KRYPTONITE

The First Love

It was my first time attending the flag ceremony, so I was nervous. Before, I was a loner with no friends. I just wanted to be alone.

As I looked around at the people around me, I noticed someone staring at me. I was restless.

Our eyes met; it was him. The man on the stage yesterday. I looked away and looked again, but he was still there, looking at me. I could hear my heart beating so fast.

"What is this feeling?" Asking myself. That was my first time. I had so many crushes, but that was different. I seemed to be on a cloud.

"Oh God, is it him?"

I was ecstatic at that moment. I always searched for him every day whenever I went to school and went home in the afternoon. That was my only happiness, deep down inside. I could tell that I was falling for him, and every day it grew bigger. I couldn't help but fall for that one man. He was the ideal type, quite kind and smart. He's just perfect for me.

For me, first love is not just the first boyfriend. This is the one who first made your heart beat spontaneously when you least expected it. You don't need a boyfriend to be called first love.

I didn't tell my friends about him. I hid my feelings for him. But I was praying that we would meet when the time came if now was not the right time for both of us.

I was in my second year of high school, and he was already grad-waiting. He is one year ahead of me, so I call him senior. It was early in the morning. I'm off to school. I rode in a Jeep unexpectedly. He was right there in front of me.

I was nervous and restless in my seat. I feel like I have a stiff neck because my position and vision are only steady. I couldn't look at him. But I was delighted. I was with him the whole ride.

I always looked forward to him every time I went to school. Hoping for a chance to see him and be with him again.

I seemed like a crazy girl, smiling alone. Whenever I ran into him, I was afraid he might hear my own heart beat. I assumed he liked me too; I could see it in his eyes whenever our eyes met.

I still remember how I spent my whole day at school just seeing him from afar. I knew that was the last day I could see his face and didn't know when I would see him again, and I was so glad because I confirmed that he liked me too. One of his friends said, "Hello Fazhy, the one in green," when I passed by. They were teasing him. Yes, he's Fazhy, and he was wearing a green polo shirt, and I was the only one who passed by. Gosh! and to my surprise, I looked to the side of them, and I saw him smiling. I was a little surprised because our eyes met at that moment.

I was like salt that melted as I walked during those times. I was like floating in joy until I got home. They were just surprised because I was dancing and singing songs.

The whole school year ended just like that. Maybe he doesn't even know my name. I hoped we would meet again and maybe we were the end game. Wherever I went, even when I went home from the province, he was the only person I looked for. He was the only man I loved. I did not look at any other man.

I lost hope when he left school to go to college. I prayed that I would see him again at least once. But fate was cruel for both of us.

I always think of him even though he was no longer at school during those days. And I just smiled every time I remembered all the encounters between the two of us. Even that one certain day when I was going home, I caught his eyes simply turning to me.