Fate of the Alpha's Mate

Chapter 7

Esme

It's been two weeks since my dad died. Two weeks since I moved back into the packhouse to be with my mom. Two weeks of putting one foot in front of the other and trying to learn how to live in this new reality. My mom may never be able to. She has been completely shut down. Her wolf hasn’t spoken since the night he died. She hasn’t been doing well at all. She seems to be going through the motions that are expected of her but that’s about it. She hasn’t eaten much, not nearly enough for a wolf. She rarely even comes out of her room. I'm getting really worried that I might lose my mom too. My Aunt Lacey says she will pull through and I just need to give her time, but I've seen how losing a mate can affect wolves and I'm terrified.

I’ve been trying to get her to come stay at my house since after the Lost Warrior ceremony. Being here is hard. My Aunt Lacey said she was going to try to get her to come stay with them. She thinks my place would make my mom feel like a burden. We have extra room, so I'm not sure why she would feel that way. But if living with Aunt Lacey gets her out of here, I don't care how it happens. She needs to start getting out and doing things again. As long as she sits here and lives in her memories, she will never move on. I need her to be okay. I can't lose them both.

Living in the packhouse brings back so many memories for both of us. When I walk into the kitchen I remember the time my dad and I tried to surprise my mom with dinner, completely burned everything and set the smoke alarms off. It smelled awful in our house for days. Our home has endless memories of my dad, the big, bad beta painting my nails and braiding my hair. My dad would sit with me in the living room every night while I read. He loved to read too. Sitting in the common room reminds me of countless nights my dad would find Lucas and me there well after we should have been in bed, watching movies or dancing around. We loved to dance. The staircase in the foyer reminds me of the day I walked down it, saw Lucas, and knew he wasn’t mine.

This house holds so many memories, not just of my dad. But also, of a time when Lucas and I were thick as thieves and spent every second possible together. Those days are long gone, and this house is nothing more than a reminder of hard things. Lucas seems to be avoiding me again. I haven’t seen him since the ceremony and even then, we didn't speak. I know he is blaming himself for my dad’s death. I don’t blame him at all. It's a risk we always knew he was taking, and he died protecting his alpha. I know that he would be proud to die honorably and would never have traded with Lucas or Tyler for a second.

It's been two weeks of desperately needing Lucas to be who he used to be. He's always been my person. Now I feel like I'm drowning in grief and I'm all alone. It comes in waves. Sometimes I feel like I'm finally finding the surface, but then I get pulled under again. I wasted so much time with him. The last three years of his life I wasn’t even here. I never imagined my time was limited. He was supposed to be here when I met my mate and got married. When I had my pups and help me raise them. There are so many things left in my life that he was supposed to be here for.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was two o’clock in the morning. The nightmares had only gotten worse in the last two weeks. The lack of sleep was beginning to really wear on me. Before I came home, I blamed it on the anxiety of coming home. After I was here, I thought it was the stress of knowing I would have to face Lucas. Time keeps moving on, the nightmares will not go away and I'm running out of excuses. I'm exhausted and I need sleep.

I picked up my phone and stared at the screen, flipping through apps aimlessly. I tried not to pick up my phone while I was in bed because I knew it would only keep me up longer. But I'm beginning to feel like I'm going crazy. No one will be up this late, so it's useless to even flip through my social media. I started to flip over to a reading app when I noticed Lucas’s phone showing active and sent him a message before I could change my mind.

Me: U up?

Lucas: Yeah, what’s up?

I pressed the call button and brought the phone to my ear, unsure of what I was going to say. I hoped that just hearing his voice would help settle my brain. Maybe I could get some sleep tonight. He used to sit on the phone with me until one of us fell asleep. He often fell asleep first and I would sit there just listening to him snore.

“Hey?” he whispered.

“Hey.” I sighed back, not really sure what else to say.

“It’s kind of late,” he whispered again. I could hear him moving around. My throat felt tight, and tears stung my eyes. I felt like my world was going crazy and Lucas was the only one that could keep me afloat. I also know that is not the relationship we have anymore and I have no right to lean on him or call him at two in the morning. I snuggled into my covers a little more and shifted on the small bed. I miss my king-sized bed at home.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I apologized, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. “I can let you go,” I rushed out. What was I even thinking, calling him? He was probably with Emily, that's why he was whispering. My chest felt tight knowing she was probably with him.

