CHAPTER 1: TILL DEATH DO US PART
TILL DEATH DO US PART"Till death do us part", those were our declarative words pertaining to our relationship the first time I met my beloved Babra at Eshingalaba primary school in the year 1993. By that time, Babra was well known throughout the school and even beyond the school, due to her great performance and character as a humble girl. As they say in Kiswahili, “Kizuri chajiuza na kibaya chajitembeza”, her character clearly defined who she was.In the school, having joined in standard five, I was in standard seven by that time. At times, teachers could use her as an example on her performance and behaviors due to her good personal conduct. For the first time I set my eyes on her, she could not realize the main message which was portrayed by my eyes. Only that the best thing she could do is to look down on her toes and drew communicating patterns which I founded a hard time to interpret, little had I known, that the pattern was the answer to my few questions pertaining the commencement of our love. We schooled together for the period of two years, together we walked in the journey of love which had many mockery eyes that disguised its meaning from colleagues, since it was a mixture of encouraging and demoralizing for the continuation of our relationship. One day, this was a day I vowed never to forget in my life, when I faced a challenge over my beloved Babra in our school. There was a negotiation between I and one of the classmate whom we were negotiating with over her.
Unfortunately, no one of us could accept to have a win win type of negotiation. Some of the colleagues could act as the delegates in listening and trying to come with the exact solution but they could not manage since love is blind and it can strike over hot metal without forecasting the consequences. With me I had a driving force behind the negotiation.
All our dreams can come to true if we have courage to pursue them, and if the facts can’t fit the theory, then you have to change them. Remember, one has to build his or her own dream, or else someone will hire him to build theirs. This was the main reason as to why I could not listen to the colleagues who could sometimes gather on a big circle in the name of helping us to solve the issue. The only thing I could imagine during the negotiation is that, “Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today”. As they say, that struggling is the real meaning of life, victory and defeat are in the hands of God, so one must enjoy in struggling. Indeed, I struggled over the negotiation and finally the victory and rejoice were the end product of my struggle and therefore, I managed to have my beloved sweet Babra after a long day negotiation. In 1994, before I sat for my final exam of Kenya Certificate of Primary Education, I faced another challenge having wrote to one of my classmate a letter requesting for friendship with her. This was in secret without the insight of my beloved Babra knowing what was going on. I remember it was on a Saturday when we were requested to come for a Science lesson by Mr. King Kong, one of the teachers who could most of the time ensure that we pass each and every test we could tackle with flying colors. The very day is when I was caught up having wrote a letter and inserted in one of the books that was to be collected for marking.
I was called and forced to explain the main theme in the letter. I had no other reason to excuse myself other than to leave everything for the teacher to decide on what kind of punishment I was to face. As they say “Jambo usilolijua ni kama usiku wa giza.” I could not understand what could happen in the next minute, in awaiting for the judgment, since I was red-handed caught up in trouble. Indeed, “Ushikwapo, shikamana.” Suddenly, I could not believe my ears when I heard the teacher saying,Teacher: “Go back to class and never should you recur this again.”I: “Thank you so much teacher, I promise not to repeat this again.” I replied.From that incidence is when I came to realize that, “A bird in hand is worth two in the bush”, “Na mpanda farasi wawili, hupasuka msamba.”The day came when we were celebrating our days in primary school in preparation to seat for our KCPE, which was the last day to meet her by taking a snap to commemorate the day to me , the day was not splendid neither I had jovial moods. Simply because it was a mixture of sorrow and celebration.
This is because the same day of prayers is when I lost my care giver the late Madam Eshichinjwinjwi who was so dear to me with close assistance of my grandmother Flo. I felt like crying since she was a caring mother who most of the time could make me comfortable to a point not to think about my biological mother who was far away from the homestead. That day, I accompanied my aunt Makena who stepped in the shoes of my stepmother.
We travelled together to school to attend the prayers which we found going on. This is because she was held up by the family members for their arrangement the body preservation to the mortuary. Although the prayers were going on but I suffered amnesia, trying to think who else will take care of me in the absentia of my step mother. I knew my grandmother was ageing and so she could not be able to care. “You! Wake up now, it is time, people are going and prayers are over” said my aunt as she firmly and consistently shocked me.
By that time, I was asleep, not knowing when and who concluded the prayers. It was the time to eat after the prayers when I decided to leave my aunt inside while eating, Then I moved outside in search of my beloved Babra. The other colleagues were also out celebrating as they take some snaps. I decided likewise to have one snap with her together with my sister Mwash to mark the day symbolic. Though I was doing all this with the fear of my aunt, having insight into our relationship. I remember well, my height and that of Babra was not comparable since it was like that of identical twins, only the skin color could bring some difference and how I closely squeezed myself to her as they do lovers.
That way it portrayed the true relationship between I and her to those who had no idea. Though Babra and I, we had not earlier before hold each other as we did, and so we had fear of exposing ourselves to others, but as they say, “lisilobudi hubidi”, and so I convinced her to have snap shot, bearing in mind that, there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…and whoever develop fear in love, he or she has not been perfected in love.Four years later, I was in form three, when I met my beloved for the second time after having persevered loneliness during that period, with only ancient form of communication by writing a letter and sending to her via my sister Ebby and Mwash. By the help of my high school classmate Jossy, we moved to her sister's homestead, madam Ivy, at Songambele village.On seeing each other, that’s when I came to realize that indeed generalization and specification stages are aimed at giving time to the intending couple to scrutinize each other over long time, so as to have that deep understanding of they are and who they intend to be in future, since knowing each other is life-long process.
