I tired to smile back weakly. 

"Mama asked me to get you to eat dinner. Sir Leon will go home late so he instruct Mama to help ourselves and get some sleep." He started before he took his time staring at me. "Are you okay, Bella? You look flushed." 

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just gonna put my hair into bun before I go to the kitchen. Thank you for getting me." 

"Are you sure? You can talk to me anytime." He smiled but I shook my head. There's no big deal of talking I know but nothing's gonna change and he won't understand, talking is no use. "I'm good thank you." 

After I fixed my hair, I stepped out of my room. I saw Isaac leaning on the side of my door, waiting for me. I tapped his shoulder and I gave him a smile. 

"Let's go?" I tried to be cheerful once again. He nodded his head before he walked, leading the way to the massive kitchen. I shrug off all thoughts from what happened to earlier and decided to go back to my usual self. I will not let them notice my flinching. Not this time. 

We entered the kitchen and I saw the staffs already eating their hearts out. This is the good thing about Sir. Leon, he let us enjoy the food the other maids bought from the grocery. He treats us like his equal, not some kind of filthy servants. 

"Hey, there. Seat beside me, Bella!" Millie invited me. 

I started eating quietly as they share some stories of their day or anything that can share to us. The kitchen was filled with happy conversations and little laughter. 

"So, let's talk about Bella. I noticed the guy who always drives you here every week." Millie smirked playfully. "Who is he"

"Is that your boyfriend?" Pier asked with a smile on his face. 

I quickly shook my head. "No! We're are just friends. He's Helios and he is just giving me some favour is all." I defended myself. 

"Someone's defensive." Aurora chuckled so I rolled my eyes jokingly. 

"I'm not!" 

"Then why did he kissed your forehead? I saw you guys one Monday morning. The pretty boy kissed your forehead goodbye." Sonia were smirking too while Isaac and the others are chuckling over me. I felt my cheeks burned because I don't know if that's a big deal or not.

"Just a friendly kiss?" I asked, confusion is all over my tone. I know that forehead kiss means nothing to Helios. He's just being sweet and all, just like his mother. 

When they pushed the topic through, I kept quite. I don't what is the big deal of that forehead kiss. Does friends don't do that kind of thing? Helios only see me as his sister. that's all. All that forehead kisses is just an assurance from him that I am safe, why are they putting some meaning to that? 

I continue eating without engaging to their conversation and I smile occasionally when the teasing is now about me and Helios, again. I don't need to explain and please them about our relationship, if they don't believe me that we are only friends, that's on them. I'm here to work not to feed their curious cats. 

After dinner, I made my way to my room, still not saying a word. I smiled at them when they bid their good night to me. I took a deep breathe as I lock my bedroom door. I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and to clean my cut wounds again so I won't get infected. 

When I made sure that everyone is awake, I went to the kitchen to drink some water. The whole mansion is quite now. Relaxing actually. There's a little dim light opened at the kitchen so, whoever comes here at night, getting a drink they won't stumble to anything, the kitchen is massive after all. 

I pour myself a glass of water and I let myself to get drown on my own thoughts once again. I do this kind

of thinking all the time, before. I sighed. Here I am again, not feeling sad, not feeling happy. I'm just existing, waiting for myself to vanish and never be seen again. 

"Hi." I jumped when i heard a voice coming from the entrance of the kitchen. I looked up and I saw Sir Leon, standing there wearing his adorable Olaf pyjama and his white muscle tee. His face is serious and he looks angry. 

I instantly felt guilty and embarrassed when I remember what I told him earlier. I disrespected him and told him to leave me alone. 

I look into his eyes, a couple of seconds staring, he immediately smile at me. 

"I'm sorry." I said whispered but enough for him to hear it. His right brow lifted, he crossed his arms as he walked to me slowly. 

"The apologize should be louder than the disrespect, Bella. You should know that." 

I swallowed hard. He is right. Why would I get shy from asking for his forgiveness? When I am the one nearly shout at him and told him to leave me alone when he don't have any responsibility to obey what I said. 

