My Boyfriends Brother

Chapter 6 Michael’s Memories

I shouldn’t of just came over to her house like that. Of course she was in the shower, she didn’t take one here when she left. I’m being too much. I know it. I have to calm down. 

“CALM DOWN,” I told the reflection of myself in the rear view mirror of my car. I couldn’t calm down. I just kept replaying last night, over and over again. The way she tasted. The way she smelled. The way she felt pressed against me. I was getting another hard on just thinking about it. Seeing her n*****s through her shirt earlier gave me a semi. f**k she was so beautiful. 

“And tight,” I muttered. Dammit, I cannot get her off my mind. I kept driving around in circles trying to clear my head. It wasn’t working. I wanted her again. 

But Mathew. The sane part of my brain managed to mumble. f**k. My brother. What would he say? What would he think? He’d be livid. Days after his death I was pining after his girl. I really must be messed up in the head. I shouldn’t be doing this. Not now. Not so soon. I hadn’t even given myself time to unload everything and process what happened. It happened so fast. 

I lost my brother. 

The pain of loss hadn’t hit me yet. I still wait for a text or call from him. Anything to tell me that he’s okay and that wasn’t really him dead on the table. I remember the way his face looked. A bit scratched up and pale. So so pale. His lips has lost all color. I knew it was him though. There was no mistaking that. I grew up with him, of course I know what my own brother looks like! But why him? My mind was a mess, jumping around, I couldn’t think straight. Before I knew it I had circled back around to his and Sierra’s house. Her car was gone. Odd. I was just there not that long ago. She must’ve left right after me. 

She really must be avoiding me. Maybe she went back to her spot on the beach? That’s always the first place to go to look for her. Should I go? No. I need to give her space. 

I ended up back home pretty soon. Alone with my thoughts I kept thinking about my brothers death. He drowned. Out in the ocean Sierra keeps staring at. Mathew loved to surf and with the weather here lately I told him he should take a break but he insisted he could handle a few rough waves. That he needed the practice. It was stupid of him to go. His body washed up on the beach the next morning and that’s when someone found him. I got the call that afternoon after they identified him. Our parents probably couldn’t care less. I doubt they even knew he was dead. After the way they left us to fend for ourselves growing up, I wasn’t going to let them back in our lives...my life now I guess. Mathew won’t have to really worry about them anymore. 

I went and laid down on my bed. I needed a nap. Too much thinking for someone who did too much drinking last night. Slowly I started to drift off into the blackness.