A Mermaid's Heart

Chapter Sixteen.

Evangeline.

My eyes blinked open, adjusting to the light until my hand laying limp beside my head came into focus. My palm was covered in open wounds and blisters while cuts lined my wrist and dried blood coated the flesh there. I couldn’t feel the pain. It was as though the hand wasn’t mine yet it was attached to my body. My eyes moved to the world located beyond my twitching fingertips to find a floor length mirror located on the far wall. My own reflection stared back at me, the sight of a broken and frail little girl laying beaten and defeated on a familiar white marble floor. My eyes were drooped, tired and red, my bottom lip was chapped with crusted blood and two gaping holes could be found among that dry crimson desert. The color had drained from my cheeks and my arms were coated scarlet while the white dress that I wore clung to my form, still damp from the water of the pool that I could vaguely remember. Wounds littered my knees and blue bruises had formed on my legs while my feet were clad in smeared blood. I blinked and rolled onto my hands and knees, forcing myself onto my feet without having to cry out in pain since there was none. I could see the wounds, trace them with my fingers but there was no feeling attached to them ‘What have you done?’ I turned in the direction of the voice to find Neptune stood a few feet away, his sapphire orbs filled with so much agony as they examined me. We were stood beside the crystal pool in the same room I’d find myself in whenever I’d drift off to sleep which was likely the reason why I couldn’t feel any pain. I was asleep in the real world where I would certainly experience the pain once I would awaken but there in that dream state I was free of all suffering. The sight of his pain made me wish to feel my own, I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me as if he’d suffered with me, as if he wanted to take my wounds and make them his own ‘When I see you, I think of Nereida-.’ he felt the need to say when I raised my hands to examine my palms, taking in the severity of what I had put myself through. His words drew my attention back onto him at the mention of Nereida, the daughter that I so closely resembled ‘But the way you think, the way you speak or move-.’ he wore a pair of white trousers but nothing else, his hands flexing at his sides as if he was trying to control the raging sea within himself ‘Reminds me so much of Salacia’ my muscles stiffened at the mention of his first love, the woman he had given his heart to, the one who had birthed him his daughters, the one whom he had lost his life for and continued to search for over many centuries. He moved, stepping toward me, fast and fierce like a violent storm rolling over the ocean, heading for a small boat left isolated from the nearby land with nowhere to hide. I shrunk back when he stopped directly in front of me, his nostrils flaring, his eyes blazing like a brilliant cobalt fire ‘To see you like this, it destroys me, it infuriates and torments me’ his words were spoken harshly but they held no ill intent directed toward me, instead they harbored traces of grief and desperation for not having been there to stop me from getting hurt, from not being able to protect me like he so wished. For him seeing not only his daughter but a person who reminded him of his wife in such a state was enough to drive him mad with self-hatred, with guilt. I felt myself start to grow calm in his presence, no longer fearful or unsure when I reached my hand out to trace my wounded fingertips along his cheek ‘Neptune-.’ I breathed the name, the familiar name that I had repeated to myself numerous times in the back of my mind and spoken out loud but never have I separated it from other words, speaking it as a single whole, as a beautiful statement that could stand on its own yet still hold so much emotion, so many sentences laced within its simple letters. His hand moved to grip mine, the hairs of his beard brushing up against my pal when he spoke ‘What has brought you such suffering?’ he didn’t know. I could feel my heart aching in my chest at his uncertain, confused question. He who was the god of the seven seas felt utterly defeated, helpless because he couldn’t see me past the barrier that Aurella provided to shield me from the eyes of the gods, to hide our actions from their view but they could still track us through their elements. If I was to fall into the sea, Neptune would find me but I was told to stay away from the water until the spell had been finished and I was strong enough to entrap the god within myself, meaning he was blind, unaware of where I was or what I was doing and to appear before him so broken, bloodied and bruised must’ve been like driving a sword through the heart of a loyal knight whose only desire was to serve and protect his queen ‘I’m so sorry-.’ I whispered to the air between us, my eyes for once seeing him as a simple man, as a human and not as a god. He had emotions, he had desires and agonies that to that day still managed to haunt him. Did I truly want to trap a man whose only desire was to never be alone? He only stripped away the memories of those who had awakened within the sea to keep them within the waves, to prevent them from returning to the land. He didn’t want to be alone, left immortal and unable to die with no one to care for him. His daughter’s descendants would all die off, the creatures of the sea would follow but he would remain, always constant, always alone and abandoned ‘Forgive me’ I pleaded, closing my eyes to hang my head in shame before him but he took my face in both his palm, letting go of my hand to do so. He forced me to look up at him, to meet his gaze that although they held pain they were consumed with love and adoration ‘I could never harbor anger or hatred toward you-.’ he protested, his right hand moving to tangle itself into my hair, tugging at the strands with every word he spoke as if to drill the words into me, as if to engrave them into my soul. My bottom lip trembled when I searched his features, looking for some sign of a lie, for some sign of false truth that could possibly be found there but there was none ‘No matter how you may try to hurt me-.’ I couldn’t stop the tears from forming in my mismatched eyes, the tears that escaped when he finished his sentence ‘Because I love you’ his thumbs worked to brush away the tears that trailed their way down the sides of my face at the thought of what I had done, of having plotted to rid myself of him so that I could be with Caleb, the man whom I loved but just like Caleb, Neptune loved me and desired only to protect me, to care for me like a lover would. Was I doing the right thing by having gone through with the spell? By wanting to seal him away? I breathed in a shaky breath at the thought of thousands of souls who had loved ones they were unaware of, pasts they remembered nothing about. It was all bigger than myself, regardless of whether I could grow to love the man who stood before me in that white and gold room next to a pond of azure. I had to go through with it for them, for that lost noble girl who I used to be, for the part of me that was Mary. Neptune could sense that something was wrong, that something was about to happen and he leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine, drawing my eyes to his and capturing them in his depths ‘You are a heart of the sea’ he whispered in a gentle tone. I had heard those words countless times before but it was as though they had never truly reached me until that very moment when they were almost inaudible because of how softly he breathed them ‘And you belong to me’ he pressed his lips to the center of my forehead, causing me to close my eyes, leaning my head into him to feel those cold lips pressed against my flesh. His touch began to fade along with the room around us until I was left alone in the darkness, in the void that was my mind, about to pull me from my dreams and into the reality of it all, a reality I was so unsure of, so terrified of “You need to wake up now” I recognized the voice that reached out to me and blinked open my eyes to find a room lit with candles and a man around my age sat beside my sleeping form. The Captain’s quarters were empty apart from myself and a navigator with a familiar brown head of hair. He clung to my bandaged hand as if it was the only thing keeping him sane. His hazel eyes were hidden since he pressed his forehead to the hand that he clung to, staring at the floor below “B-Ben” his head shot up at the sound of his chocked name to stare wide eyed at me beneath the white sheets, wrapped in a red coat that smelt of Caleb. I tried forcing a smile, feeling my bottom lip pull at the movement, causing a sudden pain to shoot through my jaw. I winced and breathed in deep through my nose “Caleb-.” he muttered the name, it sounding odd on his lips before he jerked his head to the side to look at someone out of my line of sight “She’s awake, alert the Captain” a crew member scurried up the steps to the deck and disappeared leaving Ben and I in silence. He ran his thumb over the back of my hand, soothing the constant aching that could be felt in my hands, wrists, knees and feet. I hadn’t been around him as much as I wanted to and savored his presence before Caleb would come rushing in “How are you feeling?” Ben asked, seeming as concerned as Neptune had in my dreams. I knew that he didn’t understand what was happening with me much like the sea god but I couldn’t tell him anything. He would only worry more and there was no telling how he would react to any of it “Tired” I got out after taking a moment to register how I felt. I didn’t want him to worry more by telling him that every inch of my body ached as if I had been struck multiple times by a brick wall. My hands, feet, knees and bottom lip throbbed while my wrists stung and my head pounded. I could hardly turn my head to properly look at the man seated beside me from the tension in my muscles “You were asleep for some time” Ben felt the need to say, his own eyes trying to hide the sleep that was constantly trying to overcome them. Had I slept for days again? Had it been hours of torment for him having to constantly stay by my side? I knew that he genuinely cared about me but it was obvious that Caleb had asked him to stay with me since him being the Captain meant that he had duties to tend to, men to command and a ship to sail from the way the room rocked ever so slightly. Ben parted