The Downsides Of Being Immortal

I had been dead for about an hour now. My body still warm to the touch. You’ve tried to bring me back several times, even when you knew I was long gone. Now you just sat there, staring into the darkness that surrounded us. I wanted you to leave. I wanted you to get somewhere safe and warm. I could still feel you somehow. I wasn’t in my body anymore, but it felt like I couldn’t let go of it either. It was my only connection to you, and I was not ready to let you go completely. I couldn’t let you sit here alone, scared and full of grief and anger. Death was waiting for me. I couldn’t see him but felt him waiting in the darkness. He was patient, letting me take my time. No need to rush, no need to skip my goodbyes. You must have heard something. Your eyes finally focused on something out there in the darkness. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see much. It was as if the night had crawled closer, making the surrounding area too dark for me to see anything. I only saw you and my corpse that you were still clinging to. You took a deep breath, trying your hardest to collect yourself. You knew that you had to move. Safety and warmth were to be your next priority. This also meant that you knew that you had to leave me behind. There was no way that you could carry my body. I had always been heavier than you. You hadn’t looked at me for a while. You had just stared into nothingness. Now it was like you knew that you had to look down on me, making sure that I was really dead and that this was not some twisted dream. I wished that I had died differently. Not because of the pain or the fear I felt as the bullets entered my chest and stomach. Not because of my fear of death or the coldness. Or the feeling of the blood leaving my body. I wished I had died differently so that you didn’t have to see the blood that had drenched your white sweater or the gaping wounds from the bullets. I wished you had not noticed how I had clawed my fingernails into my neck as it became hard to breathe. I guess I died pretty dramatically. I was terrified and freezing cold. The pain was unbearable, and the intense sleepiness made me cry from fear of not waking up. I tried to see everything. I tried to focus on the branches above me, the grass beside me, and the beautiful starry sky lighting up the black night. It was the stars that helped me relax. The stars told me that everything was going to be alright. The wind allowed me to dry my tears, and the sound of the forest sang me a lullaby. I felt at peace for a moment. I felt as if I wasn’t alone after all. Then, finally, it was okay for me to fall asleep. Somewhere in the forest, I had heard your voice calling out for me. You had probably listened to the gunshots and had rushed to get to me. It was okay that you hadn’t found me quite yet. I guess it would have been more challenging for me to go. I let myself sink into my mind, feeling the pain let go of me, feeling the starry sky embrace me and hold me tight as it whispered reassuring words into my ears. The next thing I saw was you screaming over my body. Your hands were on my chest as you tried to bring me back. My eyes kept staring and looked calm despite the blood. You pressed my head close to your chest and whispered my name repeatedly. I never knew how beautiful my name sounded on your lips until this moment. I guess death really opens your eyes. Now you stared down at me before finally standing up. It hurt you not to be able to take me with you. You probably weren’t even sure you’d see my body ever again. I wanted you to know that it was okay, that I was okay. As you started to walk away, I felt the intense urge to follow you, but I knew death was waiting for me, making sure I was not alone on this new journey. And with tears in my eyes and sorrow in my heart, I turned around and smiled at death, ready for the beautiful adventure he had in store for me…