Fate of the Alpha's Mate

Chapter 4

Lucas



Since Esme came back Emily has become almost intolerable. Her paranoia is at an all-time high. The stress of self-perceived competition has made her even more disrespectful and insufferable. Esme and I have yet to even speak or even be in the same room. I can’t imagine how she will act if we are able to become friends again. I know I need to just go ahead and break up with her, but I can’t bring myself to deal with it. It isn’t just breaking up with her, it’s everything that comes with it. There is no love lost between us. But the expectation of finding my mate would come. There is a gala for unmated wolves coming up and I don’t want to have to deal with it, among other things. The timing is also not great. I'm supposed to be officially taking over the pack soon and starting rumors and gossip about why we broke up, along with the timing of Esme just getting home would not be great.

I think going for a run is going to become suspicious soon if it hasn’t already. Not that I'm not actually going for a run, Kiko has needed to run off a lot of energy lately and I have been training pretty hard with Jackson and Kyle too. Today I decided to take a run again through an area we had set up for training with an obstacle course designed to help our agility in our human form. I've been out here a while now and though the air would be chilly for humans, I was only in a pair of athletic shorts and breaking a sweat.

I could feel someone watching me as I made my way along the course, but I continued to push through ignoring whoever it was. I was about halfway through before her scent hit me, stopping me dead in my tracks. That orange blossom and vanilla with just a hint of amber, a scent I will never forget. The one that I have longed to be with for far too long. I turned quickly and saw Esme standing at the beginning of the course. Our eyes connected. Her green eyes felt like they saw right into my soul. I prayed that she couldn’t. My heartbeat quickened. I stood frozen, unsure if I should go to her or not.

Go Kiko urged.

What if she doesn’t want to see us? I asked him, torn.

Just go, he scoffed, irritated with me. My feet slowly started to move toward her. I wondered if she was going to turn and walk away. I think she was considering it by the hesitation I saw in her eyes. But as I got closer, she squared her shoulders as if she was bracing herself. I smiled, that’s the Esme I knew. No fear, straighten up and face whatever it is. She was never one to back down from a fight, not even one she would lose.

“Hey,” she whispered as I approached her. She was obviously here to train. She was wearing nothing more than a sports bra and a pair of tiny shorts. Her thick, dark chestnut hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She was beautiful as a teenager, but it was obvious she wasn’t a teenager anymore. She filled out that sports bra a lot better than I remembered for starters. Her features had changed ever so slightly in her face, her hair had grown longer. I didn’t know that it was possible, but she was even more beautiful now.

“Hey,” I smiled. “I can go,” I offered, seeing her chewing her lip. I knew was a nervous habit of hers, but it made my c**k twitch. I wonder if my body will always respond to her like this, involuntarily longing for her.

“It’s okay. I knew I'd eventually run into you.” She sighed, looking at the ground. “I didn’t mean to stare at you. I was just caught off guard, it’s been a while.” She fumbled her words and I saw a blush hit her cheeks. She still responded to me too.

“It’s fine. I missed you too.” I offered, hoping she would take the olive branch. I never would have imagined we would be standing here awkwardly like strangers.

“Don’t,” she sighed, shaking her head. She glanced up at me before looking to the side and kicking the dirt around.

“It’s true. I've missed you every single day for the last four years, Esme.” I desperately needed her to know, and to know it was the truth. I would take her in any way I had to. But I need her in my life. I need her to know how sorry I am. Seeing her again only cemented that I couldn’t lose her again. I can't live in a world that she isn't a part of my life in some way.

“You could've called.” I could hear the hurt in her voice, and it pulled at me like only she could. Guilt and shame ripped through my body hearing her pain on display.

“I didn’t think I had the right to,” I admitted. “I knew why you left, I had to respect that.” When she left, I was a complete mess for weeks. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. When my dad first told me everything, I knew I had to put distance between us. I knew I needed to keep her safe, no matter what it cost me. It was hard to see her, to be with her, and to not tell her everything though. We had told each other everything our entire lives. This couldn’t be her burden to carry though. So, I kept my distance and then she was gone, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I knew that she needed space to heal and I had to give it to her.

“I waited for you to call for months before I realized you weren’t going to.” A tear ran down her face and everything in me wanted to wipe it away. Knowing I'm the one causing her tears hurt even more. I messed up, I know I handled it all badly and I have absolutely no idea how to fix it.

“I couldn’t. There was so much going on that you didn’t understand.” I tried to explain, but how do you explain walking away from your best friend without a word without telling the whole story? A story that I can't share with her.

“And you didn’t try to explain,” she countered. She's right, but it isn’t that I didn’t want to. I couldn’t, and she would never understand that.

“I’m sorry,” I tried, praying it would be enough.

“Are you happy Lucas?” She asked abruptly, looking directly into my eyes.

“I, um well, uh I guess,” I stammered. Only Esme could catch me so off guard I didn’t know how to reply. What kind of question was that anyway? I am happy with some things in my life, sure. There are also things that I would do absolutely anything to change.

“I hear you found your mate.” She said matter-of-factly and it stung. The pain in her eyes, the hurt in the words, and the implication of them.

Uh-oh, Kiko warned, abort. I tried to push him back so I could come up with a good way to reply quickly but nothing would make sense to her, it barely made sense to me and I was living this nightmare.

