Finding Home

The Couple-Pt 2

As I walked out the door, Carter and Addison stood up. I looked over at them, watching as Addison held on to Carter’s arm. They both looked sad, worried, they probably think that I already hate them so much that I cried at just the thought of going with them. We stood there in the hallway for a minute, quietly watching the boys play on the carpet, before I started to speak.

“I’m sorry for my reaction in there… it wasn’t because of you.” I said, embarrassed. I couldn’t get myself to look at them as I spoke, so I stared at my feet. I nervously started to wring my fingers together, rambling as I continued. “It wasn’t a fair reaction to you. But if you are still okay with it, I’d like to have a second chance…even though I don’t deserve it. I’d understand if you changed your minds.”

For a few seconds, neither of them answered. I finally looked up. Addison was watching me with tears still lingering in her eyes, but Carter was looking directly at me for the first time since we’d entered the office. His expression wasn’t angry anymore.If anything, he looked sad.

“Lily,” he finally said. I waited. “You don’t have to apologize.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. “I kind of do.”

He shook his head. “No.” His voice was quiet, almost hesitant. “If I were in your position, I’m not sure I’d react any differently.”

I stared at him. That wasn’t what I expected him to say. “You’re not mad?”

“Mad?” He almost seemed confused by the question. I shrugged.

“I cried because I thought I had to leave. You probably think I don’t want to go with you.”

Carter looked down for a moment before taking a slow breath. “I think you don’t want to get hurt again.” My chest tightened, I didn’t answer. He glanced toward Addison before looking back at me. “And I don’t blame you for that.” There was something about the way he said it that made me believe him. Not completely. But enough.

“Mommy,” I heard a voice whisper, making me lift my head. The older boy, Landen, was now at his mom’s feet, tugging at her shirt. “Mommy…who is that?”

I stared hard at my feet, scared of how she might respond. In the past, when this question was asked, it was always answered the same way. “Just our new foster kid.” Or That’s Lily, she’s going to live in our house for a little while.” Or the worst one. “Don’t worry about it.” And to make it worse, it was normally followed with complaints of having to share their toys or their bedroom or something along those lines.

“That’s Lily.” I heard Addison start. Here we go. “She’s your big sister.”

I felt tears well up in my eyes, hearing the last words that I expected to come out of her mouth. I blink back the tears, before looking up and meeting her eyes. She was no longer holding onto Carter’s arm, but was holding her son’s hand instead, a kind smile on her face. I must’ve looked surprised because she nodded her head as if to verify what she had said.

“Really?” I heard Landen say excitedly, jumping up and down on the balls of his feet. He ran over to me, hugging my legs tightly. “So you’re coming to live with us?”

“Would that be okay?” I chuckled, struggling to keep my balance as he jumped up and down, pulling on my legs. He nodded his head, a big smile covering his face. “Well than I guess I am.” I tried to take a step but almost tripped instead. “But…I’m going to need my legs back if I’m going to go and pack.”

“Okay…I guess you can have them back.” He shrugged his shoulders, a sad look on his face, before he replaced it with a smile. “Haha I tricked you, I’m not sad, I’m so happy!!” He laughed, jumping up and down again before taking his dad’s hand.

“Do you need any help packing?” Addison asked, looking hopeful. I was going to turn her offer down, knowing that I just wanted a few minutes to see all of the girls. But after the way that I reacted in the office, and seeing the look on her face now, I couldn’t say no.

“Well, because it’s a girls home, boys aren’t allowed back there, but you can come.” I suggested, looking over at Carter who still has yet to say anything. Although he no longer seems angry, I couldn’t read his emotions anymore. It’s like they are so conflicting that he doesn’t even know what he is feeling. But Addison is the complete opposite, so happy and smiling.

Addison nodded in reply as she took a step away from the boys. “We’ll meet you in the dining room shortly.” Addison said, giving Carter a kiss before turning back around and followed me back to my room.

As I opened the bedroom door, I saw all of the girls now sitting in a circle on the floor, focused on a game that they had started. However, as I walked in they all looked up, pausing their game. “What happened? You were in there awhile.” Bella, a 15 year old asked, concern etched across her face, as well as everyone else’s. I pointed behind me as Addison entered the room behind me. “I have another family.” I said.

“Really!?” Paige yelled. Her eyes flew wide open as she ran and gave me a big hug. When she let go and turned around, the smile faded from her face, seeing the sadness on the face of each of the other girls. While most of the girls were like Paige when it came to getting a new family, all of us knew what that meant. “Wait…” Paige turned around, tears brimming her eyes. “So you’re leaving?” She asked quietly.

I nodded my head as silent tears started falling down her cheeks. “Hey.” I said quietly, picking her up in my arms and holding her tight. She tried to bury her head in my shoulder so I couldn’t see her crying, but I could still feel her shaking in my grasp. “Hey…” I tapped her back. “Look at me.” After a minute Paige lifted her head, her bottom lip quivering as more tears slid down her cheeks.

“Okay miss ma’am, I’m going to need to you to stop crying before you make me cry. We can’t do that right now! So you need to put in that bottom lip…” I said, pretending to have a serious tone with her. She let out a giggle and she wiped away her tears on her sleeve. Although she had stopped crying, I could tell she was still fighting off the tears.

“You see this nice lady over there?” I pointed at Addison and Paige nodded her head. “I’m going to go and live with her family now. But…” she started to hide her face in my shoulder again as tears started to fall. I pulled her back a little bit so she could hear what I needed to say. “But this is not goodbye okay. You’re going to see me again. You can’t get rid of me that easy.” I laughed, getting a small laugh out of her as well.

“So you can still come to visit?” I looked over at Addison, who nodded her head, a sad smile now replacing the big grin that had previously been there.

“Of course I will.” I whispered to her.

She tapped on her chin, the tears that were once there now just a memory. “Then…Okay.” She said triumphantly, like she’d just won an argument. I placed her back on her feet and continued towards my bed with Addison close behind.