Our Hearts

"Mom, I don't want to go to NorthStar, all of the people there are pretentious and rude and it's too far and-" "Enough Mica, this is not up for debate." My mom interjected. I knew that getting the scholarship meant she would make me go, but I couldn't bare to go through with it. Not only would I be miles away from my family, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to go home for the holidays. My family was too poor to fly me home and back to school. This was going to be a one-way trip, and I would be stuck there for the next 4 years, and then, off to college. My mom had high hopes for me to get in, and once I did, she didn't hesitate to show me that they would be fine without me. But deep down I knew that wasn't true. I was the one who made sure the bills were paid, that my little brother Davi and I made it to school on time every day, and that a fight over something small wouldn't end my parents' marriage. I even had to take on babysitting and dog walking jobs to make sure that we would be able to eat dinner every night. I was the one holding the family together and yet, here they were trying to send me off to some unknown place with people that I would never be able to relate to. I didn't want to go to NorthStar High, but my mom did. So, I applied anyway. "Now Mica, you know that I just want what's best for you. I don't want you to be far from us, but if it means you'll get the education you deserve, then I'm willing to make that sacrifice for you. I do love you, Mica. Please don't ever forget that." "I know Mom," I said, hesitating a bit. I know she loves me and only wants the best for me, but how can I accept it when I know that it will only hurt her more? Sometimes, I don't think she realizes how much she has sacrificed for us. I just wish that she would put herself first for once. I mean, if she loves me so much, why can't she just keep me here? Why cant she just be selfish for once?... Who am I kidding? She's always even this way. There's no changing that now, which means there's no longer any point in debating this topic. Maybe I should just go. Maybe this will be a good experience for me. . . . "Mica, are you done yet? We've been waiting forever! Hurry up!" My brother Davi yelled at me from the living room. "Yea, I'm almost done!" I yelled back. I was almost done with packing, but then I realized that all of my books were in a box in my parents' room. I ran down the hall to get them and had aimed straight for the closet. Not knowing which box it was, I had decided to pull down both boxes. I quickly glanced at the contents of each when I saw something that caught my eye. An envelope from the county hospital. I thought it was strange because we were barely able to afford insurance, so going to the hospital was out of the question for us. I picked up the letter and quickly opened it, allowing my curiosity to get the best of me. As I ripped it open, I noticed that it was addressed to my mom. A letter from the hospital? To her? Why? Before I could read the contents of the letter, it was hastily snatched out of my hand. "Who said you could snoop through my things!" My mother yelled. This was the first time I had ever heard her properly yell at me. She had raised her voice in the past, but she had never yelled. Clearly, whatever was on that paper was a serious matter, and I did not need to know about it. "I was just getting my books when I saw it. I really didn't mean to open it, I was just worried and-" She promptly hugged me and patted my back. "I'm sorry Mica, I know that you didn't mean to look, but please be more careful next time. There are just certain things that are not meant for you to read." "Yes, Mom. I'm sorry" I said holding back tears. She had never yelled at me like that before. "I know Mica, I know. Now come on, you need to finish packing now or you'll miss your flight." "Yes, Mom." I quickly picked out a few books from my box and rushed to my room to put them in my suitcase. What was in that letter that she was so angry about me reading it? Whatever it was, I decided to ignore it. I finished packing and headed to the living room. From there, we all filed into the car and headed to the airport. On the way there, mom had not spoken a word, and neither did my dad. My brother drew in his sketchbook to keep himself entertained. I tried my best to keep my mind off the letter and take a nap for the hour-long drive. Once we had arrived at the airport, my brother and father were quick to send me off. My mom hugged me tightly and then spoke. "I won't tell you what to do and what not to do because I'm sure you already know, but I just want you to know that we will miss you and that we love you. I'm sure you'll do well and make many friends. So keep your head up high and don't be discouraged. You can do this Mica. I'm so proud of you and I love you so much." My mom said as she choked back tears. "I love you guys too, and I promise I'll do well. I'll make sure to call often," I said. "Oh and one last thing." She dug around in her purse. "What is it?" I said as she pulled something gold and shiny out. "It's a keychain. I know how much you love butterflies and I wanted to make sure you had something to remember us by." "Oh mom, I love it" She placed it into my hands and flashed a bright smile. "Good luck, my dear Mica. Goodbye" "Bye mom, bye dad, bye Davi!" I exclaimed as I ran off towards my gate. Flight 247 from California to New York is boarding now at Gate 3. And with that, I was off to NorthStar High, where the next 4 years of my life awaited. . . . "I hate it here! You're such an annoying, weird, ugly, creepy person! I'm not spending another night here!" She screams, then slams the door shut. There goes roommate number 12. I mean it's not like I wanted her to leave, I just didn't want her to stay. At least this one took her stuff with her. It would've been awkward if she left it behind like roommates number 3, 4, 8, and 11. It was funny watching them come back in and grab their bags and avoid eye contact with me. Luckily, this time it happened at the end of the school year and not in the middle. It's been 3 years since I started here at NorthStar. Just as I predicted, the kids here are all snobs. Whether they're smart or complete idiots, they act like they're better than you based on what position your parents hold in society. Roommate number 12's parents are both lawyers. They started a firm together and are pretty rich. She wouldn't shut up about how her life was so perfect and how she had everything she could ever wish for, but it was all mommy and daddy's money anyway. She had never worked for anything in her life. So, naturally, I found her quite annoying and tried my best to get rid of her. Luckily for me, they won't be able to put in a replacement until the next school year starts. This means I will have the dorm all to myself over the summer. I would've gone back home but things have changed there and I'd rather stay here for the time being. My mother fell ill. Just after I had arrived in New York, I got a call from my dad saying that she was in the hospital. Apparently, the letter that I had found in the box was a letter from the hospital, confirming that my mom had lung cancer. I couldn't believe it at first because I had just seen her the week prior and she seemed fine. I couldn't understand how her condition had declined so rapidly. Of course, I wanted to go back to California to see her but it was clear she didn't want me there. Three Years Ago *phone rings* "Hey Dad, I'm packing up right now. I'm gonna get on the first flight back so I can see mom. How is she? Is she still okay?" "Youre not coming here..." "H-huh? Mom is that you?" "You will not come here! I don't want you here! Dont you dare waste all the opportunities I gave you, you ungrateful wench! I hate you! I don't want you here! You can't come here! You're the reason why I am sick, because I have spent so much time taking care of you and your brother. It's all your fau-" *hangs up* "haa...haa....ha....ha..what...the..hell...." Has she gone insane?! Does she think she can talk to e that way now that she's sick? Is she really serious? Why the hell would she say that? What? ha... Why should I care? I'm done caring about that woman. She is no longer a mother to me. She can stay in that hospital for all I care. *phone rings* "Don't you dare hang up on me when I am tal-!" " I'm done with you. Stay in that hospital. I will never visit you. Good luck with what time you have left." "Huh? Excuse me-" "Goodbye Mom" *hangs up* Present I said all of those things out of anger. I didn't mean any of it but yet I had said it and there it was, out in the air. Those were the last words I ever said to her. She passed 6 months later. I went to the funeral and I tried my best to help console my brother and father about it. I cried. Not aloud, but inside. I cried that I wasn't able to tell her that I loved her one last time, that I wasn't able to bring myself to visit her at least once. I felt guilty for not being there, but I didn't have time to feel guilty. I had classes to take and work to do, so I buried myself in it. And for the past 3 years since, I spent every single day in the school library. Studying and seizing every chance I had to fulfill my mom's dying wish. "I want her to become the top student and prove everyone wrong."