Finding Home

Goodbye is the Hardest Part - Pt 2

“And I hope you know how special that is, Lily.”

I wiped at my cheeks, but more tears replaced the ones I had managed to wipe away.

“You have spent so much of your life wondering if you were wanted. Wondering if you were enough. Wondering what you did wrong every time someone decided they couldn’t keep you.”My heart clenched.

“But I want you to hear me when I say this.” Mrs. Porter took a small breath. “None of that was because you weren’t enough.” The room was completely silent. “You were always enough, sweetheart. And even if this new chapter feels scary, even if it takes time, I want you to remember something.”

She placed a hand over her heart. “You don’t have to earn your place in this world.” Her voice cracked slightly. “You already have one.” I lowered my head, hiding my face in Paige’s hair as I tried desperately not to cry harder.

Mrs. Porter looked around the table one last time. “And that goes for every single girl sitting here.” Her eyes moved from face to face. “None of you have to become perfect to deserve a family. You don’t have to stop being afraid. You don’t have to pretend that everything you’ve been through doesn’t hurt.”

She smiled gently. “You just have to keep going.”She looked back at me. “And sometimes, keeping going is the bravest thing you can do.”

Before I knew it, we were all standing outside the front doors of the girls’ home. The night air felt cooler than I expected. I went around the group saying my goodbyes.

I hugged each girl tightly. Some cried. Some tried to make jokes. A few told me I better come back and visit. I promised every single one of them that I would. And somehow, I managed to hold back my own tears. Until I reached Mrs. Porter and Paige.

“Don’t forget what we talked about, okay?” Mrs. Porter whispered in my ear as she drew me into a hug. “Give them a chance. For me, for them, and for yourself.” She pulled back slightly. “You deserve it.”

I nodded my head and pulled back, using my sleeves to wipe away the tears that had started falling. Mrs. Porter placed her hands on my shoulders before gently cupping my cheeks. “I love you so much, my sweet girl.”

She used her thumb to wipe away the tears that escaped before looking down at Paige, who was hugging tightly onto her leg. I knelt down beside her.

“Paige?” I murmured. She pulled back just enough for me to see her face. Her cheeks were covered in tears. She shook her head.

“No.”

“Paige…”

“No. I don’t want to say goodbye!” Her voice cracked as she cried out the words. Mrs. Porter gently tried to pull her away from her leg. Tears continued to fall as I tried to think of a way to calm her. I couldn’t leave without giving her one more hug.

I looked over at Carter and Addison. They had already loaded the two boys into the car and were waiting by the open car door.

Then I looked back at the little girl still clinging to Mrs. Porter. I reached out and rubbed my hand gently over her back.

“Paige, it’s okay.” She continued crying. “You don’t have to say goodbye.” She looked up at me.

“You know what? I’m not going to tell you goodbye either.” I smiled through my own tears.“Because I will see you again, okay?”

She sniffled. “I love you, miss ma’am.” I slowly stood and turned toward the car.

“NO, LILY!” I heard her small voice yell behind me. I turned around just in time to see Paige running toward me. She jumped into my arms, wrapping her little arms tightly around my neck.“I’m sorry!” She cried into my shoulder. “I love you too! You’re the best big sister!”

I tightened my grip around her. For a moment, I didn’t want to let go. Eventually, I slowly knelt down, keeping her small hands in mine. “And you are the best little sister that I could’ve ever asked for.”

I smiled at her.“I’ll see you again soon, okay?” She nodded. A tiny smile appeared through her tears. Then she leaned forward and gave me a small kiss before turning around and running back toward Mrs. Porter. I stood there for another moment, watching her.

Then I looked around the group one last time. Every face was familiar. Every face held memories. I took a deep breath.

Then I turned around and climbed into the backseat of Carter and Addison’s car.

The moment the door closed, the familiar sounds of the girls faded. I looked out the window as the car pulled away. The building slowly disappeared behind us. I kept watching until I couldn’t see it anymore. Then I turned my attention toward the front of the car.

Addison was sitting beside Carter, quietly talking to him. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Every once in a while, Addison would glance back at me through the rearview mirror. Whenever our eyes met, she’d smile. I tried to smile back.

The car ride seemed to stretch on forever. For the first hour, I barely said anything. I watched the lights outside the window blur together, occasionally catching my reflection in the glass.

I wondered what would happen next, where I would sleep.I wondered what would happen tomorrow morning. Would I have chores?

Would I have to ask before taking something from the refrigerator? I had so many questions that I didn’t know where to begin.

Eventually, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Addison was quietly telling me that we were almost home.

I sat up, rubbing my tired eyes. “Already?” She smiled.

“Almost.” I looked out the window. It was pitch black outside. By the time we finally made it to Carter and Addison’s house, I had been in the car for almost two hours.

I stared out the window as we pulled into the driveway. I couldn’t see much of the house in the darkness, but even from outside, it looked bigger than any place I had ever lived. I suddenly felt very small.

I followed them inside and the warmth of the house immediately surrounded me. Everything looked so different from what I was used to. There were pictures on the walls. Family photographs. Decorations.

Little things scattered around that made the house feel lived in. Not staged. Not temporary.

A home.

We made our way through the living room and into the kitchen before heading toward the stairs. I kept looking around as we walked. There were toys scattered across the floor. Pictures of Landen and Larsen hung on the walls. There were signs that people actually lived here. That they belonged here.

“Okay, we’re going to lay the boys down in bed, and we’ll be right back,” Addison whispered as we got to the top of the stairs. She and Carter stopped outside one of the closed doors. Carter pushed it open, and the two of them disappeared inside with the boys.

I stood in the hallway alone. I could hear quiet voices coming from behind the door. Then a small giggle. Then another. I smiled without realizing it.

After a few minutes, Carter and Addison made their way back out. They both looked tired.

“Are they asleep?” I whispered.

Addison nodded. “Finally.” She laughed softly. Then she took a deep breath and suddenly replaced her tired expression with a huge smile.

“Are you ready to see your room?”

I nodded. They gestured toward the staircase. But instead of heading back downstairs, they led me farther up. I looked around, confused. “Where are we going?”

“Upstairs,” Addison said with a smile.

“I can see that.”

She laughed. “Just trust me.”

I followed them up another flight of stairs. At the top was another hallway, quieter than the one below. Addison stopped in front of a closed door. “Okay, now technically, this is the attic.”

She smiled. “However, we redid the entire space to make it a floor all for you.”

I stopped. “All for me?”

She nodded. I wasn’t sure what she meant. Before I could ask, she gestured for me to open the door. I slowly reached for the handle, and pushed it open. My breath caught in my throat.

It was stunning.

I stepped into the room slowly, afraid that if I moved too quickly, I might somehow wake up.

The room was enormous. There was a large four-poster bed positioned toward the center of the room. A bathroom and what looked like a walk-in closet were built into one side. On the opposite side of the room were double French doors. Beyond them was a balcony.

A balcony. I stared at the room in complete silence. I didn’t know what to look at first. There was more space in this one room than there had been in some of the homes I’d lived in.

And it was mine. All mine. I slowly turned around to look at the couple standing behind me. They were both watching me carefully.

“Is something wrong?” Addison immediately asked. Her smile disappeared. “We can fix it for you!”

I shook my head quickly. “No.” A smile slowly spread across my face. “It’s perfect.” I looked around the room again, then back at them.

“Is this actually all for me?”