A Borderline Life.

My name is Amanda Rose Webster. I'm 23 years old. I live with my mom, brother and 2 sisters. Oh! and can't forget my cats, Oscar and Sonic! Last year I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ever since then it's been a rollercoaster of emotions and struggling to accept the reality of my situation. Like what the hell even is borderline personality disorder?! This makes no sense!!! Am i broken? Is that like multiple personalities or some s**t?! Like what the hell?! Am I a psychopath!? "I'm telling you. You have to be mistaken. I don't have anything wrong with my brain. I'm perfectly fine. Everyone is overreacting." I repeated for the hundredth time to my therapist, after she got another worried call from my dad. "I'm sorry Amanda but you did the mental health evaluation and everything points to Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm sorry. It's not a death sentence or anything though Amanda. You will live a healthy happy long life if you use your medications as prescribed and keep coming to see and talk to me." "You just want my money" I said rudely, not caring anymore. "Amanda that's not true and you know it. I care about you and want to help you" "Ugh I'm sorry I'm just so mad. Why do I have to be the one with the broken brain?! What did I ever do wrong?!" I said, hyperventilating. My panic attacks have been getting so much worse these last few months I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in my mind to make sure I don't upset myself. How insane is that? "Amanda take a deep breath. You will get through this and become stronger then ever before. I promise you that. But unfortunately it's time for my next appointment, same time next week if that's okay?" "Yeah, sure. Looking forward to it." I said sarcastically. 'Man am I in a terrible mood today.' I thought to myself. 'It is just not my day today.' I walked out into the warm springtime sun and took a deep breath. 'I've been thinking so much lately. I need to relax for a bit' I thought to myself. I walked home slowly, thinking and day dreaming. I decided to grab a shower while my mom was on her way home from work to have dinner together. When I got out of the shower I noticed it was way past the time that mom was due home. It's not like her to be late for dinner. I called her cell but her phone was off. 'That's weird, maybe her phone died.' I pondered to myself. 'Where the hell could she be?' After another hour and a half and 9 calls later I started to worry. Me and my mom haven't always been close or seen eye to eye but we are very open with eachother and if there was something wrong she would have called me by now. 3 hours later my mom comes walking into the house completely sloshed with none other then Andrew, my ex boyfriend. "Where the hell have you been mom?! I've been worried! You're never this late. And Andrew, what the hell are you doing with my mom? Or better yet, even in my house for that matter!?" I said furiously. "You aren't welcome here! Like ever!!!" "Yes he absolutely is. I'm sorry Amanda but I'm done pretending. I'm not hiding this anymore. You're an adult. You can deal with it. Me and Andrew are together and I'm moving in with him." My mother said nonchalantly. And that's when I broke.. "You what? You're together? Tell me this is some kind of rediculously disgusting joke. I don't believe that for one second. Mom you wouldn't do that to me. And Andrew she's like 30 years older then you!!! Are you insane? This is f*****g gross." I spat. "Watch your mouth young lady or get the hell out of my house" She said drunkenly. "I CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" I started to sob. Andrew laughed. That was when everything went black. I woke up shortly after in an ambulance. What had happened was that all the stress and the panic I was going through at the time was too much to handle and I blacked out. This never happened to me before and really scared me. My mom is nowhere to be seen. Seems like she bailed with Andrew after she called 911 and left me. I don't understand what's gotten into her. She never used to be this way. She was caring and sweet and always there for me. Where is the person I used to call my mom? I need to talk to my mother. Now. The moment I was discharged from the hospital I went directly to my house to get some answers from my mother. But I wouldn't find any there.. Because she packed up. She's gone. She left me. My sisters and brother were apparently "sworn to secrecy" and wouldn't tell me where I could find my mom. I feel so broken and alone. We may not have been super close but she was the closest one to me in the house. My siblings hate me. But my dad is my rock. My best friend. I don't know where I would be without him.. Especially now..