BREATHE THROUGH ME

TRIP TO OAKLAND

23RD DECEMBER

SOPHIA’S POV

It was a freezing beautiful morning waking up all amazing and excited with Elijah by my side. His Scent was all over me, his soft lips on my cheek woke me which made want more of him. He slightly pulled me closer, I could feel him all hard. He gradually pulled me into him while I moaned with ecstasy. He held my waist so firmly as a kisses me all through. I could hear him gasping, then he turned and pleaded I should be his better half that he would do everything to be the best man for me.

We got up to have a hot bath together, his face was filled with smile. He was so sweet and funny at the same time. Throughu our shower, I was laughing out loud from most of his jokes. I couldn’t help but have fallen for him completely. I had my few stuffs packed in my luggage , after we left to Elijah place to get some of what he would be needing for the trip. Then we headed to Oakland to go find my Aunt Emma.

Driving through the highway of a straight asphalt ribbon cutting , which is inbetween wide fields and wooded areas.

I was resting my head while I gaze on the hazing of tree hurting by as the car was moving. I was clouded with the past memories about my dad which I hadn’t thought about in years and my head felt heavy.

I said slowly “ I miss dad so much— wondering what’s going on with him.

Elijah didn’t say anything but I felt his eyes glance on me before returning to the road. He then gave me the reassuring smile which always gives me a sense of belonging to his heart.

Then I continued,

“As a kid , myself, Dad and Mom used to take these road trips “. I said with a steady voice but tinged with something raw.

“It’s nothing big , just some trips to nearby, sometimes in the beach or look for a random spot which my Dad will poll-over so I could play and chase the butterflies in the field “.

“I always watched my mom roll her eyes on him while smiling, they were so fond of themselves”.

The sound of the laughter, the silly songs we we’d make as he drives through. Dad will always let me pick the song, he doesn’t care how awful the song sounds, I would sing at the top of my lungs while he will join me singing totally out off-key.

Mom would pretend to be annoyed but from all indications, you could tell she’s having fun as we were. She would look straight into our eyes, as dad doesn’t care even when we laugh out loud about how terrible he is at singing.

Those were one of my happiest time in my life, no sense of separation.

Still talking and another memory creeps in and it’s like a sharp edge cutting through the warmth like a cold wind.

I readjusted in my seat, trying to wave off the memory but they kept coming back. I wrapped my arms around myself but it didn’t go away.

Then I said

“ There is this one trip”, I continued wit a lower voice.

“ we wanted to go to a nearby lake, I’ve packed my swimsuit and I was so happy to go there”.

“ We ended up not going “

The memory of the scene made my stomach lining to tighten.

“My parents started arguing in the car, it was first directions, then how fast dad was driving—It went on and on till their voice became so loud and the car was vibrating with so much anger”.

It was a hard pill for me to swallow. “ I used to try distracting myself their arguments—I would cover my ears and stare out of the window, anything that will make my mind to be absent at that moment”.

“I feel shattered anytime I witnessed them screaming at each other, I would cry myself to sleep“.

“That was the the last trip I had with them—things weren’t the same afterwards “.

Elijah’ face was calm but his eyes were filled with quiet understanding as I glanced at him and exhaled shakily.

“My dad tried after the divorce , I think he did“ . I said sorrowfully.

“He still takes me out to the park or for ice cream, asked how am coping with school tells me about his job and pretend like everything was fine “.

“I’d already feeling the distance , gradually it became clear—he was not there the way he used to and till he got himself a new family”.

“He stopped coming around and would call on the phone”.

I leaned my head against the seat, feeling all emotionally exhausted but kind of lighter for having said all out loud.

“Do you think he still thinks about me?” I said inaudible.

“I think he does “,Elijah said, his tone was gentle but certain

I nodded, allowing his words to sink in. Actually Elijah might be right, he might be out there thinking about me too.

The hum from the engine and the rhythm of the tires filled in the silence as we continue. The only thought in me was what lies ahead , I was not sure about how this whole journey will turn out but no matter the outcome, am ready to face it.

The side of the road were load with ice as we drove through the quiet neighborhood in Oakland as I pulled up to the address I had.

It was a modest house nestled between tall , aging trees. The walls were neatly painted white and flower were planted into the garden.

I felt like this the final piece of a puzzle we been chasing for sometime, ever since the gaps in my family’s story began to weigh heavier than the part I knew. The past has always lived in me but that’s okay , I’ve learnt of not allowing it to define me. It is part of my story I’d learned to carry.

