Black Hole

Get With the Program

When I enter the house the first thing I see is my mother, Leo, Mr. and Mrs. Rad sitting in the living room (which we never use unless there’s important company) having drinks and cheese or something.

“Jayma! There you are!” Mother exclaimed loudly.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked.

“Oh, we were just discussing your and Leo’s future together is all.” She answered happily as though last week I didn’t tell her that I didn’t love him.

“Fantastic,” I said sarcastically.

“Where have you been?” Leo asked.

“Finally took Alan up on the offer to ride in his Ferrari,” I said. I decided not to tell Leo and his parents that I had almost slept with his best friend merely half an hour ago.

“Cool, isn’t it? Sit down.”

I stiffly sat down next to him, incredibly uncomfortable with the situation at hand. I tugged on my hair anxiously.

“So how is everything, Jayma?” Mrs. Rad asked me. “We don’t see you as often as we used to.”

“Oh yeah, it just with it being senior year and being cheer captain, and duking it out for valedictorian, I’ve been crazy busy with school stuff.” I answered.

“Leo’s been quite busy too. He’s barely home anymore.” Mr. Rad laughed.

“I’m home tons!” Leo objected. I knew he wasn’t home much because he was too busy cheating on me. And now  he was trying to cover it up. Did he really think I didn’t know? Did he see me as that clueless and stupid? It's not like he's particularly smart about it. 

“Yes, I’m sure Leo’s been busy...doing things.” Or my best friend.

Leo cleared his throat. “Um, babe, we were just talking about our plans for after graduation.”

“Our plans?” I asked in confusion.

“Yeah, you know going to Washington State, getting an apartment close to campus, and moving in together.”

“Doesn’t that sound lovely?” Mother asked, smiling.

It would sound a lot lovelier if I actually wanted any of that. Also if someone had discussed this “plan” with me earlier. 

“Um, you know, I haven’t really decided what I’m gonna do after graduation.” I said, tugging at my hair again. That had always been a nervous habit of mine.

“It’s fine if you don’t know what you want to do. That’s what college is for.” Mrs. Rad smiled.

“I want to major in Astronomy.” I said honestly. “I know that. I just don’t think Washington State has the best program for that.” Columbia, on the other hand did.

“Oh honey, that Astronomy is just a hobby. What about majoring in design or something? You can take over Lilian’s company when you graduate.” Mother insisted.

Mrs. Rad smiled at the thought. Any other time I would nod and pretend to go with what they were saying, but I think hooking up with Alan made me a little more rebellious. 

“I have five telescopes, Mother. That isn’t a hobby, it’s a passion,” I forced a laugh. “And we don’t hear back from colleges until Spring I mean, how do we know I’ll actually get in Washington State?”

“I’m sure you’ll get in Jay.” Mr. Rad said. “Smart girl like you. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

“Well what if I get in somewhere else?” I asked.

“What does it matter?”  Mother asked. “Washington State with Leo has always been the plan.”

“Plans change Mother!”

“Honey.” Leo cut in. “Why don’t we go get some fresh air?”

I let Leo drag me out to the porch.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jay?” He asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, lately you’ve been distant and weird. And since when did the plan change?”

“Leo, don’t you hate the way they’re sitting there planning our lives out over cheese and wine? Don’t you want more than this?”

“I want-” He sighed. “I want you, Jay. I know things haven’t been perfect, but I’m willing to change to make this work. Our parents think we’re good together and so do I.”

“We don’t want the same things Leo. We’re two very different people.” I said.

“You saying we’re not working out anymore? You…you don’t want this anymore?”

Was this it? The moment I finally escape my relationship with Leo? I couldn’t think of a better time.

I shook my head. “I don’t want this anymore. I think we should break up.” I whispered. Leo looks shocked. Did he really not know how unhappy I was?

“Well that’s too bad.” It’s my turn to be shocked. “This is just some weird phase you’re going through. You still want this, you’re just scared. We’re not breaking up.”

 I shook my head and pulled away from him. “But, Leo, I don’t-“ He grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me back to him. His grip was cutting off my circulation. I winced in pain.

“And I’m willing to forgive this little lapse of judgement if you get with the damn program. We’re gonna get married, Jay. You’re going to love me. Now let’s go back inside.”

Leo had never spoken to me like that. And most certainly had never grabbed me. I sat in silence while everyone around me discussed my future without asking me what I wanted. As the night was coming to a close, Leo looked over at his parents and they nodded.

“Jay, I want to give you something.” He said, pulling out a velvet box. If he proposes I’ll just die!

“This ring has been in my family for some time now, and I think it’s about time that it graced your beautiful finger.”

He opened the box and here was the family ring I used to so desperately want. The band was made only of diamonds. He slipped it on my right ring finger.

“This ring is to show you that I promise to love you and give you everything you need.” That promise had already been broken. Leo could never give me what I needed.

Our parents gushed as I forced a smile to my face and Leo kissed me. I guess the confidence hooking up with Alan had given me had faded because I was suddenly no longer rebellious and was getting with the damn program.