I looked at him straight in the eyes before speaking "Sorry for what I did earlier, Sir Leon." I said, in a higher and clearer voice. He smiled at me playfully and he took a sit beside me. He put his arms on top of the counter and looked at me. 

"Go, make me a cup of coffee and comeback here beside me." 

I stood up to do what he wants. I can feel his stare on my back but I kept it cool. Maybe be he's just observing me and all. This is his house and he is allowed to do what he wants. When I'm done, I put the cup of coffee in front of him and took my sit again. I sat down, waiting for him to say something because the silence is making me uncomfortable. 

"Apology accepted." He started. "I shouldn't ask those kind of personal question to you. I'm sorry." 

I look at him in shock. Is he really saying sorry about his questions earlier? Is he for real? 

"What?"

"I know, whatever is behind on that frequent jumping and flinching is personal and I suck for asking you. I don't wanna invade your privacy." He look into my eyes, sincerity is visible in his honey eyes. 

"You don't have to apologize, Sir. I disrespected you, that's big deal and I'm sorry."

"Still. I just... I just want you to be comfortable around me because I mean no harm, you know?" He looked away. 

I left out a smile, "I know you mean no harm. You're the best employee. The benefits that you were giving to your staff is beyond kind. You don't treat us some poor rat that need to service you."

"But you need to serve me. My mother would kick my ass if I ever disrespect any of my staff or anybody below me. What's the purpose of being a pompous rich bastard when we are all gonna die? There's no money in hell, Bella." He sighed before taking a sip of his coffee. "Besides, people endure a lot of fights and pains in secret. Not all us have a good life to live, being and kind is all we can do." 

He is right. He doesn't know what I've been through. He asked me because he saw something is not right with me. He is just being nice and all. Now, I am more guilty. 

"I'm your friend you know?" 

"I don't have a lot of friends." I informed him. 

"Why?"

"I was bullied because I was too skinny and my classmates accused me on sleeping and flirting with one of our teachers to pass the exam when in reality I'm just good in our algebra class." i opened up. This is the least thing I could do to lessen the guilty feeling that's been attacking my system. 

"This beauty that people are saying caused me to get bullied back in secondary school. Sometimes, I want to be ugly, when that happened, maybe I can get a lot of friends. The only friend I have is Helios." 

Sir Leon's jaw clenched after hearing what I said. His grip on the mug tightened. 

"You get bullied because you are damn beautiful?" His voice is low and dangerous. I left out a small smile while nodding repeatedly. "Yes. But Helios said they are just jealous because I'm effortlessly beautiful."

"Who are the fuckers who bullied you?" 

"Why? I don't remember them anymore. But most of them are little girls like me. Why'd you ask?"

"I will assassinate them." 

I left out a small chuckle because I think that's just ridiculous. 

"How dare them to bully a beautiful doll like you?" 

I don't know what to say. I don't know either because inside of school or not, bullies are everywhere. The reason is always, because they have a rough childhood but that's not a qualified reason to be an asshole. 

"Did you get bullied too?" i asked carefully. Sir Leon grimaced and he blushed from shyness. "I take that as a  no." 

"Well, me and my brother is always the starter of the chaos back in secondary school. We used to get in trouble and our dad will scold our asses because for him, Monzatos don't act like a hungry animals. But what life without a little fire and excitement, you know?" He said while chuckling. 

I see he is cheerful and adventurous type of guy. I bet he had a good teenage life before he went to adulting, before he became this successful. His side feature is bright while he is chuckling. He's incredibly handsome in any ways he does. Effortlessly good looking and old. 

I finished the glass of water in front of me to distract myself from being hooked on how beautiful my boss is. I shouldn't fantasize his beauty and I should stop butterflies inside my stomach that went crazy whenever Sir Leon is looking and smiling at me. 

'I should go back to sleep, Sir." I started. He looked at me one more time before he nodded his head. 

"As you should. But remember, I am your friend too. Good night, Bella."