I can fight too

Chapter 9

well, as I hear Benz muttering "come on in guys" I start panicking because if I am to guess by the number of voices I hear and their heavy footsteps, I know that there are at least four or five of them.

Seems like I should take my leave then. As I stand up and collect my phone from the dining table, I hear Mia calling out my name; "Hey Carrie, we know that you are here, where..... whe...where are you?" 

Too much for sneaking out quietly! I take a sigh and head towards the Tv room when I heard some boy probably Alex,(I am not so sure) asking about the whereabouts of Benz's parents. 

"They went to have dinner with their new clients." Benz reply but I can definitely hear the discomfort in his voice. I mean this must be the first time having more than four/five friends at his house; drunk.

"Hmmm... I ....." before the speaker could say anything, I hear Mia calling out my name as she sees me heading their way.

By the look on her face, I think she had a little too much to drink.

"    Hello," I murmur as I try my best to not sound anxious. I mean I haven't even met with these people. I saw them on the school campus but they are super popular in our school and they hardly look our way. I am perfectly fine with it though. But what I am not fine with is the way Evelyn is looking at me. She is looking at me like she knows something that I don't. I just get the feeling that this evening won't end well.

"come here Carrie, they won't bite I promise" Mia coos as she extends her hand. I walk towards her hesitantly as I feel all the eyes my way.

"Hey everyone, this is Carrie, Benjamin's best friend"

Everyone is smiling and nodding their head and what's odd is that Evelyn, Alex, Brandon(Evelyn's boyfriend whom I forgot to mention) are having the look on their face that's making me feel uncomfortable.

I can feel Alex's eyes roaming through my body as if he is trying to confirm something that he knows.

"Carrie, this is Evelyn, Brandon; her boyfriend, Alex, Tom, and Finn"  

I pretend to look at them as Mia introduced them to me but in actuality, I am just looking through them; if you know what I mean. I have seen them playing football for our school and I know enough to stay away from these people because they love belittling others who are not their equal.

Before something bad happens, I think I should leave "umm... it's nice meeting you guys but I got to go. My mom texted me earlier reminding me to be there for dinner" I lied because that's the first thing that came to my mind. I think that's because I have always wished for my mother to cook dinner for me and to talk about everything and anything as we laugh and enjoy our dinner.

I hear Evelyn scoffing as she takes her seat beside the couch.

"Oh please Carrie, do you think that we are fools? we know that your mother hardly has any time for you and we also know that you have social phobia, so you are trying to escape"

well, now I am surprised. I am sure that we have never been friends and Evelyn seems to know about my mother issues as well. This brings me to just one person; Benz. He must have blurted it out to Mia and Mia must have shared it with Evelyn since they are friends. But the question still remains; WHY?

I look at Benz, who has been silent the whole time with questioning eyes but he just shrug and mutter a "sorry" as he rubs the back of his neck. I know that people do a lot of things in their lives to make someone they like, like them back but then I didn't know that he would come to such a place where he exposes me in front of Mia; without my consent, because THIS IS MY LIFE AND NO ONE GET TO SHARE MY STORIES!!

"Mia, did you..." before I ask further, I hear Alex cutting me out with yet another blow.

"hey, now it rings a bell. This must be the Carrie who has a dream of becoming a lawyer but was shamelessly insulted by her own uncle in one of his parties. Well, Carrie, we trust you. We know that you can be a lawyer. I mean you have the sharpest memory ever!"  he smirks as he speaks out the last words and I didn't miss the insult he was throwing my way. If anything, most of my classmates know how bad my memory is.

"Alex! How dare you say that?" Mia scolds him and I feel my heart skip a bit because she is taking my back. Mia is supporting me.

I look at her with a smile but I am mistaken because I know what her looks means. I have seen that look on people's faces more than a millionth times and there is no way that I am wrong about it.

she is biting her lips and trying to cover up her smile but her eyes say a different thing. Her brown eyes are glinting with pity, sarcasm, and satisfaction.

seems like her true self is showing up after whatever she drank. No wonder she was so perfect. It was all an act! But I have had enough, I have to stand up for myself.

"yes... what was your name again?" I pretend to remember his name as I look at him with a questioning look

and did I hear some chuckles from Tom and Finn? 

"Alex" He answers through his greeted teeth. Good because I want him to feel the pain I am feeling right now.

