Undone

Mia was a cheerful little girl adored and loved by her family all her relatives. she was the youngest amoung all her cousins so they protected her . She came from a family of 5, her mom and dad, an elder brother Micheal and sister Mary. She grew up in Zambia a beautiful in a part of Africa, been the youngest Mia was treat like a little princess and she was adored and protected by her family and her cousins. But one day that all changed , that day turned her life around , she came home from school happy all she wanted to do was take off her uniform and go play outside, found her elder brother only home and said hi to him and went to her room, well she was busy changing her brother walked into the room started touching her in places she hard never been touched before before he continued to do the unthinkable and took away her innocence, her childhood was damaged forever . She hated herself for what happened , that's was something that came easy after that , she started blaming herself for coming home maybe a little to early or she kept asking questions why he did what he did, why it had to happen, why was nobody there to protect her. The same hands that help up when she fail, the same hands that protected her once where the some hands that kept her up and fearing been In the home she grow up in, the home she loved no longer gave me that feeling of safety . She closed off to ger sister who constantly asked her if she was okay and what was wrong. She wouldn't enter the house if her mom or sister where not home. She hated herself so much that she felt she didn't belong to that family cause they was no were her own brother , hee own fresh and blood could difile and dent her life in such a way. She hated him, she hated everything about him, what he did to her and how he stole hee innocence. why did he do that to her , she couldnt bring heeself to ask him. when her parents found out , they where devastated and angry. Her father felt like he failed to protect her in the place she was supposed to feel safe in. Her mom grow distant and part of her felt like her mom blamed her for breaking up the family. Her brother was kicked out of the house and still she didn't like been home or feel self at all. She was sent to boarding school so she couldn't be home and only home during her school holidays. 3 years past and shr still felt unsafe, at times she would wash herself like she trying to wash that feeling and pain away. She had attempted to end my life so number of times cause she felt she wasn't worthy of love or nothing good could come out of her. She perferred been alone and she distanted herself from her friends she hard and grow up with, cause she couldn't share with any of her friends what she went through and how she felt about her life. She was a loner and buried herself in books and did anything that didn't require her to socialise , she had to grow up so she lost part of her childhood. life went on but when she thought it couldn't get any worse her brother committed suicide 2years later and on her 15th day making her feel more hate then she already felt. like him taking her innocence wasn't enough, he had to do kill himself on the actual day she was born, it happened in the night we were all sited watching TV her , her sister , her mom and her dad. when a knock came at the door, her dad went out to see who it was only to find police officers, who had come tell him that her brother was in the hospital and was very sick , they needed her parents to go identify him if he was there child. They left come back later with the devastating news of his passing, a part of her felt like he was punishing her more for been kicked out and losing ties with there father. After his funeral her mom grow more distant and her relationship with her mom was almost non existent. She kept asking herself if her mom really blame her for what happened to her or she blamed herself for not been there for Mia. Her brothers death lead her to start drinking and clubbing with that came a strings of non attached s****l relationships. She would want attention , she would want to feel wanted and hook up with a strange person once they touched her or come close to her , giving her the things she craved for, she would feel abused, used, dirty and unclean. She would hate herself even more after each encounter. She wanted nothing but to be dead or God to take her life away cause she didn't feel worth been alive but with every attempt to do so God saved hrr life , He kept giving her chances to change it but , she kept going back to what she felt comfortable with, to what gave her a sense of feeling even if it lasted only for a second and the coldness would sweep in again , she wanted that. At the age of 18 she started dating one of her school mates who didn't know a lot about her, he was nice and good to her and he also made her feel loved and wanted in a way and she grew to like been around him at that time but didn't want anything more then just what they had. cause she felt that, if truly knew who she was and what she had been through he would live or if he got to close to her, she would feel nothing but hate towards him. But eventually they got close and she started to distant herself and she started to feel the same way she felt everytime she let a man get close to her. what she didn't expect was to be pregnant at the age of 18, she couldn't believe that she was pregnant and more she didn't want to be, how could she bring a child into this world when all she wanted to do was live it. She felt nothing good could come out of her, so she wanted to loss the child but didn't want to abopt or kill the child. She wanted to have a miscarriage, so she did everything the doctor said she shouldn't do, so she could lose the child. every day she would ask God to save the child from her cause shr didn't feel anything good and beautiful could come out of me abused, broken and damaged.. Mia believed that she was not worthy of anything and nothing good could come out of her considering what happened to her and the life she lived after..