In the Shadow of his Love

ONE. The sight of the corn roasting on the wire rack on the other side of the road made me park the car. It had been a long while since I’ve had corn and this was one of the rare times I was seeing it this year. I grabbed my purse from the passenger seat and got down from the car. I was just a few streets away from Akin and Desire’s house. Desire had told me last night on our w******p chat that she was craving roasted corn. I doubted she’d have gotten any since the woman only opened shop in the afternoons. I crossed the road and stopped in front of her umbrella. The corn seller was an old woman. The Ankara kaftan she wore was faded and a straw hat covered the majority of her face. “How much is your corn?” I asked and she looked up. Her face was dark from constantly being in the sun and wrinkled. She smiled. “Which one do you want?” she asked as she turned the corncobs over on the fire. “These.” I pointed to the big ones at the front that didn’t look as charred as the rest. “One is a hundred naira.” “Alright. Give me four.” I handed her a five hundred naira note and she wrapped up the corncobs for me with an old newspaper and handed me my change. I went back to the car and drove away. As I turned into Desire’s estate, I remembered the last time I had eaten roasted corn. It was on a Sunday at her place with Tara and Nathan two weeks ago. That was the last time I saw him. I wouldn’t say I was getting over him but I’d realized he’s never going to see me the way I want him to. To him, I’ll always be a friend and I suppose I was okay with that. One can’t force love. Especially someone with such rotten luck as me, it’d end up blowing up in my face. I pressed the horn and a few seconds later, Danjuma opened the gate. “Miss Jenny Jenny,” he greeted as I got down from the car already eyeing the nylon of corn I was holding. “What’s in the bag, Miss Jenny?” he asked, licking his lips and rubbing his palms together. Danjuma was a thin, dark Hausa man. The way he was currently rubbing his palms together reminded me of a house fly and I chuckled. “God! Danjuma. I didn’t bring anything for you today o. Next time,” I said. “Ahn Ahn! Miss Jenny. Don’t do me like this na,” he said in that Hausa accent of his that always cracked me up. “Bye, Danjuma!” I waved and went into the house before he found another excuse to bill me. The aroma of something delicious permeated the air in the living room and I immediately knew Desire was in the kitchen whipping up something again. She was a great cook, unlike me who couldn’t cook anything without burning it or over-spicing it. I dropped my bag on the couch and entered the kitchen to check on what she was making but froze when I saw Nathan at the stovetop stirring the food in the pot instead. Despite all the times I’d told myself that Nathan had no feelings for me and it was okay, it didn’t stop my heart from racing upon seeing him. I mean whose heart wouldn’t beat for him? He wasn’t bad looking. Light-skinned with a toned body and curly hair, he was clean and fresh and those green eyes of his made me lose my senses when he directed his gaze at me. He turned and smiled. I swear butterflies erupted in my stomach. “Jennifer, when did you get here?” he asked and then switched off the stove and lifted the pot. “I just arrived,” I replied. “Desire had to use the restroom so she asked me to check on the food she was making,” he explained even though I didn’t ask him. He covered the pot and left the kitchen making sure not to touch me as he passed me in the doorway. The butterflies that had been dancing happily in my stomach disappeared after that. That was just the thing with Nathan nowadays. Ever since I kissed him at the hospital when Desire was injured, he’d been awkward around me. He avoided me most days so we were never at the same place at the same time and on days he couldn’t avoid me, he was like this. Annoyingly polite with that smile of his. What was wrong with me? Sure, I wasn’t a half-caste with flawless skin and a curvy figure like Desire but I was pretty too. My dark skin had no blemish and I had a few curves though I was slim. I guess I see it now. Who would want petite when thick girls were your spec? I went back to the living room and sat down. Nathan took the couch opposite me. If I’d thought the kitchen was awkward, sitting opposite him was even more awkward. He took out his phone and glanced at me, smiled again, and practically glued his face to his screen to avoid looking at me. There was only so much a girl could take. Now, I was pissed. If he’d hated me kissing him that much he could’ve just told me instead of giving me the silent treatment. Hurried footsteps running down the stairs had us both looking up. Tara ran towards me and enveloped me in a hug. “Aunty Jenny, I’ve missed you.” “Awwn! I’ve missed you too.” I pulled away from her and tapped her nose and she giggled. She sat next to me and immediately seized my bag. “What did you buy for me?” she asked, her greedy little hands already rummaging through