“Um, Emily. No. I mean yes, we are, um, dating.” I stuttered again. I'm totally messing this up. I didn't want to lie to her but the truth was so complicated. “Are you?” I asked and she stared at me blankly. “Dating, I mean?” Though I knew she hadn’t. Joshua was kind enough to answer when I asked about her over the years. He agreed it was best to keep it from her, despite the distance it caused. So he did what he could to make it easier for both of us.

“No,” she clipped before she stared at me like she didn't know who I was. “I’m going to go.” She sighed and turned away.

“Esme,” I called after her. “It was good to see you,” I added but she didn’t even turn around.

It was good to see you? Kiko laughed at me.

Shut up, I snapped back at him. I don't think that could have gone worse.

Esme

I had to get out of there. When I first walked up and saw him, I couldn’t help myself. I watched as he glided through the course seamlessly. He had grown since I last saw him. He filled out his smaller frame and now he was huge. Sweat ran down his body and highlighted every muscle that was perfectly chiseled. His light brown hair that was short had grown longer and the ends were lighter from hours in the sun. The perfect amount of stubble covered his jawbone. The unkept look worked well for him.

When his icy blue eyes connected with mine, I thought my heart stopped completely. When he moved toward me, I wanted to run, but I couldn’t move because I also desperately wanted to see him. Why I thought bringing up Emily was a good idea is beyond me. She seemed to be everything I was not. I would never have guessed that was what he wanted. I don’t know why it hurt so much even after all this time.

I need to try to move on with my life, he obviously has. Kenzie and I had gone dress shopping a few nights ago. I found the perfect dress. When I tried it on, I instantly knew it was the dress for me. It fit perfectly. Kenzie found a deep red dress that made her look like a Goddess. Even if we didn’t find our mates, we would look good trying. And just maybe Lucas would regret letting me go.

“What’s the hurry?” Kenzie asked. I jumped back at the sound of her voice. I rushed up the stairs so quickly that I didn’t notice her sitting on the porch swing. She was laughing when I finally glared over at her.

“Not funny!” I smiled at her.

“Actually, it was,” she laughed. “What’s up?”

“I ran into Lucas.” I rolled my eyes and dropped my body next to her on the swing. Her eyes went wide, and she held her breath. “I thought it would be a good idea to bring up Emily for some reason.” I pouted. I couldn't seem to help myself.

“I’m guessing that didn’t go well?” She grimaced.

“The whole conversation was a disaster,” I replied, running my hands over my face. “I miss him, Kenz.” She reached over and hugged me from the side.

“I know,” she sighed.

“I hate her. I don’t even know her, and I hate her.” I admitted it’s not even because she sounds awful. It’s because, after all this time, I still love him. That was the hardest part to admit.

“Well, to be fair, she is awful.” She smiled encouragingly at me.

“Hey, Kenz,” Lucas said as he walked up the stairs. “Can we have a minute?” he asked with a sheepish smile. The traitor got up and abandoned me without so much as a word of protest. She smiled at me just before closing the door and disappearing. Lucas watched as she went inside and took a deep breath. “Can we try that again?” he asked hesitantly.

“I’m sorry.” I sighed, looking at him.

“No, I am. Essie, I need you to hear me out. None of this was ever easy. I handled things poorly from the beginning and after I had already dug myself a hole that I didn’t know how to get out of. I just kept telling myself that it was for the best, but that’s not true.” His eyes pleaded with me.

“Luke, I miss you,” I admitted and finally met his eyes. I saw hope and I knew I had to kill it. “But I don’t know how this would work.” How could I watch him with her every day? How could I be friends with him when every part of me was still in love with him? I'm not the same girl I was back then. I don’t even know how a friendship would work now.

“I would like to try,” he sounded desperate.

“We aren’t the same people. We can’t just go back.” I protested despite the hope I felt building inside me as well.

“No, but we can go forward. I’m not expecting much here, but just give me a chance,” he pleaded. His scent was intoxicating. His eyes begging me for a second chance pulled at me. I always had a hard time telling him no.

“Okay,” I agreed hesitantly as my walls crumbled. Afraid to give in to the hope inside of me but more afraid to deny it. “So, where do we start?” I smiled tightly.

“Tell me about school,” he asked. He listened as I rambled on and on about everything that was different there. Talking to him was as easy as breathing. It felt like I was actually breathing for the first time in a long time. I told him about the crazy roommates I had been through, the insane class schedule I kept to finish early, and how hard it was to try to fit in with humans. We usually blended pretty well, but after years of being away from my pack, it was hard. Finding ways to sneak away to let Selene out, hiding my enhanced senses, and just the loneliness of being away. I also made sure I told him about the fun times and friends I made. The parties and different people I met. There were plenty of good times over the years and I’m glad that I did it, but I'm also happy to be home.

He told me about his training and the different things he had learned. He told me about pack events and things I had missed, gossip, and a few friends that had found their mates. Jackson found his mate from a different pack at one of the gatherings that they had, and she lives here now. He assured me that I would love her. I didn’t miss that he carefully avoided the topic of Emily, but I was grateful. I don’t know how this will all work. I don’t know how I will feel seeing them together, but this felt like nothing changed at all.

The sun was setting behind my house and the stars were beginning to shine before we finally realized how much time had gone by.

“I should probably head out,” he said, standing up. “I’m glad you’re back,” he added with a smile.

“Me too.” I watched as he headed toward the packhouse. Talking with him and laughing together felt like coming home. I felt peace in my heart I hadn’t felt in a long time. I knew that we could only dance around our problems for so long before we would have to face them, but for now I was willing to accept it for what it was.