Scene of Eve

[ chapter 7 ]

I slept, probably an hour two at most, because I found myself looking at the moon perfectly illuminating Ian’s features. Up close, his eyelashes are long. His nose is high, a little rounded. It scrunches every once in a while like a dream is still bothering him. But then the crease on his forehead would smoothen as if the nightmare was replaced by a dream. I tried going back to sleep not wanting to look like a panda on the shoot. But there was just too much going - and lack of what’s going on - and the darkness when I close my eyes is instead replaced by a war scene. A war scene I could not even understand because of bombs dropping here and there. I don’t know who the enemy is. I don’t know who my troops are. 

So I even have a troop, to begin with?

Sitting up carefully, I remembered that I was not able to remove Ian’s shoes because of him pulling me down with him. I slowly slide to his feet and untie his shoes and push them off to the ground. I giggled as his toes wiggle and he hums incoherently with the sudden thud on the carpeted floor.

I was then enveloped in complete silence. Ian’s quiet breathing is the only thing assuring me I have not gone deaf just yet. Making sure he was comfortably tucked in, I went to sit on the floor, just by the window. The moon was nearly hiding behind clouds. Pretty much what I want too. I just want to hide. I want to be just vulnerable again. Have my parents block everything away from me and just their warmth cradling me until I fall asleep. But life isn’t easy. Once you’re out in the real world, there’s no coming back to the innocent you. Once in the battle, you either win or you lose. And even if you lose, there’s no stopping because it’s just on to the next battle. 

A rustling of the sheets made me whip my head back. Ian is awake, sitting with his knees tucked under his chin and his long hair covering almost his whole face, his toes playfully poking my shoulder to call my attention. 

“Want some food? Mike said you threw up most of what you ate before getting drunk.” I sat beside him and did a half pony on his long hair as I wiped some sweat off his face and felt as if he had a fever, though there’s no reason he should. 

He shook his head ‘no’ and placed his head on my shoulder, his hair lightly tickling my neck. 

“So. What was that about?” I whispered as Ian stayed silent.

“What was what about?” He sighed and held one of my hands in both of his and played idly with my fingers. 

“You know what.” I nudged his shoulder as I slowly, and one by one, slid my fingers between his. I would think that Ian has fallen back to sleep if it wasn’t for his hands tightening and loosening in mine once in a while. 

“I love you, Apple.” Ian said, breaking the silence between us. 

Suddenly the clouds showed the moon fully on display. Like how Ian’s heart is possibly on full display tonight as well. 

I stare at our feet entangled with one another, my eyes starting to sting. I was not hurting, no. It’s quite the opposite. But I can’t bring myself to trust his words just yet. Everything is happening too fast. And it’s all happening in a small world. A world that is too perfect that it does not have the flaws I’d want to test every emotion out. No holes to see the full reality. Everything is too cramped on the screen and I feel like jumping outside, a different world and dimension, everything would crumble. This is something that I think is better left off where it is. It’s not something to be experimented on because everything about it is too fragile to test. Once it breaks, the shards would only wound us more. Pieces could not be put back as a whole again.

“Let’s sleep,” I tell him softly. Not a full decline of what he just said, but maybe just a temporary shrug off my system. “I still have to drive us both to the shoot. Mike will have my head if I don’t bring the star safe and sound.” I add with a chuckle and I pull him back under the covers.

We lie both on our side facing each other, our eyes asking for everything and nothing at all. 

“Can I-” Before Ian even finishes, I already find myself crawling in the space between his arms. It is even warmer than the bed. Warmer than the moment he pulled me down drunk. Probably because he is more conscious than before that I feel everything to be more real. Like my nerves are suddenly hypersensitive with every touch.

“Can’t sleep yet?” I mumble, my breath dangerously close to his skin.

Ian answers with a hum and his arms tighten around me.

“How about I tell you a bedtime story?” I lift my head up slightly as he looks back down at me. 

“Tell me.” His voice was quiet, enough to lull me to sleep even before I got to my story.

I cleared my throat as I started with the most cliche ‘Once upon a time’ of all legendary bedtime stories. A chuckle and I felt a feather-light peck on my head as Ian buried his face on my hair. 

“Once upon a  time, there was a lonely red apple on a tree.” I felt Ian chuckle as his body shook in my arms. 

“Lonely?” He whispers, head still buried in my head.

“Yes, lonely. Now hush or I’ll let the apple rot ‘til the end of time.” Again he chuckled but stayed silent otherwise.

“So this apple thought that winter would come and freeze her rotten,” Ian’s arms pulled me closer if it was even possible to be closer than we are now. “But a little boy came with a bucket full of green apples.” At the mention of the little boy, I felt my heart beat faster and my cheeks warm.

