Blind-view

There I stood as my feet soaked in a man’s blood, A million thoughts ran through my mind, my whole body in shock watching life leave a man’s body, “ Oh no, what have I done?” were the words that kept coming out of my mouth, “what have I done?” “How did I get here?” but at that moment there was no answer to these stupid questions. All I could think about were the repercussions of my stupid act or the number of people who trusted me that I had failed. At that moment, deep down in my heart, I knew there was no coming back or redemption for this act. No one can save me now, no one is coming to save me. This is the beginning of my end. Then again in my mind, “maybe I’m right, just maybe he deserved this.” I hate him for pushing me this far to desire to end his life. In some parts of my heart, I felt like a protector. Yes, I conquered him. Men like him are weak, they deserve to be buried beneath the cold earth and get eaten by the earth. At that moment, I was facing a dilemma. A part of me felt scared, sad, and confused, then another part of me felt like a victorious warrior, a protector who had just won his second war. Yes, my second war because I have been here before. In this same situation, though, I was much younger and I made a different choice then. I turned a blind eye to someone else's pain but there was nothing I could do because I was only eight years old. As I stared down at his body, he stopped struggling, blood spilled all over the white-floored tiles, his eyes still open but turned pale, this is the first dead body I have ever gotten this close to and I killed this one. Yes, I’m guilty, I’m guilty, my judge, I’m guilty, I feel I’m losing my mind. No, I have lost my mind. I can’t hold back these tears anymore. Tears are dripping down my eyes but I must keep calm. How can one keep calm in this situation? I’m a murderer. What will the police do to me? 15 minutes after the murder I ran outside of the house, it was dark, rainy with thunderstorms, the earth itself was bleeding rain, and the earth rumbled with a loud sound. I wanted the earth to calm the fire in my body. Maybe it knows my crime, it’s here to punish me. Forgive me, Forgive me please, I didn’t mean for all this to happen. Maybe, just maybe, the rain can wash this blood. Maybe the rain can wash me clean of my crime, or maybe it’s a dream. Yes, a bloody nightmare, I can wake up from this, right? Can I? Why is the earth silent? Is there anyone out there? Can you help me, please? Can you? Why are you silent too? 20 minutes after the murder My hands and body shivered due to the insane cold and heavy rain, then it dawned on me again that I had a dead-40-year-old man waiting for me, waiting for me to come to answer my crime. I rushed back into the house. Oh no, this doesn’t seem like a bloody nightmare, the body still lies cold-dead in his living room. Now I start thinking, the deed is done, I can’t turn back time. No one can turn back time. Can I get away with murder? Shut up Uyi, this ain’t a movie, this is my life, this ain’t fiction. My education, my dreams, and my ambitions will all get flushed down tonight. 30 minutes after the murder A heavy wind swept through the night; the wind spread the rain, and the body of the dead man became visibly pale. Looking at him, it is obvious he weighs above 200 pounds, he should be at least 6ft tall, with a bald head that holds all his knowledge. Yes, I can describe him because I know this man lying dead here and maybe that’s why I can judge him. I once cared for him as much as he cared for me too, but how fast life can turn us against one another. A friend into a foe, a smile into a jest, a hug into a betrayal. My mind continues to play games with me as I have ideas on how to get rid of this body. Maybe I can burn it, or maybe I can bury it, or maybe I can just run away. What’s the best idea to get away with murder? 35 minutes after the murder A once healthy man whom I personally admire will no longer exist on this earth, we won’t be going to the mall together anymore, and he won’t be able to share fun stories of his days at the university with me anymore, because his mouth is permanently shut; neither, will he be able to teach me how to be a better man. I guess everything changed when he changed himself. A few months ago, I couldn’t wait to get back home to spend time with him to hear all he has to say about how the educational system has changed, about how the government gives little to no funding to the educational system. Did he deserve to get killed by my own hands? I do not know, but what I do know is that maybe I was right to end his life on this cold night. His death was supposed to happen by my own hands. As I sat on this spot thinking about my life, and the consequences of my action, then I heard a voice from a distance. Who is here? Who is here with me? I thought I was alone. I should be alone at that moment. A cold hand touched my hand, still shivering, but my eyes were covered with tears to see who this person actually was. Did he rise back from the dead? What’s happening here? Then all I could hear was the voice saying ‘You must put yourself together right now." My name is Uyi, this is my story. I don’t know how I got here, and I don’t know what’s happening right now, because I really can’t put proper thought together now. How did I get here?