Feelings of Life Torment

As the library clock struck five, silence descended on the entire library. John was sitting quietly in a corner of the college library, next to the window. The sky outside was covered with thick clouds, and light rain was falling, with a patter of sound. The sound of the rain mixed with the silence of the library to create a strange, deep calm atmosphere. As if all the noise of the world had stopped somewhere far away. An open book was lying on the table in front of John. The pages of the book were slowly turning in the gentle breeze of the ceiling fan, making a rustling sound. It seemed that the book was trying to say something in its own language, trying to whisper some unknown story to John. The main road was not far from the library. Suddenly, a woman's sharp scream came from the direction of that road. The sound entered through the open window and shattered the silent atmosphere in an instant. John was startled. His gaze spontaneously went out the window. Behind the raindrops, he was trying to understand what was happening outside. At that moment, an unknown curiosity arose inside him, along with a strange discomfort. As if some invisible force was trying to pull him towards the incident. The other students in the library could not stand still when they heard the scream. Everyone suddenly stood up and ran to the window to find out what had happened. In an instant, a crowd gathered there. John was almost falling under the pressure of that crowd. The crowd of people around him, their body odor, the hot breath on his face, all of it made it difficult for him to breathe. His chest felt tight, as if the air had become heavy. Somehow, pushing through the crowd, he moved towards the library door. Finally, he walked out through the door and stood in front of the library for a few moments. Then he took a deep breath. Once, twice, three times. Still, the screams and strange sounds from afar kept ringing in his ears. He realized that something unusual had happened. He took another deep breath. This time his chest felt a little lighter. Just then he noticed that the rain was still falling. The cold air filled the surroundings with a strange peace. There was a sharp contrast between that peace and the distant unrest. Looking ahead, he saw a huge crowd gathered on the main road. In the distance, the red and blue lights of the police cars were flashing repeatedly. A few journalists were running around with microphones and cameras. Everything seemed to be a sudden big event that had drawn everyone to that place. With a strange mixed feeling of curiosity and discomfort, John slowly walked through the college campus gate and towards the main road. The raindrops were getting thicker. Each drop seemed to fall on him and make him heavier. He felt as if he was getting lost somewhere in this crowd. As if he could not recognize himself properly. The scream that had come from the library window a while ago was still echoing in his ears. That sound seemed to be haunting him, penetrating deep into his thoughts. Across the road in front of the college was an old garden. In the middle of the garden stood an oak tree that was many years old. The tree seemed to stand as a witness to time. It had stored countless events, the stories of countless people within itself. John slowly walked towards the garden. Surprisingly, a kind of silence had descended on the garden. Only the soft sound of raindrops could be heard on the leaves of the trees, on the ground, and in the air. The noise of the distant road reached his ears very faintly, as if it were the sound of another world. He went to the oak tree and stood. He stared at the tree silently for a while. Then he slowly raised his two arms and hugged the tree. He pressed his forehead against the hard, rough bark of the tree and closed his eyes. At that moment, he felt as if all the sounds around him, all the restlessness, all the questions were slowly disappearing. A strange stillness seemed to spread through his body from within the tree. He couldn't understand what was happening outside, but inside his mind, another story seemed to have begun. Suddenly, all the pain accumulated in his heart seemed to boil up at once. John could no longer control himself. He cried out in agony. His chest was pounding, as if the intense pain of love accumulated inside was tearing him apart. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and those tears mixed with raindrops and soaked his chest. It was as if nature had become his companion in his sorrow. After a while, John slowly controlled himself. He wiped away the tears with his trembling hands. Then he sat down at the base of the oak tree with a tired body. The tree was like a silent witness to his life. All the stories of his laughter, tears, hopes and brokenness seemed to be hidden in the shade of this tree. John's life is surrounded by countless memories. Suddenly, he remembered that first day. The day he came to join this college as a professor. That morning was different. New place, new responsibilities. Everything was unfamiliar. A strange excitement and restlessness was working in his mind. When he reached the college, he saw that the gate was not yet fully opened. So he came and stood under this oak tree, exactly where he was sitting now. John did not notice that the sky had darkened with clouds. Moreover, the sky could not be seen clearly from behind the leaves of the trees in the garden. The huge college building stood in front of him. John was staring at it steadily. He felt as if he was standing on the threshold of a new chapter in his life. But at the same time, numerous questions were swirling in his mind. Will he be able to be a good teacher? Will the students accept him easily? Will he be able to develop a different identity of his own in this new environment? Question after question seemed to be storming in his mind. He stood quietly and tried to calm himself, taking deep breaths again and again. Just then, a sweet voice came to his ears..... "What are you thinking?" John was startled and looked back. That voice seemed to bring him suddenly back to reality. As he turned, he saw a beautiful woman looking at him and smiling softly.