his lips to say something but he was interrupted by a set of heavy boots thudding their way down the steps into the Captain’s quarters. The warm hands gripping mind disappeared and Ben quickly rose to his feet to face the bigger, stronger, fiercer male “Captain-.” Ben began but Caleb ignored him, forcing his way past the navigator to get to me, bumping shoulders in the process. Ben caught himself and turned to follow the Campbell's movements until he came to a stop beside the bed, his aurum eyes scanning my face, taking in my nose, mouth, cheeks then wandering further down my arm that was hidden beneath the sleeve of his red coat to my hand that was wrapped in ivory fabric “Leave us” Caleb ordered, not bothering to spare so much as a glance in Ben’s direction. He paused before leaving to meet my gaze past the brute of a man standing between us to say “I’ll get you something to eat” then turned to go. I wasn’t sure what Caleb had seen in that temple, what he had to suffer through by watching me be broken in so many ways physically, mentally and spiritually but I could see in his eyes that he was hurting. As soon as Ben had left, the mattress beside me sank down from the weight of the pirate Captain. His eyes searched the room and he held his hands together in front of his lips, deep in thought “Ye’re hurt” he declared after some time spent in silence. He didn’t bother looking at me when he spoke, instead focusing on anything but my frail form in the bed beside him. I tried shaking my head, slowly, faintly “No, I’m-.” before I could continue my argument, I cried out in pain from wanting to push myself up into a sitting position, my body falling back onto the mess of pillows. Caleb turned his head to glare down at me, the space between his eyebrows creased while a deep frown made its way onto his lips “Ye could’ve died!” he snapped, his jaw tightened and teeth bared like a cornered wolf with a world of fear in its eyes. He was desperate, confused and needed a way out. I flinched in response to his raised voice, jolts of pain coursing through my cranial cavity “Ye think yer life is a joke?” he demanded, the fear in his eyes mixed with a blazing golden fire that stung even the deepest parts of my soul, causing my heart to ache at the flames that I had given rise to. It had been a small spark that now burnt brighter than the sun due to my pouring paraffin over it “Dammit Mary! There be people who care for ye, people like Becca, that boy Ben-!” I felt my entire body stiffen at the name, the name he hadn’t called me by in so long, a name I had thought to have left behind but when he yelled it, I couldn’t help but go back to the nights sneaking out of the mansion to meet with him by the peer, the stolen kisses, the flowering love that we had for each other. He sighed deeply, running a hand over his face and took a moment to regain himself “I can’t lose ye again” he uttered under his breath, his eyes staring at the floorboards below. I desired nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and burry my face into the side of his neck but I could hardly move so instead I resorted to raising my right arm and grabbing onto the material of his coat. The action caught his attention and made him to look down at me, his eyes softening at the sight. I let go of his coat to reach for his face but he was out of my reach so he leaned down enough for me to brush my fingertips along his cheek. An image of me cupping Neptune’s face in a similar fashion flickered past my gaze. I blinked and it was replaced by Caleb with his eyes closed and his cheek pressing further into my wounded palm. I tried reaching for him with my left hand to pull his head down onto my chest. He slowly moved, being careful not to hurt me by placing his weight onto my body. My fingers tangled into his hair and I breathed in deeply, savoring the feel of him so close to me “Can you hear it?” I softly asked, my own ears trying to hear the steady beating of my heart as the blood pumped through their cartilage shells. He hummed low in the back of his throat, the sound vibrating through me and somehow soothing the pain in my limbs “As long as it keeps beating-.” I whispered softly, allowing my eyes to wonder from his peaceful form to the floorboards overhead, to the cracks in between them, the cracks beyond that faded to a starry night sky “I’ll always be here" it was a promise that even with the images of Neptune that continued to haunt my dreams and memories I would still remain by his side, even if he would hate me for caring about the god of the seas, I would stay, even if he tried to push me away or would yell a thousand curses, nothing and no one could pull me away from him. It was growing harder and harder for me to distinguish between the two of them. As time would pass I would start to fall more and more into Neptune’s grasp all while still loving the pirate Captain who had first captured my heart all those years ago. I knew that I had to tell Caleb the truth of what was happening, why I was going through with the spell, about the dreams and emotions but somehow something deep inside me realized that when I would, there would be a wall separating the two of us from ever being like that again and I dreaded it more than I dreaded dying.