Within The Pages

The air was sticky and sweet in the blooming summer season. The morning sun sat low in the sky, its warmth just beginning to bleed through her dress. Her feet touched the cool stone of her balcony; the wind whispered its call across her skin, its salty sea taste lingering on her tongue. Her fingers mindlessly traced the moss and grass growing between the grey rocks. Around her, flowers opened in the promise of a new day. Pinks, purples, blues, yellows, and greens all surrounded her. She inhaled the wild and floral smell, a smile falling across her lips. The maids had braided raven hair in an attempt to tame her unruly curls. A light pink nightgown hid most of her body, the fabric on the hem darkening from the morning dew. Her castle overlooked a stunning cliff, appearing as if the earth just decided to end. Its jagged and harsh edge was a stern reminder that no matter how much power she held, time and the elements would claim us all. One could always hear the waves crashing into the shore. Their repetitive and tempestuous motion beckoned her soul for more. More than what she possessed. More than what she could conjure in her wildest imagination. The waves whispered their song in her ear day and night. Reminding her of the one thing she could never have. Freedom.  Morning would always be her second favorite time of day, falling behind the night. Morning. When the world still fell silent around her. No one had spoken to her yet. No one correcting her that she was not sitting up straight enough. That she was using the wrong fork or that her facial expression was giving away yet another emotion. No, not in the bliss of still and quiet daybreak.  "Princess Sadrine!" A voice called, spoiling her alone time.  "I am here, Anna." She said over her shoulder, rolling her eyes in annoyance.  "Your Highness," Anna said, curtseying to Sadrine and bowing her head.  "Good morning, Anna." Sadrine could not find it in her to be angry with Anna, her most trusted and favorite lady-in-waiting.  "Good morning, your highness," Anna said, pulling dresses out of the closet. "The sky is the loveliest shade of blue this morning. Would you like a dress to match?"  "That sounds perfect, thank you," Sadrine answered, walking over to the vanity and waiting for her hair to be done.  Anna ran her delicate fingers through Sadrine's curls. Separating each one and running a blend of oils through her ends.  "I do not know where you got these curls, but they will end me." Anna joked, a small smile playing on her lips. Sadrine smiled in the mirror, her eyes studying her face. It was true that her hair was unlike either of her parents. The king with his soft brown waves and the queen with her straight chestnut lochs. As it was assumed that girls would wear the traits of their mothers, people often told her such, but in truth, she did not. She resembled her father. She carried his strong cheekbones and brow. His oval face and pronounced cupids bow. Her most profound feature was her eyes. The same stormy blue as her father and his father before him.  Anna allowed Sadrine to choose between three jewelry sets before placing them on her. A necklace, matching earrings, and a ring were all situated on her. Rich and luxurious gold highlighted the freckles and birthmarks on Sadrine's skin. Deep and eloquent sapphires nestled into the jewelry, the dark stones shining in natural light.  "How is this, Princess Sadrine?" Anna asked, placing her hands on Sadrine's shoulders.  "Very nice, Anna." Sadrine admired with a smile. "How many times must I ask you to call me Sadie? Sadrine is just so...formal." Sadrine asked, turning to look at Anna over her shoulder.  "You should be proud of your name, your highness. Sadrine was a great queen." Anna countered.  "They are all great kings and queens when the person transcribing their greatness is a servant under the threat of death," Sadrine argued. She stood and walked over to the mirror, waiting for her gown.  "Yes, your highness." Anna conceded. "The king and queen are waiting for you to break their fast," Anna said as she slipped the dress over Sadrine's head. She quickly did the buttons and ties before smoothing her hands over the fabric to ensure it lay flat.  "Well, I must not keep them waiting." Sadrine turned and smiled at Anna before leaving her room and heading to the dining room. The dining room was immaculate and grand, like everything else in the castle. Tapestries of jewel-toned silks, satin, and velvets hung from the walls. Windows let in the air and sunlight on one side. On the opposing side, a large fireplace was carved into the stone. An impossibly long rug framed the large table in the middle of the room. Flowers, plants, and more fabrics decorated the table. Glasses, plates, forks, and spoons were placed precisely from one another. A large iron chandelier full of candles hung above the table. Sadie's heels clicked against the stone floors as she entered the room. She could already smell the buttery and savory biscuits.  "Father. Mother." She greeted her parents with a curtsey.  "Sadrine! Come in, child! Come eat." Her father, King Fredrick, welcomed her warmly. Sadrine smiled at her father before sitting in the middle of the table.  "A most agreeable morning, is it not?" Her mother said while slicing a piece of cantaloupe.  "It is." Sadrine agreed, picking up her knife and fork.  "You look rather beautiful today." Queen Clara said kindly.  "As do you, my queen," Sadrine answered politely.  "Beautiful enough to secure a marriage." Queen Clara said, her voice never leaving out the slight bitterness. Sadrine let a long breath leave her lungs before she gave the queen a tight-lipped smile.  "Mother," Sadrine said with a sigh.  "Clara, let us eat in peace, please." King Fredrick pleaded with his wife.  "She is twenty and five. She must wed. We can not delay any further. The kingdom depends on the insurance of an heir." Queen Clara argued, her earrings shaking with her head as she became angrier.  "Clara. She will marry when I say. It is not necessary at this moment." The king said sternly, sending a wink Sadie's way before returning to his food.  The rest of the day passed quickly. Sadrine entertained herself with tea and a walk in the garden. She practiced her needlework, creating a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her stitching. She was changed again into a more formal dress before supper. A royal and ornate gown, purple in color, with gold lace decorating the bodice. Amethyst jewelry was donned onto her once more. Jewels and ribbons were added to her hair.  All throughout supper, Sadie could feel the weighted glare from her mother. She clearly wanted to bring marriage into the conversation again but knew better than to upset the king.  After her meal, Sadie returned to her room, where she was again changed into her nightgown. Anna removed her jewelry and undid her hair, braiding it tightly. Everything was placed back into its drawer or hung on its hook, and Sadie was finally left alone for the night. Her body visibly relaxed when the door shut behind Anna.  She stepped onto her balcony and closed her eyes in peace. Finally, she was free of them. The peering eyes. The watchful gazes that never ceased. She could slouch. She could breathe fully and wholly. Gone were the endless words of manners and royalty, slipping from her mind like water off a roof. A genuine smile played on her lips as she relished in the stillness.  The moon hung full in the sky, its milky light bathing everything in its iridescent glow. Clouds moved over it on their unpredictable and untold path. On nights like this, when the moon took up so much of the atmosphere, she could feel the ache in her chest. She could swear the moon would howl to her burning spirit. Her tied and bound essence pulled against imaginary ropes. She coveted the moon. How it could wax and wane in its feminine indulgence. Owing nothing to the world but mystery and secrets. Keeping all the lost and quiet phantoms of people tucked safely away in its darkest crevices. The moon could simply be. It does not wear a crown or fancy cloaks. It does not boast of having divine blood chosen by God himself. No, the moon sits in the sky and waits. It waits for darkness to radiate in depth and emotion. She could feel it within her. She was made for something else. She was more than this life could offer. She was no mear queen. She was beyond.  The night air held onto the last of the day's heat, its melody playing in the swaying trees. The crickets were loud that night, their song battling the crashing water. Sadie listened to the waves raging against the cliffs, her mind wandering as it often did. She leaned on her elbow, placing her chin in her hand, and blew a frustrated sigh out of her lungs. Sadie knew she should forget her mother's words. Knew she should move on and go to bed, but her overactive thoughts swam within her. Perhaps it was that she knew her mother was right. The kingdom and her father's line did need an heir. As much as it pained her to admit, one day, she would have to marry. From the time she was a little girl, Sadie longed for a sibling. A brother would be best, but she wished for anyone else who could tackle this role. Someone who wanted to carry this forced obligation for the rest of their life. The weight of a nation was a heavy one. She had watched what it did to her father. The dark circles around his eyes. His head never sat entirely right anymore, as if the crown never left him. He was once fun. He used to be giving and caring, and now he was just a shell of his former self. This cumbersome power was hers and hers alone. There was no one else to pass it to. She lived in a constant state of war within herself. Her rebellious and headstrong nature combated with her obligation. She could not refuse her duty no matter how much she wanted to.  