My Boyfriends Brother

Chapter 13 Michael’s Meal

She was perfect. Watching her scarf down some pancakes was quite the sight to see. I couldn’t help but watch her as she intensely ate her food. It was funny, how such a beautiful girl could eat like such a slob. I started to chuckle when Sierra looked up at me, her mouth full of food. 

“What?” She tried to say. 

I laughed and said, “oh nothing, you just seem to be particularly hungry this morning.” 

She swallowed her food and said, “umm yeah, I don’t really remember eating yesterday so I’m pretty starved.” 

“You know not eating is unhealthy,” I told her. 

“No s**t, Sherlock!” We both laughed and she continued, “yesterday was...kind of...interesting to say the least.” 

“Interesting how?” I asked. 

“I think I was just seeing things...like from all the stress you know?” She said looking back down at her food and getting another bite with her fork. 

“What were you seeing?” 

She paused to finish chewing and began to speak, “I thought I saw Mathew.” 

My eyes widened and I asked, “you SAW Mathew? How exactly did you see him?” 

She started to fidget and move the food on her plate around with her fork before looking up at me and saying, “I thought I was seeing his ghost. I could talk to him. He disappeared though last night—that’s when you found me having a breakdown. I figured I must be losing it, right?” 

I wasn’t sure how to respond. So I looked at her for a minute before she spoke again, “Michael, I’m not crazy...right? It’s just the stress getting to me. I haven’t really given myself a chance to truly mourn or think about him since his death. I’ve been avoiding the thought of him as best I can but these last few days...” 

“You’re not crazy Sierra. I’ll admit I’ve been trying not to think about it either. It’s the denial stage right?” I offered. 

“Yeah...” she said softly. “Denial...” 

after a few more minutes she seemed to just be picking at her food so I interjected, “are you done eating?” She put her fork down and nodded. “Alright, I’ll get the check and we can go. Anything you want to do for your birthday? I know I’m not the guy you planned on spending your birthday with but...” I trailed off. 

“I’m glad you’re here Michael. Truly, I am. I’m not sure I’d be able to hold it together if you weren’t,” she said as she placed her hands on mine which were resting on the table. 

I looked into her eyes and saw such sadness behind them. She was still hurting, I know. I just hope she didn’t want to let me go. I needed her too. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve probably been the one on the kitchen floor having a meltdown. I loved my brother and everything that he was. It has been hard for me to grasp the fact that he’s dead. Last thing I said to him was, “you’re an i***t for trying to surf in this weather.” The last thing I ever said to my brother, and I had to call him an i***t. 

I had called him the night he died, just wanted to check up on him cause we hadn’t talked in a couple days. He said he was planning on proposing to Sierra right after her birthday. Got the ring and everything. It hurt me to my core when he told me this. I knew their relationship was heading that way and that there was never going to be a chance for me and Sierra. It still stung though. Like maybe, just maybe there was some possibility. Marriage though? She was completely off the books with that. He told me he was heading out to go try and surf. Wanted to practice in more inclement weather so he’d be better in competitions and I told him he was an i***t. I wasn’t wrong. I don’t know if that’s what hurt more. The fact that I was right and now he’s dead because of it. I should’ve gone out there with him. Maybe I could’ve stopped him or convinced him to quit while he was ahead. Maybe then he would alive. 

But then I wouldn’t be here with Sierra... I hated myself for thinking it. Thanks to my brothers death, I finally get the girl I’ve been pining after for so long. Yeah, I’m a great brother... not. My emotions were all over the place now. Feeling the loss of my brother but the gain of Sierra almost made me sick with guilt. I couldn’t just walk away though, couldn’t stop myself from trying to be with her...and so the guilt continued to rise...but so did my feelings towards her. 

Sierra wasn’t sure what to do for the rest of her birthday so I ended up taking her to a farmers market. Luckily her birthday fell on a weekend and the weather was holding up enough that it wasn’t raining. I remembered she’d always gush about the food she’d find at farmers markets every time I’d come over for dinner. That the meal I’m eating “came from a local farmer.“ It was cute. So I figured why not see if she can find some stuff today? 

“Do you want to cook something together, tonight?” She asked, interrupting my thought. She was going through a basket full of very large zucchini. 

“Umm, yeah of course. It is your birthday after all so ultimately it’s up to you.” 

“I’m craving some roasted veggies...how ‘bout you?” She asked while carefully studying a rather large zucchini in her hands...kinda reminded me of last night if I’m honest. The way she wrapped her hands around my—

“Michael? Hello? Earth to Mike!” She shouted at me while waving a hand in front of my face. 

“Oh uh, yeah sorry...lost in thought. Uh, roasted veggies? Yeah that sounds good.” I stammered. 

She laughed and rolled her eyes and then said, “so I’m definitely getting this zucchini for that...what else you think?” 

“Well we need a meat.” 

“Ha! You guys and your ‘meat’!” She said using air quotes for “meat.” 

“What? Can’t forget about the protein, right?” I joked. 

“Of course, of course,” she said while waving a hand in dismissal. “So what protein are you craving then?” 

“I could think of a few...”

“A few huh?” She asked, raising a brow. 

Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud... 

Fuck it. “Yeah I’m thinking steak. I like my meat pink,” and I winked at her.