Fate of the Alpha's Mate

Chapter 10

Esme

Before my dad died, we talked about getting back into training. I was a little rusty and out of shape from living a human lifestyle for so long and he wanted to make sure I stayed sharp. After the attack, I knew I needed to do it even more than before. But I couldn’t bring myself to step on the training grounds without him. I decided to take small steps. I could start running again. I could run around the territory and not have to step foot on the training grounds. I can start hitting the gym and building my strength. Eventually, I will have to train to fight again, but this will have to do for now.

My mom agreed to finally go stay with my Aunt Lacey for a while. She said she needed some space to pack up a few things. I knew she needed some time to say goodbye, so I told her I had some errands to run. Tomorrow I will go back and pack up the rest of the house and clean it up for Jackson so that she won’t have to deal with it. It wouldn't be much easier for me, but I wanted to take care of it for her.

I came off of the trail at the back of the packhouse and slowed my pace to lower my heart rate and cool off before I made my way home for a shower. I was finally going to be able to shower in my house and sleep in my big comfy bed again. Getting out of the packhouse had more than one perk. I needed space from Lucas too.

My savings were quickly dwindling, and I needed to focus on actually finding a job. I saw several jobs that looked intriguing, but most of them would involve working for Lucas and that just is not something I think I can deal with. We seem to have formed some sort of weird friendship, but I am not sure how long that will last. I haven’t heard from him again for a few days. I'm not sure we will ever get back to a normal friendship. This hot and cold thing he had going was getting old and driving me crazy.

Besides, I need to find something of my own. I was toying with the possibility of opening a bookstore in the pack. We had a bookstore that I loved just outside of the pack, but it was run by a witch and our pack didn’t really get along well with witches, so most people stayed away. I've always loved to read and sharing that with the pack would make me happy, also passing on a little piece of my dad. He gave me my love of reading. I would love for the store to have a laid-back feel. Big comfy chairs and little reading nooks. Maybe even a small library for people to share and trade some books. A coffee shop would complete my plan with a little bakery. People could grab a cup of coffee, or a pastry and curl up with a good book for hours. It would be more than just a*****e. It would be a hangout.

Lost in thought, I didn’t even notice that Emily was stomping her way toward me until she was only about ten feet away and I had no escape. “This is all your fault, you know?” she snapped at me as she closed the last few feet between us.

Just let me snap her neck and get it over with, Selene growled.

We can't just kill her because she's annoying, I laughed at her. “What did I do this time, Emily?” I sighed heavily. I don’t have time for this. I have way more important things to take care of and very little patience for her. Maybe Selene wasn't so far off.

"You know exactly what you did,” she sneered, twisting her perfect little face into a scowl.

“Okay, if I say I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did, will you move along?” I asked her, irritated. I really didn't want to stand here and debate or argue with her.

“The entire pack knows by now. You cannot possibly think I believe that you don’t,” she snapped, rolling her eyes at me. Pack gossip was something I tried not to be a part of. I don't listen to it and I try not to be a part of it, even more so when it involves her.

“Well, I don’t. And honestly, I don’t care whatever drama you have going on today. I have not seen your boyfriend so good luck with whatever it is you think I know or did,” I told her, frustration lacing my tone. I tried to move around her, but she sidestepped, blocking my path.

“He broke up with me.” She glared at me accusingly.

“Still, not my problem,” I told her, moving again to go around her.

“He never would have done this if you had just stayed gone.” She said, stepping back in my way.

“I had absolutely nothing to do with whatever happened between you. If there was an issue, maybe you should look at your behavior. If I know anything about Lucas, it’s that he does not tolerate drama.” I snapped, losing my patience quickly.

“There was no drama before you showed up,” she whined in that pathetic tone she had. Constantly playing the victim has to be exhausting.

“Doubtful. If you weren’t such a hateful b***h then he might have stuck it out,” I snapped at her. I've had enough of her for a lifetime and I do not need to take her s**t. “Now, if you will excuse me,” I added a little calmer and tried to step around her again.

“You just think you are so perfect,” she snarled.

“First of all, you need to watch your tone. Second of all, I have never once looked down on a single wolf in this pack. I actually kind of wanted to like you. It would have made things easier for Lucas and me. You don’t seem to have one redeeming quality though. I couldn’t wrap my head around what he even saw in you in the first place,” I told her, pushing past her.