the contents in it. I tapped her hand away and took the bag from her. “It’s not nice to search someone’s bag like that.” “Sorry.” I brought out the corncobs I’d bought and unwrapped them. The smell of the corn had Nathan looking up from his phone. “You bought corn? I wanted to get some but she hadn’t been there when I arrived. Can I take one?” The Nathan I knew wouldn’t have asked before taking it. Even if I’d been eating the corn, he’d have snatched it from my hands and led me on a wild goose chase trying to get it back from him. “Sure, you can take as many as you want.” His phone rang as he reached out to take the corn and he glanced at the screen. “Excuse me,” he said and grabbed an ear of corn, leaving the room. Taking a corncob, I broke it into two and handed one part to Tara, keeping the other for myself. “Be careful, it’s hot,” I warned Tara and she smiled. “I’m not a baby, Aunt Jenny,” she said and I chuckled. “Of course, you’re not. You’re a growing little girl.” She nodded and the beads in her ponytail bounced. I looked back at Nathan who was receiving a call by the balcony. His left hand was at his ear, and the white shirt he wore stretched taut across his back. I’d often found myself imagining what his back looked like without a shirt on and as ashamed as I was to be doing it again, I didn’t look away. I wasn’t a hormonal teenager but I had a lot of pent-up s****l tension. It had been years since I’d been with a man. Casual s*x was not my thing and I was busy with work. As a therapist who often counselled people not to give in to their base desires, I’d made a big mistake and given in to mine and now it was biting me in the ass. “Stop staring at him, Jenny,” Desire’s voice said next to me and I turned around with a glare. I hadn’t even noticed when she’d sat beside me. “Why don’t you say it louder, I’m sure he didn’t hear you the first time,” I said sarcastically and she shook her head at me. She reached out to take one of the corncobs placed on the center table and I saw the scar on her arm. It was a long gash that had healed over the weeks but each time I saw it, it gave me chills. I was reminded of what had led to it and how much she’d had to endure. She and her family had been tormented by a psychopath for weeks and she’d almost died at his hands. I was only glad everything was over and she wouldn’t have to face something like that again. “You remembered I was craving roasted corn,” she said seeming surprised. “Of course I did,” I shrugged. She gave me a pointed look. “Akin didn’t remember and he’d slept beside me last night.” She was still giving me the look and it made me feel like she was driving at something but I didn’t understand it. “You pay attention to the littlest things about my life, Jenny.” She glanced at Nathan. “I think it’s time you start dating someone. If Nathan can’t see what’s right in front of him then that’s his loss.” She bit into the roasted corn. Oh! Now I understood what she was driving at. “You think I’m focused on your life because I don’t have one of my own?” “Yes, that’s what I think. You need to…” she paused and looked at Tara. “Baby, why don’t you go to your room. Aunty Jenny and I want to talk.” Tara stared at the both of us then shrugged and continued eating her corn. “You can talk. I’m not listening.” “Tara! Go to your room,” her mother said firmly and she groaned as she got up reluctantly. “Ooo!” she grumbled as she went up the stairs. “I’ll come call you when the table is set.” Desire turned to me. “As I was saying, you need to go out on dates. Meet different men. You know what I mean.” “I meet different men everyday,” I said. Though they were men who needed my expertise on an emotional or psychological condition. Everyday I go to work early and get off work in the evening. After battling traffic going from the island to the mainland, I arrive home at night tired and with enough energy to just eat the food I bought from a restaurant and go to sleep. Okay, I could see what she meant. “How am I supposed to meet a man when all the men I meet are broken and off limits?” “Maybe you need to go on vacation. Get off work, pack your bags and fly to Fiji or wherever people go on vacations these days. You can relax on the beach, dress in a sexy bikini that’ll make any man’s head turn.” I chuckled. “I don’t have money for that kind of vacation.” “Alright, try something small then.” She looked down at the newspaper the corncobs were wrapped in. In a bold picture in the middle of the paper was a picture of a woman in a crowd wearing a feather headdress and a studded bikini. The Calabar festival. It happened annually in Calabar during December and lasted the whole month. “What about the festival?” I’d never been to the festival before even though I’ve lived my whole life in Nigeria. Maybe she was right and I needed a vacation. What harm could come of it? I’d relax for a whole month enjoying music, culture and fanfare and if I’m lucky, I’d meet a gorgeous hunk that’d make me forget all about Nathaniel Johnson. What could go wrong?