Memoirs of a mourning Luna

Where do I even start? how about the beginning, as cliché as it is... I sit here in my Epson salt bath from a long day, no scratch that, week at my factory job. Just trying to soak the stress out of my body. Which seems like an endless task at this point. I found a bath bomb, left by my husband, who knows how long ago but it smells amazing. Lemongrass and honey dew, my favorite. He knew me so well. At this point the water has grown cold and I'm still gazing at the yellow tinted water. My husband would have made a joke of me peeing in the water and I miss that. As aggravating as it was at the time, I miss it now. I peel myself out of the bath tub about the time my oldest daughter knocks on the door, "Mom, you ok?" She's so sweet to check but I have been in here a while "I'm fine hun, I'll be right out." I grab a towel and dry off and change into pj's, I don't wear much else these days. As I come out of the bathroom my daughter and my son both look at me, almost in pity and I hate it. Crystal, my daughter, "mom don't you wanna wear real clothes?" Crystal is 17 but way beyond her years in mind. Honestly it has a lot to do with the past she's been dealt. She's transgender but I've never seen her as anything other than my daughter. She's adopted because her birth family were....less than receptive. My son, who is also her boyfriend (I know I'm running my house like the Cullens but we roll with it) his name is Iggy. He's still deciding his gender but up unto this point he's been mostly masculin so I'm rolling with that as of right now. He's also adopted, at 19, I know it's crazy at that age but they needed me, as much as I needed them probably. They are both awesome kids and super respectful, they help out around the house. I've helped them get their license and gave them a stable foot hold on life, I just want them to pay it forward. That aside, they keep hounding me to get out into the world....again. I don't know how to tell them I've already met my soulmate, it's not gonna happen again. I'll come to that later I suppose. "Mom! you've only got an hour to get ready!" Crap I forgot I was going out with the girls. I guess after 2 years it's about time. "Fiiiiine , gawd you're so bossy" I tease as she and Iggy glare at me. I know they're just wanting the best for me, and I know I should socialize. It's just hard now without him...without them more like. "I can do my makeup, but I need help curling my hair." I look to crystal hopefully because I'm terrible with the curling wand. "Ofcourse!" She looks way too hopeful for the evening. I'm sure they want me to find someone, but no one will ever be enough. Not to the standard I have anyways, and I have a high standard to follow. I'm finally ready as my friend Ari pulls up. Thank Goddess (yes I'm Wiccan get over it) my kids are taller than me because they both pulled my hair together in a half up mermaid curl. I'm only 5'2 as it is so it doesn't take much to be taller. I have raven black hair, which I touch up at the roots because it keeps turning white since I was 25 and at 37 I feel it's too early for that crap. I have bleached and dyed the underside of my hair a beautiful shade of amethyst. I love my hair but outside of that I have been working out and I feel I look pretty good for someone my age. I'm no size zero but I have nice curves in all the right places and this is the slimmest I've been since high-school, and that's no lie. Although I've worked hard for it, after childbirth it's not so easy but I did it.(I know what you're thinking , just be patient I'm working on facing that story. it will come in due time.). I also had to have my back rebuilt with titanium so I'm close to being the bionic woman. Again that's another story for another day. My outfit was put together by Crystal, faux leather leggings with 6 in heels(which I can barely walk in but whatever) with a blood red what I would call peasant top but almost a corset around the middle, although I'm pretty sure it's fake. I put on light makeup but I did do fake lashes just to be a little extra but not too much. Ari pulls up in her jeep wrangler with her beautiful blonde beach waves and plaid shirt and Jean leggings and high heel ankle boots looking at me ,"Oooooooo aren't you all dressed up!" Giving me that wiggly eyebrow like I have someone to meet. "O gawd just drive jerk". She laughs as we head off blaring some country station. I couldn't tell you the artist for the life of me...I love music and I know songs, but artists forget it. We reach the bar about 30 minutes later (can't really call it a club it's too much of a hole in the wall despite the crowd) and meet up with "the girls". Shelly, Lucinda, Diana, and Darcy, all clad in the same sort of country girl boutique garb and I feel slightly out of place. "Alright giiiiirrrlllllss. You ready for tonight!?" Shelly asks as we all gather in the parking lot about to head in. They all nod in a "Hell ya!" and I just kind of tag along although Ari won't leave me behind so she stays back and looks to make sure I'm ok as I nod and we follow the rest in.