Doughboy

DANGEROUS WIENERSThe wieners lay on the sidewalk, their once long, muscular bodies now mashed and pulped from being stepped upon by hundreds of unwary pedestrians. Having no arms or legs, they could do nothing. Lacking a mouth, their screams were mute. Yet they felt pain, an inexorable, throbbing pain, one that – excruciating beyond belief, to be sure – traveled up and down their wiener bodies like an electric jolt. If able, they would have rocked back and forth in an attempt to escape the clodding heels of their tormentors. But there was little hope for this courageous group of daring, but ultimately doomed, wieners. Having volunteered for a reconnaissance journey, they had soon found themselves packaged within a clear container, where they lay smothered against one another in a way that gave them no room for movement, let alone any way for the more lusty wieners to express themselves in the approved fashion that wieners enjoy… A short while later, their package roughly shorn in two by a sharp knife and nimble fingers, they were then unceremoniously dumped into a pan of boiling water. They rolled about in pain, their movements confused, their equilibrium shattered, but somehow managed to survive this physical a***e that bordered on the pathological. Then, haphazardly stuck between two pieces of bread and drenched with various garnishes, they were consumed with an energetic zeal reserved for hyperactive teenagers. Their partially mutilated and mangled bodies were then tossed aside to the ground like so much refuse. Some of the wieners, those still able to comprehend their plight, planned an escape, but it was hopeless: In less than three minutes most of the wieners were eaten by a mangy Pug with a ravenous – albeit noisy – appetite, which included numerous snorts, slurps, and burps. As if to punctuate the conclusion to this gruesome feast, the Pug emitted an undignified sound from its anus and then scampered off, seemingly satisfied. The remaining group of wieners, along with those from the original selection committee, never again planned any reconnaissance missions outside their colony, having seen that first group virtually destroyed. The survivors went through a period of mourning for their devoured comrades, and secretly dreamed of revenge against those who had savaged their race with such unmitigated hunger.