Close to the Marx

Entry 8

19 Krishna

Man, I really hope I don’t need to keep skipping tracks when I am reviewing my day like this. Then again today was a pretty crazy day. So I talked to the monkey, realized that Hunraken did not cure s**t, and concluded that the Colonel was probably right her father might have known something and it involved George Marquis Lorillard and Norman Hunraken. I reviewed this before I heard a knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said after looking at the clock and realizing it must Vinnie.

“Reporting in Sir,” Vinnie said as he walked in.

“Have a seat,” I pointed at the chair that the monkey had been sitting in earlier. I got the files together and looked up and saw Vinnie sitting in the other seat. He looked at the empty seat for a split second before he looked over at me.

“So what do we got?” Vinnie asked.

I ignored his odd behavior.

“This is for our eyes only,” I said holding the file up and putting it in front of Vinnie.

Vinnie reviewed the fie and he looked up.

“The Marquis and Dr. Hunraken?” Vinnie said.

“Yes,” I said.

“What about them Cap?” Vinnie asked.

“Cap? You know what never mind,” I said changing my mind about throwing a knife at him again. “How is your shoulder?”

“Better, I was able to tend to it myself,” Vinnie said. “Speaking of which we still going to the doctor?”

“Yes,” I said. “This was a bit more pressing so therefore the briefing.”

“But what does this have to do with anything?” Vinnie asked.

I went ahead and played him the recording. I had to explain what the General had said in the end because Vinnie supposedly had never heard that language before. This I believed was horse s**t, considering per him he dated a girl from Golordia Sigma.

“So…the Colonel thinks that Lorillard might know that the General contacted her?” Vinnie asked. This was probably the point that I realized Vinnie was very smart.

“Yeah that is exactly what she thinks.” I said.

“Huh…” Vinnie said. “So, what does she want us to do exactly?”

“I am assuming finding out if it is true or not,” I said.

“Okay I’ll look into the quack of Hunraken,” Vinnie said. “You can look into Lorillard since that seems to be a bigger deal than Hunraken.”

“That was my plan,” I said. “So now that you are briefed we have to go meet with the Doctor. That is not a girl by the way.”

“Oh, thank the nine!” Vinnie said.

Luckily it was not a long walk to the Doctors Office. Vinnie kept saying that he was tempted at calling himself Justin Case. Making a very horrible pun by saying this.

“I swear you are the biggest i***t in the universe,” I said.

So, we did get Vinnie checked out.

“He does have Sigmosis,” the doctor said. His name was Marlo Mauve and I looked at him trying to figure out why he looked so familiar to me.

“Did you doubt that?” Vinnie asked me.

“b***h please, I doubt anything that comes out of that loud-mouth of yours,” I said.

“How dare you say something so true?” Vinnie said.

“How bad is it?” I asked ignoring Vinnie’s comment. “He insisted he does not have eight d***s meaning it must not be so bad.”

“It mostly affects his memory,” the doctor said.

“Memory?” Vinnie and I asked.

“You’ve been told that before its in your records,” The doctor showed the file and in big bold letters that was underlined like 9 times it read:

PATIENT’S SIGMOSIS AFFECTS HIS MEMORY. HE DOES NOT REMEMBER THINGS CORRECTLY. PATIENT MAY MAKE MEMORIES UP AND COULD BE TOTALLY CONVINCING WHEN HE DOES.

“Mother fucker that is why you told Heather we grew up together.” I said.

“But we did,” Vinnie said.

“So, why does he have to jag off so much?” I asked ignoring the comment from Vinnie again. This was important to me because if a hot female soldier comes strolling around, I did not want my Lieutenant to drop his pants all the sudden and just jag off in front of her.

“It is affecting his production of semen,” the doctor explained.

“Meaning?” I asked.

“Well putting it simply he actually does need to Masturbate a lot or else it would be extremely uncomfortable for him.” The doctor said.

“But does he have to do it in public?” I asked.

“Lord no he could do it in the privacy of his own home,” The Doctor said. “He was even given an anti-hormonal to calm down his urges.”

“Hey no one ever gave me that,” Vinnie said.

“You were given some last week,” The Doctor said reviewing his file again.

“The i***t’s memory couldn’t be that bad?” I said.

“Oh yeah,” The doctor said. “What did you and the Captain talk about this morning.”

“Oh man we were talking about how it would be hot if the Colonel had like an extra set of legs that could wrap around us if we were having s*x with her.” Vinnie said and my mouth dropped. “Then we jagged off behind the tree, I never jagged off with another guy there before, but it was no homo I swear.”

“What the s**t?” I said shocked. “Mother fucker and I never did that shit.” I pointed at Vinnie.  “I never heard Sigmosis affect anyone as much as this idiot.”

“I consider him maybe 75% functional,” The doctor said reviewing the file again. “Others on the high end have estimated him at 80%.”

 “So, is there a way for him to function more than normal? I mean he remembered coming into my office this morning.” I said.

“If he keeps on his medication,” The doctor said.

“Beth does that for me because otherwise I’ll forget,” Vinnie said. “Because of my Sigmosis affecting my memory.”

“Beth?” I asked.

“She’s my girlfriend the one from Golordia Sigma,” Vinnie said.

“Mother fucker I thought you said that was your ex?” I said.

“I never said that,” Vinnie said. “We’ve been dating or years. I think the law kind of counts us as common law by now.”

“Wait a minute…you f*****g have a girlfriend and you still jag off in public!” I asked.

“Its not my fault…the doctor just told you so,” Vinnie said.

The watch he had suddenly beeped. Vinnie tapped on it and a projection of a very pretty young woman popped up. I was impressed. Vinnie had a very beautiful girl as a girlfriend. Life must have been hell for her. Wait if she also had sigmosis how was she affected I wondered.

“Vinnie don’t forget your anti-hormones,” the girl said. “It’s about that time.”

“Thanks Beth,” Vinnie said.

“Vinnie my name is…” Vinnie cut her off by tapping on his watch and switching the projection off. Vinnie tapped his pockets a few times and popped open a bottle and grabbed a pill and bit into it.

“She always reminds me, Otherwise I forget,” Vinnie said. “So Cap now that we are done here are we going to do that thing for the Colonel?”

Vinnie suddenly acted like a normal person. I was starting to realize that Vincent Gould was not a normal character. It was a wonder he got through anything in his life. This was probably why the Colonel had put him under me, she knew I would watch out for him.

Well its about that time, so I will go over what happens tomorrow, until then this is Captain Marxus Browne, signing out for today.