Out of joy and excitement, we hugged each other and exchanged few statements as they do lovers especially after missing each other for so long. While talking, I could secretly evaluate her physical appearance, which had changed and she had grown fattier than she was earlier. I could not show openly that I was so amazed for her healthy body, simply because I developed fear and I saw it as not a concern because I had not contributed even a single cent by that time for her own use. After a while, we departed from each other to our own destination but full of sorrows and fear of missing each other once more for unknown period. In my mind, I was only driven by these statements in vernacular, 'Efikulu shifiakananga tawe, lakini abandu bakananga." So I believed, yes we've separated physically but spiritually we are together and we shall meet once more. Having finished high school that was in the year 1998, I moved to Bwagamoyo town in search of job where I started "Juakali" type of work under building and construction (mjengo), for the period of eight months without any close communication with my beloved Babra.
Thereafter, I joined to an institution in Sandra town campus, where I had applied to take a course in Architecture, that was on 13th September 1999. From the nearby Sandra town, there was an estate well known as Makongeni. From that estate is where I happened to meet my beloved Babra for the third time, having gone for a visit to my aunt's house.In the house, we were seated comfortably with my aunt as she was doing an oral induction to me because that was my first time to pay a visit at her place, is when she suddenly said;Aunt: "Here we stay with many of our people from home area." Ooooooooooooh! Waaaaa! Wa! That's fine. Is there a sample of them whom I can be conversant with? I asked. Aunt: "Yes, of course they are many. May I call you one of them from this plot. Glady! Glady!" Glady: "Yes mum!"Aunt: "Come here. May you please call for me Babra from the next house. "This was the statement that left me in suspense, trying to digest where Babra was going to come in a couple of minute. After a while, I was unable to tell when I saw my beloved Babra from the door, since to me it was something miraculous to meet her unexpected. I felt hard time expressing my gratitude to her in the presence of my aunt. On my way back to school, I managed to talk to my cousin Glady and pleaded her to rush and pick for me a phone number from Babra to necessitate communication. By that time, she didn't have a phone and so she decided to give her sister's number Fennessy.
As somebody said, for love to be practical, one must ensure that the channels of communication are open and effective. I therefore managed to have contact for communication. From there is when communication becomes frequent. As Rev. Mark put it, that for true love to make it practical, one must create time to be together, as the real definition of love is T.I.M.E, bearing in mind that, a marriage without communication is like a person without blood. During very communication, one should bear in mind that words can build, heal or even kill your marriage. So one must use them wisely. One weekend, I decided to make her realize that my love to her is real and of more covenant by reconciling to her via a small mockery at a pre-wedding which took place in her sister's house. As Rev. Mark put it in his book entitled, “Marriage Glory”, that for lovers to enjoy in full their love journey, they must be in a position to create a culture of celebrating each other. Although love has challenges and many obstacles, one needs to overcome them in order to cement their relationship. Lovers need to call each other those sweet names that most of the time women feel so nice and owned when referred to using such names. As Mark state, lovers should not forget to go for outings since relationship and marriage is not born out of one big thing but it is made up of many small things which gives lovers a reason to rejoice, so I decided to a mockery wedding. With me I took my colleague by the name, Ngomongo, who was my closest friend. We went to her place having done a small shopping to mark the day off successful and enjoyable.
With me I had a cake and a ring, which was a symbol of my sincere love to her. I therefore requested her sister Fennessy to cut the cake into pieces. My in-law could not resist, and so she responded in respect as I had requested. Thereafter, we fed each other as they do the bride and bridegroom in the wedding ceremony, while exchanging some few statements which to me it was to make my dearest one to realize that my love to her was not for infatuation but simply to make her realize that my love was driven by the emotions and feelings towards her, which begun some years ago slowly but now it had grown to the climax as a result of we moving closer to each other. As quoted from the book of Bishop J.B Masinde entitled, “Retaining the honey after the honeymoon’, that love is a universal language in the world, so to me the I was trying to communicate my love through a mockery wedding. In the presence of her sister Fennessy, I purposefully made the following speech in remembrance of the day; "Dear Babra, in remembrance of our patient, kind, sincere, faithful and more trustworthy love, I have decided to make this day as it is in the presence of your sister, so as to reconcile to you the in depth of my love to you.
Having stayed with you in courtship by now six years, on this day of 4th Dec 1999, I'm much grateful to express my sincere gratitude to you, for your patient all this time in my absentia. In addition to that, I would like to testify to my in-law and my friend Ngomongo, that from the time I met you till now, we have neither quarreled nor rubbed each other’s shoulders. I have therefore, the better reason to say that I found a woman with all the required values for a successful marriage as I desired earlier before including what love entails as below qualities as Apostle Paul gives in detailed analysis of what love entails;“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; love is not arrogant or rude; love does not insist on its own; love is not irritable or resentful; love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but it rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Lastly, love never ends. I will love you as much as you love me.”Following her kindness and understanding to me, I had no other reason but to promise to love her till death do us part, bearing in mind that, love is not just a feeling, but it is what we do. Simply because, love without action is dead, as actions speak louder than words. As somebody said, that your actions are too loud that I cannot hear your words.
