The Last String

|13| In Him alone

|13| In Him alone

When I was young, Grandma would always wake me up early during Sunday mornings so we could attend the mass at a nearby church. 

Every first Wednesday of the month we would be praying the Novena to Mother of Perpetual Help and every Wednesday we would be praying Novena to St. Joseph. 

During the month of May, grandma would push me to join the Flores de Mayo which is a religious practice wherein people will pray the novena and offer flowers during the month of May and there will be someone assigned to bring pailaw which is something that the person wanted to share with others. It can be food or anything under the sun but people mostly bring foods because that’s what the children wanted. 

We would be attending Misa de Gallo for nine days during mid mornings before Christmas and attend the mass on the Christmas day. 

With these, she instilled in my mind that we have Him and He will always be right there whenever we need Him. 

I was in grade six when Grandma suddenly fell sick. We were alone in our house when it happened and I had to knock on my neighbor’s door to get the help that we needed. She was rushed into the hospital and I’m so afraid with what ifs. 

What if she’s really sick?

What if she needs to be admitted to the hospital? Who’s gonna take care of me?

What if she died?

During those times, my faith was tested. I would always be in the chapel, praying for my Grandma’s recovery and tell Him that I need her in my life. But I guess not all prayers are answered. 

With a weary smile on her face, she cupped my cheeks gently like I’m a fragile little thing.

“Smile, Finn. Be happy.”

I am now trying to be happy, Grandma.

“Do you believe in God?” I asked Gavin. He looked shocked with the sudden question but later on nodded his head. “I do, Sera.”

I looked up at the starry night. From the balcony, the view of the night sky is really beautiful with the busy city below that shines with different colors of light. We’re having our late night talk like the usual. I found it therapeutic—I mean talking to him. He became my life confidant and I am so thankful to have him in my life. 

“When I was in elementary, I was one of the children who serve at the local church. Y’know, the altar knights kinda thing,” I said as I reminisce about my childhood. 

“Since my grandma is a religious person, she’s ecstatic when she learned about it. Do you even know why I joined that org? Ask me why!” I ordered Gavin who’s looking at me indifferently like I’m someone incapble of doing that. 

“Okay? Why?” He asked. 

“There’s this sports fest for all altar servers every vacation. Our school has like five other sister schools and the fun thing was that all altar servers from all the six schools were united during the event. I joined because of that. I’m a lonely kid and somehow, I gained friends through that.” I said. 

Remembering those times made me smile. “It was like I took serving God for granted because my focus was not in my service but on the sports fest every vacation. But still, He made me happy.”

“So your goal is to experience the fun during the games and not the fun in service?” Gavin asked. I nodded in a flash. That was me during my childhood years but then…

“Somehow through the years, I’ve learned to love what I was doing. So when we migrated here, it really affected me. I can’t find another alternative to keep me on track so I was derailed again.” I said and laughed because that was the truth. I was lost and I don’t know where to start again.

“There are some points in our lives when we feel like we’re the lowest of the low. Have you had experienced that, Gavin? Because I did and it’s normal isn’t it?” I asked. 

“I don’t know if I’m just pitying myself but I always feel alone that I came to the point where being alone is much better than being with my parents.” My parents were not there to guide me when I was growing up. They were just…there. They were just providing the things they think I needed and I was just…here. 

“It’s scary how being alone became a part of your normal life routine,” Gavin commented and sighed like he had trouble digesting all my thoughts. 

“When I saw you at the plane you had this resting b***h face—” I arched my brows which made him stop for a while but then he continued. “I was hesitating if I would talk to you or nah but you were pretty so yeah,” he said and shrugged. 

My forehead creased. “So you wanted to flirt with me?” I asked. Gavin snickered and palmed my face. Wow. The mighty Gavin Wraith Smith wanted to flirt with me from the moment he first met me! 

“Gavin baby wanted to flirt with me,” I poked his sides trying to annoy the hell out of him but he wouldn’t budge. 

Aw, bummer. 

“Do you even know how pretty you are in my eyes?” He asked with his eyebrows arching. I stilled with his sudden direct to the point question. Thank God the light’s off so he couldn’t see how flushed my face was. 

“You’re glowing and shining in my eyes every time I see you,” Gavin added and I just had to slap his arms because he’s clearly enjoying teasing me. The playful smirk on his face proves it! 

“But the strange thing was your eyes. I know that they’re beautiful but they looked so lifeless,” he said and looked straight into my eyes like he wanted to unravel my soul and reveal what I truly feel. 

“I remember telling you that you looked broken on my first day at MAE,” I said immediately and shook my head. “What happened?” 

Gavin’s eyes squinted as if he knew what I am doing but then he just shrugged. “Dad was just disappointed with a deal I almost lost.” 

“Funny,” I laughed a little and he looked lost with my sudden laughter. 

“I remember telling you that I would be your shrink but look where we are now,” I said while bobbing my head and laughed until I cried. 

I cried and Gavin was there to witness my breakdowns.

“You were alone Sera but we’re here now. We’ll be right here for you.”

I realized that maybe, I was bound to meet Gavin at the plane.

I realized that maybe I was bound to be with the person who helped me to grow and pick up my shattered pieces.

I realized that maybe falling in love with him wasn’t just because of attachment and my need of attention. 

I realized that maybe love was all I need to heal. 

I realized that maybe, all along, this was fate. 

All the maybes will remain maybes. But then again I realized that in Him alone everything is possible…

…only if you believe.

#

end of chapter thirteen 

A/N:

Hey loves! Here ya go! Thank you for reading my story! Stay safe everyone! Observe social distancing! Jesus loves you!

Preview:

My eyes brimmed with tears as soon as I realized what was happening. No…not now please. I still wanted to be with them.

With my hands shaking, I willed myself to continue typing the words I wanted to say. “You can finish it,” I whispered almost breathless with my eyes blurred with the tears that kept on falling. “You can do it,” I bit back a whimper but to no avail, my cries escaped from my mouth. 

I don’t want to go. Not now that I’m living my life here at last. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay.

Why can’t I be happy?