I would die again just to hurt you

Chapter 6

I tried getting up but Rorhena's hand on my chest prevented me from doing so.

"How long have I been asleep?

-Two hours."

Rorhena was staring at me in silence and I started feeling uncomfortable under her gaze. She was looking at me as if she knew what I had seen while I was out. But what had I seen anyway? Those images of Rorhena didn't make any sense. Could so many images have been made by my imagination? But what other explanation could there be? No matter the answer, I knew that I couldn't tell Rorhena about this. I had a huge headache and fainted because of the pain. Anything could have happened and I should forget about it.

I looked around the room and frowned:

"Where is Lenora?"

I knew that my friend wouldn't have left me alone knowing that I was hurt and Rorhena must have thrown her out.

"The doctor said you should rest for a few days."

I rolled my eyes. Rorhena only answered when she wanted to.

"It was only a headache. It happens sometimes."

Rorhena's hand suddenly felt my forehead and I tried escaping it:

"You were always prone to headaches.

-Don't touch me.

-But the weather didn't suddenly change."

I frowned having completely forgotten about Rorhena's hand. How did she know that my head hurt at every weather change? I thought it was weird for a second but then I remembered that it was quite normal for people to have this so I just moved on.

"Don't talk as if you knew me."

I tried getting up again and this time Rorhena let me go.

"Where is Lenora?"

Rorhena didn't answer and just continued staring.

"I want to see my friend."

She stared at me for a few more seconds but I didn't look away and she finished by sighing. She rang a bell and the next second the doors opened and Lenora ran to my bed with red eyes:

"Sela! I was so worried! How are you? What are you doing sitting? The doctor said you should rest for a few days.

-It's only a headache. I feel way better already."

But Lenora quickly shook her head:

"You have to stay in bed until the doctor says you are fine.

-Why wouldn't I be fine? It was just a headache."

I argued for long minutes but the girls weren't yielding so I had to agree that I would stay in bed for a few days. I still didn't understand why I should rest and felt that Rorhena played a role in this but was getting tired just because of this conversation alone.

"While you are in bed, Prince Soma will gladly take Lenora to the best places in town."

Lenora seemed very interested by the idea of spending time alone with her crush but after a second of hesitation she shook her head:

"I am very honored, your Highness. But I would prefer to stay by Sela's side until she is better.

-What could you possibly do to help her? You would only be a disturbance.

-Don't talk to my friend that way."

Rorhena didn't even look at me and continued glaring at Lenora. Her silver eyes turned ice cold and Lenora started shaking from head to toe. She started backing away to the bed but then she took all her courage and said in a tiny voice:

"I will do everything I can to help Sela.

-Why would she need a cowardly human? Leave this room. I only let you in because Vindona wanted to see you.

-I am not Vindona!"

Still ignoring me.

"I am staying!"

I opened wide eyes seeing how determined Lenora could be. Everyone knew how dangerous Rorhena was. Not only because of her status. She was the greatest soldier ever seen in our generation and she wasn't scared of getting blood on her hands. Lenora wouldn't even have time to move, that her head would fly off. I had to admit that I was a bit scared of Rorhena killing my friend so I had to calm things down:

"It's okay, Lenora. Don't mind me and go have fun.

-But...

-I'm really okay."

Rorhena had a very scary smile on her face:

"You could go back to those places again once Sela is better."

Lenora really liked the idea and the next few days she would visit the capital with Prince Soma while I stayed in bed. I thought that I would spend my days resting, eating and reading but that was without counting on Rorhena. She would show up in my room multiple times a day and would sit down in silence next to me while staring at my face. Other times she would bring me fruit, books or ask me how I felt. I was more with Rorhena than alone and at first I was patiently ignoring her but soon got irritated.

When Rorhena came back to my room with a tray of tea, I turned to her with a frown:

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

Rorhena smiled:

"Here.

-I thought a Crown Princess would have less free time than this."

She didn't answer and served me tea in silence. Before handing me the cup she made sure that it wasn't too hot by blowing on it for a few seconds.

"You don't have to come looking after me. I am perfectly fine."

She ignored me and drank tea herself.

"Why would a Crown Princess take care of a nobody?"

She suddenly looked up and I almost dropped my cup. Her eyes pierced me and it felt like she could see my soul.

"Have you had dreams recently?"

My heart skipped a beat. How could she know? After the headache, every time I closed my eyes I would see Rorhena in my dreams. I couldn't sleep peacefully for more than three hours because I would immediately wake up in cold sweats after some visions. I had no idea what was going on but I knew that I couldn't tell her about this. I hated to admit it but the visions I had looked more like memories than dreams. They didn't come in order and most of the time stopped before the main event but all of them would be about me and Rorhena. I didn't see myself in those dreams but the body I was in had my voice so the logical guess was that it was indeed me.

I hadn't told Lenora yet about all this but I already knew what she would say. She would say that Rorhena had told the truth and I was finally gaining back the memories of my past life. But I couldn't accept that. It was crazy. I never wanted a complicated life and was very satisfied with my daily life as it was before I came here. If what I saw was really my past life then everything would be turned upside down. How could I be a dead Goddess? How should I act around Rorhena then? Would that mean that she was the real Goddess too? Goddess of cunning, wisdom, war and victory? I couldn't accept this and decided to wait for the visions to stop. There was also a possibility that I was just exhausted and my mind made up a whole scenario because of all the stupid things Rorhena said.

"Of course I did. Everyone dreams.

-You know that's not what I'm talking about."

I had to change the topic.

"The only thing I know is that you almost killed my friend."

Rorhena didn't answer as if she didn't see anything wrong about that.

"You can't kill her."

Again nothing but I could see in her eyes that she begged to differ.

"She is a very good person and deserves to be treated with respect.

-I only respect those who earned it.

-And who are those people?"

She thought about it for a moment:

"Few.

-And you would kill without a second thought those who didn't earn your trust?

-And if necessary those who did.

-How do you expect me to feel safe around you?

-Are you scared of me?"

I thought about it and was surprised by the answer. Not once had I been scared of Rorhena which wasn't healthy. She was a crazy Crown Princess, the best soldier of five generations. If she wanted she could kill me any second and wouldn't have trouble doing so. How couldn't I be scared of her? As if she had guessed the answer, Rorhena smiled:

"I would never kill you.

-You said you would kill anyone if necessary.

-But not you."

She looked me straight in the eyes when she said it, making sure that I would understand. Her eyes were so sharp that I had to look away and feeling uncomfortable I said the first thing I could think of:

"Was it necessary to kill Vindona too?"