30-year-old BOYS

Chapter 5 - The year was 1986

Chapter 5 – The year was 1986

Special Chapter Song – Say You, Say Me - Lionel Richie

I think you’re more pretty than my lollipop. Can I lick you?

~ Huang Lau

At three years old he was still wearing baby clothes. This was because he was yet to grow. He was in a nautical onesie—also known as jumpsuit—which was blue with white stripes, with an anchor patchwork sewn on the front. Was he cute? Most definitely. He was mothafu—beep—in cute Buddhammit!

He had three nannies. Three because he was a three-year-old billionaire. And three in Feng Shui was quite lucky back in 1986. I’m Chinese. Cut me some slack. I know what I’ma sayin’ yo.

Anyway, the mother couldn’t be bothered to take care of her own son, for she was busy tending to her husband who was cutting the ribbon to the doors of the orphanage they have founded. The said orphanage was one of many charities the Cheng family oversaw, a subset of their many philanthropic efforts.

The three-year-old Daniel Cheng was cute. So cute that he shined. So shiny that he was literally like a gleaming beacon of baby light, stomping one foot in front of the other while the three nannies scuttled to follow.

He was prancing over the meadow like how a three-year-old should, beaming with a smile that all the other children were envious of. And why wouldn’t they? They were orphans. And unlike them, Daniel Cheng had a family.

Daniel had a very rich father, a very social socialite for a mother, and three nannies wearing green, red, and blue. Yes. Just like the three fairy godmothers from Sleeping Beauty. EL-OH-EL.

It was a bright sunny day. And Daniel was glowing, literally shining as he scampered giddily over the peanut grass, which is a type of grass with little yellow buds … um … you don’t know what I mean by the description? Google it. Google peanut grass. But be careful. I think I saw a c******s somewhere when I Googled it. Huhu.

Three gardeners. Three sexy Chinese gardeners were wolf whistling, trying to get the attention of the three trampy nannies. The three slutty nannies were flirting, winking, and batting their eyelashes at the three gardeners, blowing air-kisses and giggling as their sodden panties shrank against their Fannies. Were they careless? Most definitely. They were oblivious as the young Daniel Cheng walked on his cute, little, tiny, mothafu—beep—in cute sandaled toes to follow a butterfly … a cute, yellow, tiny, little, itsy bitsy butterfly. I could almost see some of you singing the ‘itsy bitsy spider’ song in your heads. EL-OH-EL!!

Daniel was reaching forward with his cute hands, squeezing them as if doing so was going to help him get the elusive moth. Yes. I call butterflies moths because they’re basically moths who lost weight and put on makeup coz they got tired looking gray.

Anyway, Daniel followed the stupid insect, his footsteps taking him farther and farther away, closer to the white picket fence, where a rabid dog was waiting. Hungry.

His cute beady eyes were trained on following the butterfly as it gained height, flouncing over the white picket fence and away from sight. Arf! Arf! Arf! Okay. Wait. That’s stupid. Rabid dogs don’t do arf arf arf. They do Grrarrf! Grarrf! Grarr! There. Anyway, Daniel’s three-year-old heart palpitated with fear when the chained dog started barking and salivating.

His cute beady eyes erupted in horror as he fell backwards, kicking and screaming bloody murder as the dog pulled on his chain, ready to devour little ole Cheng. Wanna know how scared Daniel was? Just imagine the three-headed dog from the Harry Potter movie. Imagine yourself cornered by that big old mutt and let’s see how scared you would be. I mean. If I was cornered by that mothafu—beep—in three-headed dog I would totally be sh—beep—tting my pants yo!

So yes, little ole Daniel Cheng was horrified. His lips turning white with fright. Ooh that rhymes. He was so scared that he was close to peeing his jumpsuit, which was Made in China. By the way, on a totally different note because I hear this comment all the time, the comment being, “Why are most products Made in China?” Well, what can I say? We’re efficient with manual labor. And we’re damn proud of it! So ah, yeah, when you get to see the word ‘Made in China’ etched below, or at the sides of any product. Think of us. Think of us sweating and bleeding with manual labor. EL-OH-EL ^^ But we’re damn proud of it! Shout-out to all the c****s out there! You’re awesomesauce with a side of amazeballs!! Woohoo!!! (gyrating like a chinky banana).

Anyway, back to the story. So yes, little ole Daniel was mortified. His crying drowning his fear as he kicked his little legs to try and move as far away as he could from the terrifying dog! ER MY GERD!!

“Ben gou!”

Enter English subtitle >>> “Stupid dog!” shouted one very brave and very cute and also very tall for one who was a five-year-old, Huang Lau, “Shoo!” he shooed the rabid dog and started throwing stones, rocks, and pebbles at him … how did I know that the dog was a he? Simple. It had a p***s. Duh?? Anyway, Lau kept throwing stones and the mad dog whimpered like a p***y … um … fu—beep—k! This is PG13. I can’t say pu—beep—sy here. Sh—beep—t! Huang kept throwing stones at the dog and the crazy mutt whimpered like a kitten. There, much better.

Lau knelt on one knee like a knight in shining armor, trying to pacify a weeping Daniel Cheng who was crying his eyes out, his cute little mouth puffing and hiccuping his shortness of breath.