“You will regret this, Esme. I promise,” she called after me but I just kept walking.

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I hadn’t considered when my mom agreed to move in with Aunt Lacey, I would need to pack everything up for the move. She was doing a little better lately, but I knew she couldn’t handle going through all of their things. It was hard enough for me. Kenzie offered to help, but I needed to do this alone. Alpha Tyler said my mom could stay here as long as she needed, but I need her to get out of here. I didn’t want her to be alone, but I felt like being here was suffocating me and I don’t think it was good for her either. I spent the last three hours packing up boxes and loading them into piles by the door according to where they would go.

I had taken most of my things when I went to school, but I still had a few boxes of stuff left. I had piles of boxes to donate, boxes that needed to go with my mom and boxes that would need to be put in storage until she decided if she would move into the place my dad had been working on for them when he retired. My parents have lived in the beta suite longer than I have been alive. The memories were endless. Luckily, my mom was never a hoarder, so there wasn’t much to get rid of.

Lucas spent a lot of time in our suite growing up too. His dad was usually busy running the pack and their businesses. Lucas’s mom died when we were toddlers. So, my mom tried her best to fill that void for him. Going through everything not only made me grieve my dad more, but also the closeness I had lost with Lucas. I thought that I had come to terms with it and made peace that it would never be the same. I felt stupid for hoping that him staying with me a few nights ago would change anything, make him miss me too. But I haven’t seen him since, even though he broke up with the wicked witch apparently. How do you live in the same house with someone and never see them? It was obviously intentional. So much for him being here for me. I sighed heavily and tried to push him out of my mind.

Tomorrow is the gala. As much as I don’t want to go, I pray that I will find my mate. If I found my fated mate, then maybe I could move on and forget about everything that I had planned for my life. The thing is, I’ve been to several of these, and it hasn’t happened, so I don’t want to get my hopes up. I heard footsteps coming and moved to the door. Kenzie never listened, so I don’t know why I expected her to this time. I rolled my eyes and swung open the door.

“I don’t need help,” I said as the door opened. I looked up to see Lucas standing there. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were Kenzie. Did you need something?” I asked, trying to sound as indifferent as possible, though I knew he could hear my heart pounding. As much as I didn’t want Kenzie here, I wanted Lucas here even less. I couldn't decide how to feel about him. Whether I could deal with this sometimes friendship that he seems to be offering or not.

“I um,” he began and looked around at the boxes. “I heard you were up here packing,” he finished and stepped inside.

“I am,” I shook my head and moved to grab another empty box.

“Why don’t you guys just stay?” he asked, following me back into the living room.

“We can’t. And Jackson will take over soon and need it anyway.” I tried to be logical. I didn’t want to sit here and debate this with him.

“He could stay in one of the guest suites for a while. He doesn’t need an entire family suite just for him and Gwen.” He tried to reason as he watched me move around the room. I could feel his eyes following me but I tried to ignore it.

“I need to get back to my house anyway and I don’t want my mom here alone,” I replied while filling the box with things I had set aside for my house.

“Why don’t you have Kenzie move in here with you guys?” He pushed as he sat on the couch and started looking through photos that I had laid on the coffee table. My mom seemed to have pictures stuffed everywhere. A few of the frames I packed had stacks of pictures behind the one showing.

“No, I want to be in my house. Why do you even care?” I asked, annoyed. How dare he ignore me and then come along like he has a say in what I do.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He furrowed his brow.

“It means I have been living here for almost three weeks and I have seen you exactly twice,” I snapped. He was driving me insane with his hot and cold attitude. One minute he was completely ignoring me and the next he was showing up in my room and defending me to his girlfriend.

“I’ve been busy,” he defended himself. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us. I have things to do, Lucas. If you don’t need anything, I would like to get back to it.” I snapped as I tossed the last thing in the box and taped it down.

“Don’t be like that, Essie.” He softened his tone and tried to use the nickname he called me sometimes growing up. I knew he was doing it to calm me, but it only fueled my anger.

“No, you don’t get to call me that. We are not those people anymore.” I lifted the box and turned back to put it with the small pile of my things.