"oh sorry, seems like your "memory remark" for me is proved wrong. Anyway, Alex, yes it's true that my uncle didn't approve of my dream but it's not him who will be leading my life. It's me and I have the right to choose what I want. What's the use of trying to impress others, getting approval from others if you lose your own identity on the way. what I feel is, nobody, I mean no one would ever be able to get back their true self if it is lost because you would be already on the other end of the bridge and when you look back, all you will see is an endless river and no bridge. you cannot swim either because you will fear alligators and crocodiles. You cannot fly back because you fear what's on the other side of the river. The chance of finding oneself back is very minimal and I just don't want to struggle mush so I am trying to skip the trouble." I look at every one of the eye to eye; Evelyn, Benz, Mia, and Alex because they are the cause of suffering and I want them to reflect back on what they are doing in the name of impressing others.

well almost everyone here is trying to impress someone and I know that Alex is treated like a slave by Brandon because he wanted to be included in the football team as well. The reason? well simple, Because he wanted to be perceived as"cool", he wanted attention from girls. such a stupid reason I see.

I smile at Benz and I know that he got the message because he seemed pained as well. Whatever all I feel right now is frustration and I am not going to forgive Benz for sharing my stories with Mia. I just can't.

"ha... nice speech Carrie, you should apply it in your life and see how it's going. Maybe then, you will get some boys liking you" Evelyn snaps at me from behind and this is really getting out of hand but I think Benz here won't be able to help me either because if he shouts at any of them, he would lose Mia and he would be out of Football team. 

People do change easily.so I have to put them in their own place.

"well, at least I don't have to go through the pain of trying to be perfect in everything and dying the hair every now and then to make sure that her boyfriend doesn't find out. Why? Because Her boyfriend prefers blonds and if he finds out that her actual hair color is Green, she fears that he will leave her" I can't believe that I am handling it so well. Must be the anger that's holding me in place but for how long I am not so sure.

"I would love to spend time with you all but I see that you are all so busy trying to act cool and perfect. I don't want to be a distraction here. Goodnight everyone" 

I wave at them as I see Evelyn fuming with anger and tears brimming her eyes, Brandon who is now looking at Evelyn confused, Mia who is also fuming with anger and clenching her fist, Benz, who is now looking at the floor deep in thought(good for him!), Alex who is now smirking at Evelyn and lastly Tom and Finn, who are trying their best to control themselves from laughing.

satisfaction and happiness sweep my heart as I walk towards my house. Thank god there is a street light here. I sprint towards my house as I try so hard to contain my smile. This must be the first time I have ever spoken back and this makes me really happy. I want to dance and jump but I know that it late and there might be creeps here and there so I run as fast as I can, still smiling like crazy.

after running for what felt like forever, I open the house and notice that my mom is not home yet. I would love to see her right now because I feel like I have won a world cup right now. I spoke back to the super popular and what else can top it off in high school?

This is the best day ever. I really have the feeling of showing it off to someone and since there are not many friends on my list, I scroll through my phone and call the only person who is my friend despite his arrogance.

"Carrie?" Ryan asks sounding confused.

"hey, I haven't seen you for the past few days, everything okay?" I ask 

"why? missed me?" there goes his arrogance again!

I roll my eyes as I smile at this response "actually yes I did miss you" I confess

"well that's new, I got to record this phrase, so can you say it one more time please?"  he will never change.

"haha... funny! But I called you to inform you that I did fight back today and I won. I feel really happy today...." and so I narrated him the story skipping few parts and modifying a bit (I don't want to share those tragic stories yet)

"so you do have a fight in you" he sounds proud and this makes me even more excited. I don't know why though.

"yeah I just use it when I need to" I sass back and I can hear him chuckling. well, his chuckle is something that I really envy; it makes me feel like it's sincere and reserved for a special person. I mean Ryan hardly has any friends in school and every time he gets, he goes to the library, and sometimes, he can be found playing chess with our teachers. I learned that he prefers to be alone and hates being in the crown just like me. 

"hello?"

did I space out again?

"Yeah, what was it again?" I ask

"Nothing important, I will see you tomorrow dear." well that odd... what did he say? he seems a bit disappointed as he wished me good night. 

But for now, I want to cherish my success and I don't want to overthink anything.