Sadie moved into her room and lay down in bed, the soft sheets wrapping her into them. She closed her eyes and begged for sleep, asking it to take her away from her thoughts. No matter how much she tossed and turned, the peaceful calm never came. Frustration started to build, and she relented that sleep was not coming soon. Sadie grabbed her lantern and made her way down the winding and expansive halls of the castle. Finally, she entered the library. She had always found solace in books. Their warm, earthy smell filled her nose as their tales of adventure and exploits saturated her soul. Always able to provide what her life could not. Escape.  She walked through the library, closing her eyes and thinking of what kind of book she would like to read. Her fingers traced the spines of many books, their titles falling unexciting. Her hand hovered over one novel when she heard it. It began as almost a whisper. A soft and slow build of words filled her ears.  "Hello," Sadie said softly, her whisper sounding loud against the quiet room. There was no answer. Her brows stitched together on her forehead.  "Is someone there?" She asked a little louder.  The voice became more vociferous in her ears, and it was then that she realized it was not in the room. If someone had been standing right next to her, they could not hear it. It was in her mind. There was something about it that felt familiar. Like a song from a distant childhood memory, the melody soothing but the lyrics forgotten. Sadie shook her head, knowing this was not real. Her heart rate began to quicken, a cool sweat coating her skin. She swallowed thickly and started walking away, not wanting to know further. A trickle ran down her spine, and apprehension settled into her gut.  "No. No. No. I do not want it." She whispered to herself. Slowly shaking her head, she backed out of the room.  "I can not want it." She clarified, realizing how drawn she felt to this voice. It was almost as if a rope had been tied around her waist and was yanking her toward it.  She closed her eyes and tried to drown out the call. Its unintelligible words grew louder and more agitated. A resonating buzz began in her chest. As if someone had hit a piano key against her sternum. Sadie placed her hand between her breasts and took a shuttering breath. She knew she should turn and run as fast as she could back into the safe warmth of her bed. Knew that this was wrong. But she could not shake this feeling. She had to know. She must heed this cry.  She shuffled her feet, feeling the buzz grow stronger within her. As she moved, the feeling inside dictated her direction, building in intensity when she was going the correct way and depleting slightly when she misstepped. It led her toward the oldest and tallest shelf; her hand came up to move over the wood frame. It led her lower and lower until she crouched on all fours, her ear pressed into the floor. That's when she noticed an extra piece of wood on the bottom shelf. A breath of disbelief left her parted lips. Her fingers moved over the wood, looking for some kind of release. She felt a tag of fabric. Quickly, she threw all the books off the shelf. Her hands were not able to grab them fast enough. The buzz was practically vibrating her entire body. The voice bounced off her skull.  She tugged on the fabric, the wood creaking from the excursion. It gave. A hole had been carved into the shelf, and a book lay perfectly in its place. Sadrine lifted her lantern for a better look. She slowly moved her hand toward the book. Electricity charged through her chest and radiated down her arms. Carefully, she grazed the mysterious book with just the pads of her fingertips. The voice ceased as soon as her touch moved over the leather cover. The buzz quieted. The world fell away. As she lifted the book to her face for further inspection, an all-encompassing feeling of purpose settled into her being. Fitting into her skin like a nesting doll.  Sadrine traced the pattern on the front cover. It looked familiar to her. Her palm ran over the book in one sweep to clear some dust. The black leather was a dark contrast to the gold-raised impression. There was only one word on the cover. She narrowed her eyes in thought. She had never seen this language before. It looked ancient and abandoned.  "Forbidden," The voice whispered to her. Sadie gasped, her hand flying to cover her mouth. Her hand trembled as she slowly lowered it back to the book. Her breath came in ragged and erratic. This was blasphemy. Treason. She swallowed and quickly stood, intending to put the book away and never think of it again.  The moon caught her eye out of the floor-length window in the library. The feeling began to build again. That she was made for more. That this life was not her true path. The book started to feel warm within her grasp. Sadrine stared at the moon for a beat before kneeling back down.  "I am sorry, Father." She said before her fingers slipped under the front cover.