My Boyfriends Brother

Chapter 8 Sierra’s Shock

Have I gone mad? I was looking down closer to the shore and Mathew was standing there. No not standing, he was walking towards me. I began to hyperventilate. This was it, I’m having a mental breakdown. I’m seeing things. I haven’t been processing his death and I feel guilty about what happened with Michael last night so this is just my mind screwing with me. 

“Mathew...is...is that you?” I asked the figure that appeared to be Mathew. He nodded. God I am going crazy. “Mathew...please say something...I’m not crazy right?” He didn’t say anything. I felt myself begin to cry and I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. I covered my face with my hands and I couldn’t stop the tears. “I must be crazy! This isn’t real. This isn’t real...” 

“Oh my love...” 

I snapped my head back up and Mathew was still there sitting in front of me. Did he just speak? I reached out to touch his face and...nothing. My hand when through where his cheek should be. I can’t touch him. He’s not real. 

“Then why can I see you?” I murmured. He looked sad when I said that. 

“I don’t know...” he said in a voice so low, I barely heard it.  

“How?” I asked. 

“I don’t know that either,” he responded, this time in a normal tone. 

“Am...am I going crazy?” 

His face softened as he said, “no my love, you’re not crazy. I am really here. How I’m here, I do not know. Nor do I know why. All I know is that even through grief you look as beautiful as ever.” 

“Mathew I—“ 

“Shhh... don’t say anything,” he interrupted. “I just want to be here with you for as long as I can.” 

“But Mathew—“ 

“Please Sierra? I don’t want to ruin this. This is the first thing I see after I—I died.” I nodded and tried to keep silent. 

My thoughts however could not shut up. How am I supposed to tell him about Michael? Should I even tell him? As far as Michael knows, I don’t ‘remember’ last night. Maybe I could get away with this. That doesn’t make sense though because Matt’s dead. He shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be seeing him. How the hell am I seeing him? God, why did I have to see him literally the morning after I did something so wrong. So so wrong. It was a mistake. Maybe I could tell Mathew that... that it was just a moment of weakness...my internal monologue cut off when Mathew spoke again. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” I hesitated and couldn’t speak but then he continued, “I can tell your lost in your thoughts Sierra. I know you. You’re overthinking this aren’t you?” 

“Matt, I don’t know what to say...” it was kinda the truth. I didn’t know how to tell him... 

“Sierra it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I love you.” 

Awe hell, I felt really guilty. I don’t know if I can keep this a secret. Just then I noticed a couple of girls walking down the beach giving me weird looks and whispering to each other. Can they see him? Mathew followed my eyes and noticed the girls. He seemed to wonder if they could see him too and before I could say anything else, he got up and jogged over to them. He stopped a few feet in front of him and the girls just continued walking and they...walked...right...through...him. Yep, so far only I can see him. 

He didn’t look surprised just curious. He ran back over to me and said, “Sierra! Did you see that? They just walked right through me!” 

“Yes Matt, I saw. Which means they’re probably whispering about how crazy I look talking to myself.” Great. Doesn’t matter whether or not I think I’m crazy, cause they definitely do. 

“C’mon Sierra, their opinions don’t matter. Since when did you care?” 

“Since you died, and then appeared right in front of me as if you were alive and well!” I shouted a bit louder then I should have because I noticed the girls were staring at me wide eyed and the look on their faces said loud and clear that they thought I was totally insane. “What?! Never heard someone talk to their dead boyfriends ghost?!” I yelled over to them. They seemed surprised at my outburst, looked away, and with a pace that says ‘get me out of here,’ they rushed away farther down the beach. 

“So I’m a ghost. Weird.” Mathew announced. “Sierra, you think I have any weird ghostly powers?” 

“Mathew, how am I supposed to know? As far as I knew ghosts didn’t even exist! I’m not exactly an expert,” I retorted. 

“Well Sierra, you better get to doing some research. As far as I can tell you’re the only one who can see me. Which makes you a medium.” 

“Are you sure you’re not the expert Matt? Cause you already seem to know more than me about this. A medium? Really? I highly doubt that, cause as far as I know, you’re the ghost I’ve ever seen.” 

“As far as you know,” he repeated back to me. “You did say I appeared in front of you as if I was alive and well. What if you’ve always been able to see ghosts but never really noticed?” 

“Mathew that’s crazy talk.” 

“So is talking to your dead boyfriend apparently.” He had a point. 

I was beginning to question everything I knew. Have I been seeing ghosts this whole time and never knew? I tried to think but nothing was coming up. If I couldn’t tell the difference before, how will I looking back into my memories? What if I really am a medium? What does that mean for me? 

“I hate to admit it Mathew but you may be onto something...”