A Borderline Life.

Breaking point.

I walked up the street and as I was on my way to Sam's house I kept thinking about William and I kept thinking that he would do something bad to hurt me if he even does message me. f**k these trust issues. Ugh.

'Is he even going to message me or did I just do all of that and have a whole conversation with a random guy for nothing?' I kept going through everything that happened in my mind. Ruminating, as always.

As I walked up Sam's steps at her house and entered the front door, I felt suddenly calm and happy. Sam has that effect on me. She makes me feel less crazy and broken.

"Hey Sam. The weirdest thing just happened on my way to your house and I need to talk about it. It was so random." I said.

"Oh god. What happened now?" She joked.

Against my better judgment I was extremely happy and surprised about what happened with William. I never have encounters with people other than Sam and it turned out to be really good. This is a new feeling. I can't put a word to it, but im surprisingly... hopeful? Wow. That's new.

Sam's not used to me talking about guys because I've never focused on them before really. So get ready for the fireworks.

"Well. On my way here some guy stopped me to ask me what time it was and so I told him and we started talking. He called me pretty and asked for my number. I gave it to him. His name is William and he seems super nice."

I took a deep breath in and waited for her reaction. It was going to be over the top. I KNOW it. Sam's very loud.

"NO f*****g WAY DUDE!!! OH. MY. GOD." She screamed.

Did I mention I have been scared to talk to men ever since I left Andrew?? Oh. I didn't. Now you understand why this is such a big deal. Andrew and I had alot of issues..

"Oh my god Sam. Relax!! It's not a big deal. We just talked for a bit, I gave him my number and we went on our merry way. No big deal." I said nonchalantly.

"SPILL. Tell me everything. What does he look like? Is he cute? Does he have a nice butt?"

'Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have told her' I thought.

We talked about William for what felt like hours. I know like nothing about this man but I can't shake him from my mind. There's just something about him. It's intoxicating.

"Alright Sam enough about him. Have you seen my mom? Like anywhere? I have to talk to her about what happened with Andrew."

I told Sam on the phone yesterday what had happened with my mom and Andrew and she was absolutely livid. She wants to hurt them both. I still just want to know what the hell is going on.

"Honestly I haven't seen your mom in days but after what she and Andrew did I really don't want to see her ever again because I will end up hurting her. And him." She said maliciously.

"I understand but she's still my mom. But Andrew, go for it" I joked.

When I was on my way home later in the day with no idea of where my mom went, I felt broken and like giving up.

'This is my mother. The person who gave birth to me. I don't understand why she's treating me like this and its not fair! Why would she pick my ex over me? This doesn't make any sense. I'm her daughter!!' I started overthinking. Again.

God, do I ever hate my brain sometimes.

When I got home and walked into the house I noticed something, well many things. The last of my mother's items were gone. It seems like she's gone for good now.

I'm broken.

I see a note on the table. My eyes fill with tears.

'Please stop looking for me. Me and Andrew deserve to be happy. You're always so sad and depressed it's bringing everyone around you down. Do us all a favour and just disappear. You'll be less of a burden. -Mom.'