“You aren’t being fair,” he said and jumped up to grab the box from me. “Where do you want this?” he asked, I pointed, and he placed it in the pile I indicated while I poundered my response.

“I don’t think you want to talk about fairness with me,” I finally exploded, my temper flaring as I stomped back into the living room.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, following me.

“You know what’s not fair?" I snapped, whirling around to look at him. "It’s not fair that, just because I’m not your fated mate, you decided we can’t be friends either. It’s not fair that you made me wait to be with you until we knew so we didn’t ruin our friendship, but it got ruined anyway. It’s not fair that you started dating someone that is also not your mate. It’s not fair that you used her as an excuse to further ignore me. It’s not fair that you think that after years you can just walk in here and have an opinion on my life. It’s not fair that now you can’t decide if you actually want to be my friend or not. It's not fair that I am still completely in love with you!” My breath heaved and fat, hot tears ran down my face. Lucas walked over and cupped my face in his large hands, using his thumb to wipe away the tears. “Life is not fair, Lucas,” I added softly as the tears flowed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never meant to hurt you, Essie.” He licked his lips and bit down on his bottom lip. “I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to live without you,” he confessed.

“That’s just it, Lucas. You didn’t have to. You chose to,” I snapped and turned away from him. I already said way more than I should have.

“I didn’t choose to,” he whispered, grabbing my arm to stop me and turning me back toward him. “But having you so close to me and not being able to claim you, to make you mine. It was driving me crazy. Every time we were together, all I could think of was if I could just kiss you one time, have you just one time, I could die happy.” He clenched his jaw, and I knew he was fighting Kiko for control as well as fighting his emotions. Why couldn’t he have told me all of this before? Knowing that I was not alone in all of this, I’m not crazy changed everything.

“So why didn’t you?” I whispered, looking at his lips, begging him to give in. If I'm going to lose him anyway, it didn’t matter. Being friends just didn’t seem to be an option anymore. We couldn’t seem to find that boundary. Things were so much easier when we were teenagers, our relationship never needed definition. There wasn’t constant tension between us. We were comfortable in who we were together.

His lips crash against mine and I felt his tongue pushing forward, demanding entrance. I gladly obliged and pulled him against me. My heartbeat was so fast I thought it might burst from my chest. His scent filled me up, intoxicating me. I could feel my arousal soaking me already. I laced my fingers through his hair. I've waited for this moment my entire life. I couldn’t get close enough to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt my back slam into the wall as he continued his assault on my mouth. I could feel his erection against me through his pants. I groaned in pleasure. I dreamt about this moment more times than I could count, and it was more than I ever could have imagined.

I tugged at his shirt, wanting to feel him against me as his mouth began tracing kisses down my neck. He pulled back just long enough for me to pull it over his head and throw it on the floor. His hands gripped my ass holding me against him. I pulled at my own shirt and pulled it over my head. His eyes fell on my breasts, a growl vibrated in his throat. I reached behind us and unclasped my bra quickly, letting it fall to the floor. His hands came up to cup me in his rough palms, fingertips grazing over my n****e. He continued to run kisses down my neck, over my marking spot. My p***y contracted with the desire pulsing through me. I began to grind myself into the bulge of his erection through his jeans.

Suddenly, he pulled back gasping for air. He pushed my thighs, still wrapped tightly around him. I let my legs drop to the ground. “Esme, we can’t do this.” Tears instantly stung my eyes. This moment was everything I had ever wanted, beyond any dream I could have imagined, and even that wasn’t enough for him. “Once would never be enough for me,” he added, his voice tight with emotion as he backed away and reached the floor for our clothes. He reached out, handing me my bra and shirt, maintaining his distance.

“It doesn’t have to be.” I cried, moving toward him, but he took a step back.

“No, you deserve so much better than this.” He turned and walked out of the door without another word.

I wrapped my arms around myself and allowed the tears to fall. I managed to get everything I ever wanted and lose it all within fifteen minutes. What did he even mean I deserve better? I couldn’t imagine a world where anything felt better than that did. I would never want anyone more than I wanted him. Selene whimpered in my head. How did everything get so messed up? How could I make him see that the Moon Goddess was wrong, and we could make our own choices? Knowing he wanted me too made this so much harder.