Finding Home

Nightmares- Pt 3

“The last family was the Dylans when I was eight, another family I’d rather not think about. Let’s just say it was bad enough there that I finally packed a bag and ran away.

I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know where I was going. And I didn’t care. I just knew I couldn’t stay there any longer. When the police found me the next day, they brought me back here. And I haven’t left since.”

I finished talking and let out a deep sigh, absentmindedly playing with the loose string on my pillow.

Kaitlyn stared at me, taking it all in.“Wow.” She shook her head. “And I haven’t even had one.”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “That’s pretty normal.”

“How?”

“By the age of eight, your number of families diminishes.” I paused.

“Sadly, they all want the younger kids.”

Kaitlyn frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Because they’re easier.”I paused, but after seeing the confused look on her face, I continued. “They want kids who don’t remember everything that happened to them or how they ended up here.”

The words hung in the air between us and neither of us said a word. No matter how true it was, it never made hearing it any less painful.

After a few minutes I heard Kaitlyn take a deep breath. “Lily…” she breathed out. Her voice was softer now. I had been staring that the pillow in front of me, continuously twisting and and untwisting then, but looked up to meet her hesitant gaze “How did you end up here?”

My breath caught in my throat. Images from past dreams flashed through my mind. “A lot of bad stuff,” I murmured.

“Honestly, I don’t even know if I’d be able to really tell you too much. But I know there was an accident.” I paused. “Or maybe multiple accidents.” I shook my head. “I don’t know.” The frustration in my voice surprised even me. “I lost big chunks of my memory. I don’t remember much of anything before the age of five.”

I stared at the floor. “What I do remember is from dreams and nightmares that I’ve been having a few times a month since I got here, sometimes more. It’s like trying to put together a puzzle without the full picture.” I looked at my hands. “Or even all of the pieces.”

Kaitlyn was quiet for a moment. “So the dream you just had…” She hesitated. “Was it a bad one?”

“Yeah… at least bad in the sense that nothing good happened. But it’s not the worst I’ve had.” I looked toward the window. “This particular dream I’ve had more times than I can count, reliving the day my dad left over and over.”

My voice became quieter. “It’s just for some reason, this time it was much more real. I felt like I was four years old again.” I swallowed. “Just as confused, scared, and innocent as I was that day.”

I stopped. I didn’t want to continue. Thankfully, I didn’t have to. The bedroom door opened. Six of the other girls crowded into the room, talking quietly as they made their way toward their own beds. The sudden noise was almost a relief. I watched them for a moment, grateful for the distraction.

Paige, one of the youngest in the group, came straight to me. Paige entered the girls home the day she was born. Her parents didn’t want to keep her because she was born with down syndrome. Now at the age of 5, she’s become like a little sister to me. I slid to the side of my bed out of habit as Paige slid herself between my legs, leaning against me in a sort of side hug.
 “Lily…Mrs. Porter needs to see you in her office.” she said, looking up at me from where she stood.
 “Do you know why?” I questioned. I love Mrs. Porter, she’s like a mom to me by now, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being called to the principal’s office.
 Paige shrugged her shoulders and stood up, taking my hand as I made my way off of the bed. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “But there was a man and lady behind her.”

After living here for only a few weeks, I was taken in by the Michaelson’s. They were this sweet couple but after a couple of months they found out they were pregnant and so they sent me back here. I was here for a few months before I found out that another family wanted to take me in. The Hayes’ family. They had three kids already and this big house where everyone had their own room, even me, But after about a month they sent me back here, said they couldn’t afford another kid.” I scoffed and shook my head.

“By 6, I went to live with the Barrows and honestly I thought that I would get to stay there. They seemed like the perfect family, I stayed with them for almost a year, but I didn’t realize then that every time they introduced me to someone, they would say that I was their foster kid who was staying with them for a little while. They would seem offended if someone called me their daughter. I mean they were great at hiding it back then, but as I’ve gotten older, I started to put the pieces together.

Between 7 and 8, I stayed with the Johnson’s and the Sampson’s, however, those are memories that I would prefer to keep blocked out. Nothing good ever came from being in their homes. After them it was the Williams’ and the Dylan’s, the first being another seemingly perfect match, or so I thought, before I knew it I was right back here. While the other was another family that I’d rather not think about. Let’s just say it was bad enough there that I finally just packed a bag and ran away. When police found me the next day, they just brought me back here, I haven’t left since.” As I finished, I let out a deep sigh, absentmindedly playing with a loose string on my pillow.

“Wow and I haven’t even had one.” Kaitlyn let out an exasperated breath.

“Yeah that’s pretty normal. By the age of 8, your number of families diminishes. Sadly they all want the younger kids, especially those that aren’t old enough remember what had happened to them and how they ended up here.”

“Lily…how did you end up here?” I felt my breath catch in my throat as images of past dreams flashed in front of my eyes.

“A lot of bad stuff.” I murmured softly. I looked down at the string in my hands, forcing myself to focus on it in order to push back the tears trying to escape. “Honestly,” I started, managing to push back the tears enough to continue. “I don’t even know if I’d be able to really tell you too much. I don’t remember exactly what happened but I know that there was an accident or maybe multiple, and I lost big chunks of my memory. I don’t remember much of anything before the age of 5. What I do remember is from dreams and nightmares that I’ve been having a few times a month since I got here. It’s like trying to put together a puzzle without the full picture or even all of the pieces.”

“So the dream that you just had… was it a bad one?”

“Yeah…well sort of…this particular dream I’ve had more times than I can count, reliving the day my dad left over and over. It’s just for some reason, this time, it was much more real and so vivid. I felt like I was four years old again, just as confused, scared, and innocent as I was that day.” I stopped, not wanting to continue, and let out a sigh of relief as the bedroom door opened and we watched as six of the other girls crowded into the room, making their way to their own beds.

Paige, one of the youngest in the group, came straight to me. Paige entered the girls home the day she was born. Her parents didn’t want to keep her because she was born with down syndrome. Now at the age of 5, she’s become like a little sister to me. I slid to the side of my bed out of habit as Paige slid herself between my legs, leaning against me in a sort of side hug.

“Lily…Mrs. Porter needs to see you in her office.” she said, looking up at me from where she stood.

“Do you know why?” I questioned. I love Mrs. Porter, she’s like a mom to me by now, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being called to the principal’s office.

Paige shrugged her shoulders and stood up, taking my hand as I made my way off of the bed. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “But there was a man and lady behind her.”

Confused and slightly panicked, I made my way to the bedroom door with Paige clinging to my arm. Questions started racking my brain as I tried to come up with a reason that she would need to see me as well as who the couple with her could have possibly been. I mean I’m 16 years old and in a girls home. The only visitors any of the girls get here are foster families and occasionally family members that couldn’t take them in. But no one fosters 16 year olds, I mean in just two years I’ll be able to leave and live on my own if I want to. And as far as family goes, my dad left when I was four and I found out my mom died a few years ago. I don’t know of anyone else.

After getting Paige to let go of my hand, I made my way out into the hallway, my stomach in knots. The two minute walk to her office felt like an eternity. As I neared the double wooden oak doors to her office, a man left the bathroom on the other side of the hall. When he saw me reach for the door handle, he froze. He looked like he was trying to decide what emotion he wanted to show, his face seemed angry, but his eyes told a different story. His eyes… they seemed almost familiar, but they were brimmed with tears that hadn’t yet escaped. Before I could say or do anything, he spoke, blinking away the tears and anger and replacing it with a forced smile.

“Hi. Are you Lily?”