Just a little side trivia yo. Hiccup is called hiccup because when we hiccup we ‘hic’ and ‘cough.’ Oh yeah. I’ma fangbang you with trivia every now and then yo buttah lovin’ EL-OH-EL ^^

AnyHO, the little Cheng hiccupped with his chest vibrating and falling, his heart squeezing with intense pain from fear of getting devoured by the motha—beep—in dog from Hairy Potter!!

Daniel raised his arms up in a gesture of a hug and the gallant Huang Lau wrapped his arms around little ole Daniel’s body to lift him up, “Hel-lo,” little Daniel hiccupped his greeting while involuntarily wiping his tears, “Xiexie,” he bowed, which is thank you in Mandarin Chinese.

Huang smiled and ruffled little Daniel’s hair, “You OK?” he asked simply, for he wasn’t as educated as Cheng was. At a very young age Daniel was a star pupil, a bright student, quite smart for his age. However, he was a sheltered little boy, and would most likely grow up sheltered if the “present” Daniel you had been reading is any indication. So he was smart, but lacked the “common sense” when it came to things as simple as ‘watching where you’re going,’ case in point what had just happened with the Hairy Potter dog almost biting his little head off.

On the other hand, Huang was a little behind in terms of education, because being an orphan meant that he needed to make do with whatever little schooling he could have, what with all the other orphans competing for attention with what few teachers the orphanage had. Although, what Huang lacked in smarts, he made up for with cunning, bravery, and street-smarts if the “present” Huang you had been reading so far from chapters 1 to 4 is any indication. So yeah, he wasn’t a complete knucklehead, but he wasn’t going to be a CEO of a multibillion dollar company either.

“No cry,” he said to little ole Daniel and for some reason it prompted little Cheng to cry once again, “O no,” Huang ruffled Daniel’s hair and rubbed his back, “No cry,” he cooed and hugged and rubbed the little frightened baby boy. Awwwww…so motha—beep—in cute yo! F me!!!

Lau didn’t know what else to do but to give Cheng his hard piece of candy. He pulled the hard piece of candy hiding from his track pants and peeled the skin off the head to reveal the sweet, sweet red piece of hard head. Daniel’s eyes grew big and wide as he sucked on the red head, his mouth filling up with saliva as he licked Huang’s shtick up and down, “Hmm…strawberry,” Daniel pouted while kissing the strawberry lollipop. Duh!? You pervs (shakes my head) shame on you!

Huang was split about what he just did. He was happy that Daniel stopped crying, but he was saddened because the lolly was his and now he didn’t have any. His five-year-old heart was beating really, really fast as he watched Cheng lick the lollipop with his cute, pink tongue. He swallowed hard as the desire to take the lollipop grew stronger by the second. But no, he couldn’t take the lollipop from a much smaller boy. He couldn’t. And so he did what he thought was best.

Lau knelt on one knee and pulled Daniel closer. Cheng looked at him while licking the lollipop, his pink lips turning into crimson the more he salivated around the head of the pop. Very gently Huang clasped Daniel’s hand out of the way, the lolly popping from Cheng’s mouth to leave him with a seductive pout. They established eye contact and in a split-second their eyes closed as Lau pressed his lips against the strawberry mouth of the cute, little, innocent three-year-old (cue explosion of panties) OH. MY. BUDDHA!

Huang sucked Daniel’s mouth, savoring the taste of his fruity lips. His heart valiant and strong as it pumped hard beneath his ribcage. Aww.

Daniel gasped a cute little gasp when Lau pulled away, “Oh…” he murmured, surprised, as his eyes fluttered like that of the butterfly, his cute little puckered mouth pouted and sizzling and hot, “Thank you,” he squeaked and smiled which made Huang’s beating heart grow frantic and wild, “Go my mommy and daddy,” he whispered while pointing to the direction from whence he came. Lau took Daniel’s hand and together they skipped happily over the dense, green, peanut grass … laughing, giggling, and smiling…

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Huang: Hey, I’ve been texting.

Daniel: I know.

Huang: Well??

Daniel: Huh??? Well what???

Huang: When can I kiss you?

Daniel: I don’t know.

Huang: Come on Daniel. Pls.

Daniel: You’re pushy.

Huang: I’m sorry. I like you.

Daniel: Ok.

Huang: -_-

Daniel: Lol.

Huang: 8========D

Daniel: What is this?

Huang: My p***s xD

Daniel: …

Huang: ??

Daniel: It looks big.

Huang: Wanna see?

Daniel: Lol. Stop it.

Huang: :)

Daniel: :P

Huang: So when can I kiss you?

Daniel: Hmmm. Maybe in the future.

Huang: I’m so hard Daniel. Come on.

Daniel: Omg :O

Huang: 8===D

Daniel: Oh no.

Huang: What?

Daniel: It’s smaller now =’|

Huang: Let’s make it bigger.

Daniel: How?

Huang: Kiss it.

Daniel: Pervert!

Huang: Who’s your first kiss?

Daniel: I don’t know.

Huang: Do you even have a first kiss?

Daniel: No one has ever kissed me :’(

Huang: Can I be your first kiss?

Daniel: Lol. We’ll see :D xoxo

Huang: Hehe xD 8========D

Daniel: It’s big again!

Huang: HAHAHAHA.