“Es, what’s up?” I could hear the worry in his tone. I didn’t mean to worry him. I'm not even sure why I called. He hasn’t been my person for a long time now. I wonder if there will ever come a time when my instinct isn’t to call him first when I need someone.

“I just couldn’t sleep, and I needed to hear your voice. I miss you, Luke.” I answered truthfully, feeling stupid.

“Me too.” I could hear the sadness in his voice. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Lucas

When I heard the phone ring, I answered, trying to silence it as quickly as possible. Emily fell asleep on the couch, and I didn’t want to wake her up. I quickly moved to the office door and closed it quietly as I answered. Esme was probably the only person in the entire world I would never send to voicemail, no matter what time of day or what I was doing. Not that I was sleeping. I had been going through more reports from the night of the attack, trying to make sense of something. Things were just not lining up. I had to be missing something.

Before I even made it back to my desk, I could hear the tears in her voice. It broke me that she was trying to hide them from me. I love Esme more than I could imagine loving anyone else in the world. I don’t think that will ever change, even though everyone says I will feel differently if I find my mate. They don’t know how much I dread the day I actually find my mate.

Realizing we couldn’t be together was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Endless hours of training and breaking down my body, the mental and physical exertion that comes from training to be the alpha of a pack, and I would take it all a hundred times over to have that one thing changed.

Hearing her crying, I was already back through the door of my office and out of the entrance to my little apartment. I walked up the stairs that I only had access to, down the hall, and made my way into the beta quarters. Staying with her mom made it easier to go to her without question. No one would see me sneaking into her place, the rumors had already spread like wildfire through the pack since she came home. And even more so after her argument with Emily at the game night. I kept her on the phone as I quickly made my way to her and slipped into her room. I hung up the phone as I entered the room. She turned to look at me, sitting up in her bed. Her hair was all over the place and her make-up from yesterday smeared under her eyes. She was still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

The covers fell down her chest as she sat up and I saw she was wearing one of my old t-shirts. It shocked me that she still had it, much less still wore it. My c**k twitched seeing her like that. I tried to shift my focus to calm down. I looked around the room, I hadn't been in here in almost four years now. It's exactly like I remembered it. Her small twin-sized bed still sat in the middle of the room, a chair hung from the ceiling in the corner that was completely full of stuffed animals. Pictures lined the mirror over her dresser. I noticed the only change. There are no longer pictures of me on that mirror. I don't know why I expected them to still be there, but it hurt that they were gone. She erased me from this room. A room I had spent as much time in growing up as I did my own. That was my fault.

“Lucas, what are you doing here?” she asked, wiping the tears from her face and drawing my attention back to her.

“You needed me,” I answered, moving to the bed to sit beside her. I could hear her breath hitch. How could I make her feel like I wouldn’t be here if she needed me? I scooted closer to her, pulling her into my arms. Her face moved to my chest, and I felt her body racking with tears as she let herself really cry. I pulled her legs around and cradled her in my lap. I groaned internally when I realized she was only wearing panties under the shirt. I knew she had to feel the hardness instantly on her ass as I tried to shift her so it was less noticeable.

Her body relaxed against me. Her breathing slowed after a while. I buried my face in her hair and breathed deeply. I needed this as much as she did. Her scent refreshed my soul. I pressed my lips to her forehead, then scooted over on the bed to pull her toward me. I laid down and tucked her into my body, surrounding her small frame. I haven’t laid like this with her for so long. It felt so good, just one night couldn’t hurt. I couldn't allow myself to make this a habit, it would be so easy to slip back into our old habits and I have to make sure that doesn't happen. I have to keep her safe. I refuse to allow her to end up like my mom.

I could feel her ass up against me. I cursed myself for not thinking it through. I know she has nothing more than a thin t-shirt and panties on and I only wore the athletic shorts I had on before she called. This was going to be a long night. This girl could turn me on by wearing absolutely anything. This is just plain torture. I have to get it together. This is not what I came here for.

She is obviously exhausted and not coping well. I should have been here all along. She shouldn't have had to ask for help. No matter how hard it was for me, she deserved better. She finally came home. She finally gave me a chance to fix things and I failed her once again. I was so afraid that she would blame me for her dad that I couldn’t face her. What a coward. I buried myself in work to ignore the fact that she needed me. Granted, I did have a lot on my plate lately, but it was no excuse. My dad should be back to one hundred percent soon and I would have a bit more free time. I need to make sure I check in on her more often. I haven’t been able to sleep much since the night he died, but wrapped around her I found myself drifting off in no time.