My Boyfriends Brother

Chapter 4 Michael’s Mistake

f**k what did I do. Why did I do this? I shouldn’t have let her drink so much. She was vulnerable. s**t, we both were but it wasn’t supposed to happen like this! Sierra and I weren’t supposed to have s*x! Not now, not even a whole week after my brother’s—her boyfriend’s death. What is wrong with me? She’s going to hate me. f**k she felt so good though. No, stop. What are you thinking?! I took advantage of her. It’s plain and simple...but I had been drinking too. I wasn’t in my right mindset. I wanted her so bad. 

I’ve wanted Sierra since the day Mathew introduced us. I couldn’t tell Mathew that but Sierra...it was like looking at an angel when I first laid eyes on her. I never wanted anyone else. She was perfect. Her laugh, her smile, her fiery red hair. She was a goddess. I can’t believe I f****d her! I’ve only been wanted to do it for what, three years? Last night was amazing. I can only dream that she’d let me do it again. Let me touch her again. 

I heard Sierra grumble as she stirred in her sleep. We’d somehow managed to make it to my bedroom last night before we passed out from exhaustion. She was so beautiful when she slept. Her little breaths moving her chest up and down. f**k, she was beautiful. Then her eyes fluttered open to me gawking at her. Her face immediately changed from relaxed and warm to alert and cold. 

“G-good morning,” she said. 

“Uh-yeah, good morning Sierra,” I mumbles back. “How did you sleep?” Dumb. Stupid. i***t. How the f**k do I think she slept? Must’ve been a pretty good sleep after the f*****g I gave her! 

“Uh, good. I guess...you?” She said nervously. Damn I really f****d up. 

“Yeah me too.”  Dumb. Stupid. i***t. 

“Good.” She looked around and asked, “um, where are my clothes?” s**t s**t s**t s**t. Did she not remember last night? Was she that drunk? I mean she’s a lightweight so I wouldn’t be surprised. 

“Lemme go get them,” I stammered as I rushed out of the room to go look for her clothes. f**k, the living room was a mess. My clothes, her clothes, everywhere. Shiiiiiiiit. I quickly ran through the living room picking up our clothes. There can be no trace. 

I got back to my bedroom and tossed her clothes at her. “Here ya go!” I must be the dumbest guy in the world. 

“Thanks... so umm, what happened last night? I kinda blacked out there after we started drinking.” Fuuuuuuuuck. No. This is fine. Everything’s fine. This is good. She doesn’t remember so no confrontation. I get to keep that amazing night all to myself. Maybe it’s better this way. 

She left as fast as she could. Or at least it felt like she was trying to get as far away from me as possible. Did she remember last night after all? I offered to drive her home but she insisted on taking an Uber. It’s not like she lived very far, maybe just a mile or two down the road. Her and Mathew got a little house there. Mathew... I must be the worlds worst brother. I literally slept with his girlfriend last night. Well his ex-girlfriend? Would she be considered an ex since he’s dead? Or does the title of girlfriend still stand? Either way I felt like s**t about it. Especially since I always had a thing for Sierra. 

In the three years that I’d known her, I’d never dated any other girl. I couldn’t. I had hook ups here and there sure but nothing serious. I knew no girl could get Sierra off my mind. I thought maybe one day I’d find one to bring my head out of the impossible dream where I would one day have her. That girl never came and now that impossible dream felt more like a possibility. I never wanted my brother to DIE to make that a possibility. I loved my little brother. He was my best friend. 

I moved out here for college years ago and was able to convinced Mathew to do the same. Our parents lived about 5 hours away so it was just enough of a drive away that we didn’t have to deal with them nagging at our throats. 

I headed to the bathroom to take a shower. After last night, I needed one. I looked in the mirror. I looked rough. “What have you gotten yourself into Michael?” I asked myself. I was clearly losing sight of my priorities here. I just hope Sierra doesn’t hate me now.