Finding Home

It’s dinner time and I’m sitting at the table with mommy. But the table is empty tonight. Daddy isn’t here. I looked over at his seat, I even made a plate for him, but he didn’t come. My tummy was nervous and I couldn’t eat my food, I just moved it around my plate over and over. When I looked at mommy, she had her head down on the table. I know she is crying, but she doesn’t want me to know. “Mommy,” I started. She looked up at me, her cheeks wet from her tears. “Mommy, where’s daddy?” She started crying harder, and I start to feel bad. “I’m sorry, mommy. I don’t want you to cry.” I put my hands on my face and my hands get wet. I’m crying too. “It’s okay, baby. It’s not your fault. I…I don’t know where daddy is. But it’s okay, mommy is here.” I remember this morning mommy and daddy were acting weird. They weren’t talking very much, and when they did, I had to cover my ears…it was really loud. Then, mommy said we needed food from the store, but daddy didn’t want to come. But that’s okay. Daddy said that shopping was just for girls, and boys fix things. So me and mommy went to the store and bought stuff. She even bought me a new teddy bear. I named her Honey. When we got home, daddy was waiting outside of his truck. I ran to him real fast and showed him Honey. He smiled and talked to Honey like she was a real life person. It was funny. Then, daddy opened the door on his big truck and picked me up. I love daddy’s truck, it’s so big and it has a special seat just for me. Daddy calls it my throne because I’m his princess. I climbed in and put on my royal sash. Daddy doesn’t want me to fall off my throne. Then daddy climbed in too and put on his sash. He’s the king. I put Honey in the seat next to me, she can be the royal teddy bear. Now we only need mommy. She’s the queen. But she didn’t get in. She went to daddy’s door and told me that I need to get out, I had to stay at home with her. But daddy said no, he told me to stay then he took off his royal sash and got out of the truck. That’s when mommy and daddy started acting weird again. I covered my ears and daddy closed the door, mommy looked really mad. Like she does when I do a bad thing. And daddy looks really sad. Then daddy opened the door and told me to get out of my princess seat because I had to stay with mommy. Daddy was crying but he gave me the biggest hug in the whole wide world. He was getting my hair all wet. “Daddy!” I laughed, pushing him away. “I’m all wet now!” I yelled, showing him my hair and dress. Daddy laughed a little and said he was sorry. But I told him it was okay and used my hands to wipe his face. “You’re silly, daddy! You don’t have to cry. I will still be here when you get back! And then we can watch a princess movie together!!!” Daddy started laughing and gave me another big hug. “I love you, my little princess!” Daddy kissed my cheek and climbed back in his truck. “I love you more, daddy! To the moon and back!” I yelled. Mommy pulled me into the house and I watched daddy drive away. I woke up, hot tears streaming down my face, drenching my pillow. Frustrated, I sat up, trying to ignore the images of my mom and faceless dad filling my head. I tried to ignore just how real that dream was, a much more vivid memory than I’m used to. I’ve been having dreams like those for years, becoming more and more vivid and real as time passes. The only constant being that I can never remember my dad’s face. I looked around the giant room, searching for anyone who could have seen me crying again. But I found no one. No one in the “public” bathroom area. No one in the bunk beds lining the room… no one in sight. I wiped my eyes and ran my hands through my messy brown hair. I walked to the vanity and tried to fix myself before someone saw, but when I looked in the mirror, I froze. I was wrong… someone had already seen me. There on the top bunk of bed four was a girl, at first concealed by blankets and pillows. I already know a little bit about her. Her name is Kaitlyn and she’s been here for about six years now. “Are you okay?” she asked, putting down her Nicholas Sparks’ romance novel. “Yeah…yeah…I’m fine.” I lied. I tried to fix my hair again, but still coming up unsuccessful. “Are you sure?” she asked cautiously, I could tell she wasn’t sure if she should continue. “It’s just,…I walked to the bathroom about half an hour ago and saw you crying.” “It was just a bad dream.” I replied, slightly shrugging my shoulders as I turned and returned to bunk one, my bed. “Yeah, I’ve had my fair share of those…” she said, climbing down from her top bunk. “Monsters, bad people, clowns, you name it.” I sat down on my bottom bunk, placing my back against the wall and pulling a pillow onto my lap. “Were any of them real?” I asked, quietly, unsure if I wanted to hear her answer. I watched as she made her way over to my bunk, leaning a hip onto the ladder of my bed. “What do you mean?” She crossed her arms, a questioning look on her face. “Like did any of them circle around something that actually happened to you…like…how you ended up here?” I watched as Kaitlyn thought for a minute before taking a deep breath and responding. “Honestly Lil…I think everyone does, you know? It’s just…I mean…personally, I haven’t, at least none that I can remember. Some might consider that lucky but…I don’t know…my history with my parents is a bit more complicated than most. What happened didn’t really affect me all that much…oh that sounds bad… can I?” she nods toward the foot of my bed, after nodding my head, she sat down and continued, shaking her head as she began. “I don’t know how much you’ve heard about what happened to me, how I ended up here, but I was never close to my parents. I mean I don’t have a single memory of them just being my mom and my dad. They were always this strong power couple in the medical world. My dad was this world renowned doctor and my mom was a travel nurse. They’d travel together around the world performing surgeries on ‘the rich and famous’.” She said making air quotes, clearly irritated by the phrase. “Because of that, for most of my life they were on extended business trips. I mean they knew everyone! And everyone knew them! But they didn’t know their own daughter, and I them. Basically, my life there consisted of me raising myself, with the occasional help of a nanny or a neighbor. They just became people who would occasionally eat or sleep in the same place as me.” Kaitlyn leaned back against the wall beside my bed, staring down at her hands as she continued. “When I was 8 years old, they had been home for all of two days before they left on yet another one of their business trips, no warning or goodbye. They had told me that they would see me after school, but when I got home all that was waiting for me was a sticky note that read, ‘Last minute trip. Will be back.’ No ‘I love you’, or ‘Sorry we couldn’t stay longer.’ Just six words. Thankfully they did let my neighbor know beforehand that I would be at home alone so at least one person was aware… and that was that. No hugs, no kisses, just gone. A week passed by and they still hadn’t returned, and it wasn’t until the police showed up at my house that I found out what had happened. They immediately brought me here, and I’ve been here ever since…six whole years.” She finished, looking down at her hands in her lap. While she had looked irritated for most of the time, now she just looked defeated, like she had lost all hope, a look that has become far too common in this house. “Yeah…” I started, now remembering the little girl that had been introduced to us so long ago. “I remember when you came here, I was only ten years old at the time. I remember being happy that there was another girl around my age here, and then feeling so bad for ever thinking something like that. No one deserves to go through something bad enough to end up in a girl’s home.” My voice fades out at the end, sad for each of the girls that I have seen pass through this house during my time here.