I thought to myself as I continued the story, why would the boy exchange all of his other apples for a lonely red apple? Looking at it realistically, green apples are healthier in comparison to red ones. 

So why?

“Because the boy sees so much more in the red apple. And he’d rather keep the red apple company than the green ones who already have companions in the bucket.” Ian whispered as he looked down at me.

Did I ask that out loud? 

I froze at the realization that I did ask that aloud. But even before time could run normally for me again, Ian gently connected our lips together. And I realized that time never really had a meaning. Time does not measure anything. Not even the days I’ve spent with Ian. Time was just something created for the sake of those who live a life of preciseness. People who live by counting down the days until they lie in their deathbeds. Time was never meant for those who dream and those who want to live. So what is a day, a week, a month? Nothing, really. Falling takes no notice of such things. Falling just happens and no time could tell when, where, and why it would happen. Because once you fall, time leaves you and does not even bother to see whether you break or not. It leaves and latches itself to someone who doesn’t want to live.

“And you know why the boy would pick the red apple over his bucket full of green ones?” Ian whispered, his lips hovering over mine. 

I still don’t understand what’s going on. He is still drunk. The taste of beer and cigarettes on his every breath tells me to hang on and not fall. But my fingers are slowly slipping. Time has walked away even when I’m still standing on edge. Is being drunk contagious? I’m suddenly dizzy from everything that has happened in a span of a few hours - weeks, even. Time has blurred the lines between the real world and the imagined world of Ian and I. 

My eyes are glued on Ian’s as he says “Because that lonely red apple tastes sweeter than anything else.” And I let go. Not knowing what welcomes me beneath, I let myself fall. The only grip keeping me from being scared is Ian’s hand entwined in mine as his lips crash against mine. Everything was new and yet it felt like home. 

“I love you.” Ian’s lips move just over my ear as he whispers. Nipping gently, I turn my head to the window, my eyes searching for the moon, asking for answers to the questions I don’t even know. 

“You don’t have to give me answers. You can push me away. The reins are in your hands, Apple.” Ian started leaving feather-light kisses on my cheek down to my jaw. The tip of his nose mapping its way down to my neck.

But I don’t want to push him away. My fingers won’t let him slip no matter how hard I try to rationalize everything. My fingers instead lock themselves with his own.

“Hey, look at me, please?” Ian begs as he tilts my face towards his with his other hand.

It wasn’t the moon that I needed to look at for answers because it was Ian’s eyes all along. It was Ian who I needed to have my eyes on to understand what questions I was asking answers for. 

And all those questions point to just one answer. Rational or not, it’s all about how I have loved him. When it started, I can’t really tell. It could be on the first day we met where I first saw him as a boy playing with fireworks. Or it could be just hours ago when I saw him as a man in agony. A man in agony over his unreciprocated feelings.

“I love you too.” But whatever happened in the past were just clouds blocking the moon. Because now I find myself saying these three words clearly, no doubt. 

The future is still unknown. The sunrise may change what the moon has witnessed. But one thing is for sure.

The red apple is no longer lonely.

___

I find myself waking up once in a while that night. Thoughts muddled. Heart beating fast. Brain telling me a clear ‘no’. But every time, Ian’s steady breathing and his arms around would lull me back to sleep. A sleep that leads me to dream of car rides and beaches, a warm hand in mine as the wind gently hits me. And then I’m awake again.

“Good morning.” A husky voice whispers as I try wiggling my way out of the covers.

I look up and am greeted with Ian smiling down at me. Suddenly the night came rushing back and I quickly stood but ended up with an aching butt on the ground and a laughing Ian on the bed.

“What are you doing up so early?” I ask while I massage my butt. Then I look at the bedside table and see that he has already drunk the medicine I left for him last night. I wonder though when he did. I never felt him leave last night. Even when I woke up in the middle of the night, he was fully knocked out. He also looks freshly showered. 

“Woke up from Mike’s call. Gave me the location of the next shoot.” He stood up and grabbed a towel by the cabinet and gave it to me. I shook my head and told him that I have no chance of clothes since I came in a hurry and did not expect to spend the night out. He chuckles and pushes me into the bathroom as he closes the door on my face. I stood with my mouth open, thinking that maybe I’m still asleep and would wake up in my room with my phone alarm going off, probably for the millionth time, as I try to ignore it and get a few more minutes of sleep.

“Hurry up so we can eat an early lunch! I know a nice place that serves 5-star meals!” Ian knocks as he hears no water running for the past minute. I look around the bathroom and find a bag with a sticky note stuck on it. 

‘Hope you had an interesting night. Mike had asked me to have some clothes sent to the hotel. Sorry if it’s not to your liking. It was the middle of the night so I was not sure what I had my hands on.