My nerve was just not steady, I sat on the passenger’s seat holding on to the journal while stared at the house.

“What do you think , I turned to Elijah”.

“Do you think we are in the right place?”

Elijah who has been ever patient, glanced at me as he turned off the car engine.

“There is only one way to find out”, he gently said.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car using the path that led to the front door, each step felt weighted, as though the house itself held the gravity of all my unanswered questions.

Getting to the door, hesitated, my fist hanging . A thought of what if this whole thing led to nothing came, and the thoughts was quickly swept off by a reply of knowing I tried. I gathered some courage and rapped on the door. The sound was loud and echoed through the quiet environment. The door opened a woman who appeared to be in her late sixties, her hair were gray and was tied in a loose bun. She looked so healthy and has a kind eyes . She studied me curiously.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her voice soft but tinged with caution.

I held the journal tightly and responded

“ Hi, my name is Sophia Ellis. My grandmother, Edna Ellis, used to live here, I think this house will help me answers about my family.

She thought for a while clearly stirring something in her memory. “Ellis”, she quietly said. Her expression softened.

“Yes , I remembered —I started living here when my mother died. My mother bought this house from your grandmother Edna Ellis”

“Your grandmother seems very kind but she was having a difficult time “, the woman explained further.

I cut in . “You knew her?”

She smiled faintly.

“ I was just nine years old , I was told by my mother. Please, come in”.

The house was warm despite its age, the shelves were lined up with books with mismatched furniture. The faint scent of lavenders reminds of my own mother’s room—cozy and inviting.

“I’m Mrs Miles “, the woman properly introduced herself.

“I moved in after I lost my mother, she explained to me that something happened to your grandmother and she was devastated. She sold the house and no one saw her or heard about her again “.

I tapped on the edge or the sofa, clutching the edge of the journal in my lap.

“Did she leave anything behind?” I asked hesitantly. “Anything that might explain why they left?”

“Actually yes , when we first moved in we found a box of attic. It has personal items—photographs, and journals. My mother kept it thinking someone might come for it one day”. She said.

“You still have it”, I replied.

Mrs. Miles smiled. “I do. Let me go get it.”

She took us to the garage, a space that was filled dusty storage bin, forgotten furniture. Mrs miles rummaged through a piles of boxes until she pulled a weathered cardboard container

“Here is it “, she said, setting it down carefully

I carefully opened the box , inside the Inside were fragments of a life: faded photographs, handwritten notes.

Pulled out a photo and there it is a younger version of my grandmother standing beside a man who looked quite familiar. I got my eyes and smile from him. The photos were all in black-and-white. I reached out for another photo, my gaze remained still and I saw the photo of my mother and her twin sister. The most shocking part of it , there is someone else in the family.

“Mom has an elder sister?”I asked breathing heavily

Mrs. Miles peered over my shoulder. “They looked happy,” she said softly.

I glance through the letters when they expressed their feelings toward each other .

“She loved him,” I said quietly, tears pricking at my eyes. “Even when things got hard, she loved him.”

Mrs. Miles placed a hand on my shoulder. “Your grandmother was a remarkable woman. Whatever she left behind, I hope it brings you the answers you’re looking for.”

I was left with so many questions .

Elijah has been so supportive and was quiet all through allowing me to pass through this phase with him by my side.

Immediately we got to the hotel , I poured everything from the box on the floor, laying out the photos, trinkets and notes. I immediately saw a silver necklace I was able to recognized, it was crested Margaret same with the one we saw.

There were postcards of different cities across the country — San Francisco, Chicago and New York. A brief message was written by my grandfather “ One day, I’ll take you to this place “.

“He wanted to show grandmother around”, I turned to Elijah.

What could be the reason that they couldn’t see each before they died and they look so much in love together.

Where can I find my two Aunt that I never knew existed .

As I sort through, I realize my grandmother was a vibrant adventurous but she was filled with burden by the sacrifice she had made for her family.

Elijah looked at me smiling “ I admire your boldness and courage—we are making progress”.

“I love you Sophia “. He said

I reached out and gave him a reassuring kiss.

“I love you too my darling “. I replied

I smiled faintly ,packing back the items in the box. At this point, it feels like I’ve found a piece of myself.

I quickly melted into the arms of Elijah, his touch is therapeutic as he studies every part of my part. As the past feels heavy but it’s feels less with Elijah by my side.

This is not just my mother’s story but ours too. I believe she deserves to know the truth. She should know she has other siblings.

I’ve gotten every thing I need to find my family.